Started playing games...

[Hybrid70]

First post, long time reader. Normally I do a search and my problems are answered but got a slightly different situation.

Girl I met through social event 6 months ago, went on 3-4 dates and had sex, way earlier than she is used to and got a lot of LMR. Slept with her a few more times and she was seriously into me. Ended up getting distracted by another girl and this original girl decided I had ditched her and I kind of went along with it although that wasn't really what I wanted, just had too much on my plate at the time.

Stayed in contact and clearly have chemistry, few months go by and I'm trying to get her to hang out again. At first she seems happy and excited at the prospect, then says she wants to wait a while. Couple of weeks go by and she agrees to go out with me, all good, seems very keen again but I don't push her for anything. Keen to hang out again so we do, she can't come back to my place though due to a work report she has to get done (excuse.)

Didn't hear from her since (5 days) so start texting, says she has a hangover and needs some tlc. Multiple texts asking what I'm up to (texts 5 times in a row before I can reply) Offer to see her later for cuddles. She then ask why I'm treating her so nice lately when earlier in the year I treated her badly. Says it's always on her mind. I tell her to just enjoy it. She says it is hard to do that because she is worried Things are going to change again. I said ok, well I'm in later if you want the cuddles (trying to hold my frame for the interaction and not start justifying myself) and she didn't respond.

Has she lost interest or does she just need time and space? Won't text her again now until I hear from her but I'm confused as to whether it's a rejection or not.

 

[Hybrid70]

So shying away from reasons to be alone at home with me? That is what I was thinking. And why I had been taking her out and being generally laid back and no pressure about anything. I am interested as girlfriend material but I know it can be a fine line between being respectful and gentlemanly and getting friend zoned. I assume I maintain high value due to being care free enough to let go in the first place.

 

[The Duke]

Seems that you need to re-invest in this girls mental bank account. She is interested in you and was from the start, but you've damaged some of that. I wouldn't worry about being friend zoned from what you have said. If you want a relationship with her, make that clear and the door will likely open back up. She is not down for one of your side projects and feels this is all you want her for.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

What? Look if a girl doesn't want to be a plate, that's fine, but why is she somehow automatically entitled to a relationship of some kind with OP? This girl needs to demonstrate value to OP before he considers her as relationship material. Until then, OP should spin plates.

She doesn't want to feel used again. She doesn't want to be a plate, that is pretty clear.

I agree, but this girls needs to demonstrate value as to why she's worth the investment. Haven't read any of this in the OP.

 

[Hybrid70]

Yes to be honest I would probably want to be with her assuming she doesn't display any bad qualities... She needs to be on probation for a while until I make any commitment. I don't see how we can reach that stage if she turns down being alone with me. Haven't heard from her since this interaction and it could be a while before I do hence she seems to be playing games - said herself that it's always on her mind why I'm being nice so clearly she is sitting around thinking about me but refusing to initiate nowadays.

 

[Dynamited]

I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to just move on and date other girls.

If her interest level is high enough she will want to initiate contact and see you again.

The ball is now in her court.

I can see that you are starting to develop a slight case of oneitis. Been there done that too, one time too many

But these days i move on pretty quickly if i feel that the girl is losing interest or holding back.

Let the chips fall where they may.

 

[arathorngr]

She doesn't want plate status.
She thinks that if she gives in easily you will do the same thing.
She seems like a decent one. Court her, drop the ****iness and the sexy lines, talk to her, seduce her.
Thats what she wants.