Splitting, end of conversation -> number

[miyamoto]

I registrered here just to ask this question. I've been reading some articles and forum posts since a couple of weeks and decided to get out of negative passivism (doing nothing...) and just staying with the same people all the time.

This week I thought: why not approach women on the street. I've done this a couple of times now and it was very much fun, and interesting.

So, today I tried it once more and got again in a conversation with a nice girl. This time it took place on the train station/train ride. So, all good and well, having a good and funny conversation, found out we study at the same university etcetera. After a few stations had passed, she had to go because that station was simply where she was going (I needed to go 1 station further). So the conversation ended with:

She: Well, I have to go now. It was nice talking to you. Perhaps we see eachother soon again.
Me: Alright, well nice talking to you.

And she was gone...

This happened 1.5 hours ago, and while I am pleased with progress (just talking with strange, attractive women, and getting away from lazyness) I don't feel satisfied at all. I want to have something afterwards to be able to contact here and perhaps continue the conversation sometime, someplace. This something is usually a phone number. Having something to contact here or at least knowing I tried to get it would be much better.

Anyway, the above described ending of a conversation has happened twice this week.

The frontpage of this site mentions what to do if you yourself are the one to leave first:
"I need to get going, let me give you a call... what's your number?"
Which is to me very logical and would work great, but what if the roles are reversed?

So my question is basically, what is the best way to go if the woman is leaving first on a subway/train etc. Obviously giving her my number is a no-go, got to keep initiative.

Hoping to get some new insights from you guys.

Peace.

 

[JJMcLure]

First off, don't beat yourself up that you didn't get the last two numbers. Congratulate yourself on the progress so far and work on getting numbers next time.

When you have a good conversation with someone, get into the mindset that it's more natural to end an interaction with a way to follow up - it's better than an abrupt goodbye. Businessmen swap business cards. People swap numbers.

There are various ways you can go about it, but the bottom line is you can just "ask" for (or rather suggest she give) her number. For example, "Nice talking to you, maybe we can talk again, let's exchange numbers". Note you are not asking her permission for it, you're telling her/assuming a positive response - which is a more positive frame. It's direct and shows confidence.

Notice there are only a few words added on there to what you actually said to this chick? The only obstacle to saying them is the fear of rejection.

An indirect approach you'll find at mASF is to say "Nice talking to you, can you think of a way we can get together another time?" to which she is supposed to reply "Yes, here's my number". She could just as easily say "maybe we'll see each other on the train" because she is not very forward or doesn't want to give her number. However, you could use this line and if she doesn't give the number, then "ask" more directly as above.

Don't be afraid to take a rejection - there's nothing to lose (except pride, but that's something all PUA/DJ have to get over - one chick doesn't speak for all chicks).

She knows why you want her number anyway.

 

[miyamoto]

Alright, thanks, seems like good advice.

 

[Duffdog]

I have a different take on that subject. If you have been talking to a girl for a while she will typically take your phone and call herself to get your numbers. There is no reason that you can't do that-- just say very confidently: "hey, let me see your phone, ill give you my number" and then call yourself from her phone. This is not the time to be shy at all, the more you make it seem like getting her number or her getting yours doesn't matter in the least, the better. Or you can be the typical guy and whip out your phone and do it that way. "What's your number, I want to call you" works for me always. In my opinion, getting a girls number isn't anything excruciating-- so don't treat it like its a big deal at all and it won't be.

However: "CAN I have your number" immediately wreaks of weakness in a girls mind and I don't ever say that.

 

[JJMcLure]

I have a different take on that subject.

Your advice is no different, you've just restated exactly the principles I said (be direct, suggest exchanging numbers, don't "ask" for it). All you added was that you like to give her your phone for her to type it in (routine well known from mASF, Keys to the VIP and many other sources), which is optional but not essential (e.g. if you don't have the phone with you).

 

[Duffdog]

"Nice talking to you, maybe we can talk again, let's exchange numbers"

The fact that you included 'maybe' is just the same as asking, it shows weakness. There is no maybe, or might, or sometime if its ok with you-- all are ways of indirectly trying to say what you want. While your advise is correct, your example is not.

 

[JJMcLure]

The fact that you included 'maybe' is just the same as asking, it shows weakness. There is no maybe, or might, or sometime if its ok with you-- all are ways of indirectly trying to say what you want. While your advise is correct, your example is not.

No, the maybe in this case means he might call her again if he wants to. I see you're new here, it's common for rAFCs to believe every small word has to be perfect to get a positive response from a chick and maybe that's why you wanted to object to that one word. When you move past textbook phase and can deliver a strong frame - moving more towards being a natural - the reality is the words become less important anyway, and with correct delivery and body language you can say almost anything (including things you probably think you could never say to a chick).

I think I see why you read it that way. If the comment was delivered by a confident alpha it can sound non-chalant and like "he might give her a chance" (as intended) but an AFC would deliver it like a question - which may be why you interpreted it that way. Regardless, in terms of principles, the example I gave is fine. Nice job trying to spout my advice (suggest, don't ask) back to me though - when it was the whole point I made in the first post. Glad you agree with me.

 

[Duffdog]

No, the maybe in this case means he might call her again if he wants to. I see you're new here, it's common for rAFCs to believe every small word has to be perfect to get a positive response from a chick and maybe that's why you wanted to object to that one word. When you move past textbook phase and can deliver a strong frame - moving more towards being a natural - the reality is the words become less important anyway, and with correct delivery and body language you can say almost anything (including things you probably think you could never say to a chick).

I think I see why you read it that way. If the comment was delivered by a confident alpha it can sound non-chalant and like "he might give her a chance" (as intended) but an AFC would deliver it like a question - which may be why you interpreted it that way. Regardless, in terms of principles, the example I gave is fine. Nice job trying to spout my advice (suggest, don't ask) back to me though - when it was the whole point I made in the first post. Glad you agree with me.

I just didn't really like your wording, that's all. Also, I don't consider myself to be a chump-- I am an expert at 'getting' the girls attention and 'getting' the shot. Keeping it is the real problem for me.

 

[miyamoto]

Well, I went out with friends last night to a bar. Haven't had a evening with that much fun in a long time. Approached and talked to like 8 women, out of the two I proposed (not asked!) to exchange numbers to continue the conversation later both gave their number. So that's alright I guess, now let's see what I'm going to do with those numbers...

As a last question:
When approaching in a bar and starting a conversation is there like a
'time-limit', I mean like it's better to leave after certain time? or just continue the conversation?

 

[miyamoto]

Anyone?