Spinning Plates while in an LTR

[DJKid]

Is anyone here in an LTR but still spin plates?

Is this something you'd advocate or do you feel that when in an LTR stick only to her or don't be in one?

I'm satisfied in my LTR from an emotional standpoint but from a realist standpoint I'm also in the prime of my life and don't want to have regrets in the future...

 

[DJKid]

I guess no one has a take on this lol...

 

[TheDoctor]

The only time you should EVER be in a LTR is if you are TOTALLY satisfied. Not just emotionally satisfied or physically satisfied but both and more. You should only be in an LTR if you get EVERYTHING you want out of it. Emotional satisfaction, lots and lots of great s3x, friendship, etc, etc.

I learned the hard way.

 

[Caveman]

The only time you should EVER be in a LTR is if you are TOTALLY satisfied. Not just emotionally satisfied or physically satisfied but both and more. You should only be in an LTR if you get EVERYTHING you want out of it. Emotional satisfaction, lots and lots of great s3x, friendship, etc, etc.

I learned the hard way.

I agree with just one side note: Don't expect your LTR to be perfect. No one is perfect, just be aware of her negatives and weigh if this is something you accept of her or not.

Other than that... Yes I am in a LTR and no I am not spinning plates. I don't feel the need. However, I am not affraid of getting eyecontact with other girls, even when I am with my girl. There is no shame in having your LTR know that others show interest.

Think about it: I love when guys try to flirt with my girl. It makes me proud that I am the one taking her home. I assume this is not different for girls.

If you still feel the need to 'spin plates', you're either too young, too inexperienced or just not satisfied with your current LTR.

 

[DJKid]

The only time you should EVER be in a LTR is if you are TOTALLY satisfied. Not just emotionally satisfied or physically satisfied but both and more. You should only be in an LTR if you get EVERYTHING you want out of it. Emotional satisfaction, lots and lots of great s3x, friendship, etc, etc.

I learned the hard way.

My answer is yes to everything you stated. Of coursse with the caveat Caveman mentioned that no girl is perfect. I'm not a rookie when it comes to girls and dating and I know how to appreciate something good.

I agree with just one side note: Don't expect your LTR to be perfect. No one is perfect, just be aware of her negatives and weigh if this is something you accept of her or not.

Other than that... Yes I am in a LTR and no I am not spinning plates. I don't feel the need. However, I am not affraid of getting eyecontact with other girls, even when I am with my girl. There is no shame in having your LTR know that others show interest.

Think about it: I love when guys try to flirt with my girl. It makes me proud that I am the one taking her home. I assume this is not different for girls.

If you still feel the need

That's exactly it... since I've been with her I don't feel the need to spin plates and going out and doing it seems as if its a chore. But the fact is I am a realist and I know things can happen where we can break up or feelings can change etc... despite everything being good now. Most people in LTRs or marriage don't get into them thinking they are going to break up or get divorced yet it happens...

The reason I'm asking is cause I have the opportunities to screw a few chicks that if I don't act upon will not be there in the future. If I were to get out of this LTR in the future I don't want to kick myself for not acting on them when I had the chance. Also I'm in my late 20's so the realist side of me is saying to utilize my prime while its here.

So I guess this leads to the next question; Is it bad to have my cake and eat it too?

 

[Caveman]

Well, my honest opinion is... if you feel the need to screw these girls, get out of your LTR. I am not one to cheat or anything like that. Are you?

You say you are in your prime, but with the right mindset, even of you get out of a LTR in 10 years from now, you will still be able to 'spin plenty of plates'. I am married and still I have no reason to be assured that our relationship will last. I do however know that I've adopted a different, confident mindset that feels completely natural. I'm not saying I wouldnt feel pain on a break-up, but I am sure I won't feel regret of passing up some lays while in LTR because if you really think about it.. a good LTR is so much better than some one night stands.

I personally get enough pleasure and ego strokes from the fact that the opportunities are there. I don't feel the need to act on it. But I guess every man has to decide this for himself.

 

[DJKid]

Well, my honest opinion is... if you feel the need to screw these girls, get out of your LTR. I am not one to cheat or anything like that. Are you?

You say you are in your prime, but with the right mindset, even of you get out of a LTR in 10 years from now, you will still be able to 'spin plenty of plates'. I am married and still I have no reason to be assured that our relationship will last. I do however know that I've adopted a different, confident mindset that feels completely natural. I'm not saying I wouldnt feel pain on a break-up, but I am sure I won't feel regret of passing up some lays while in LTR because if you really think about it.. a good LTR is so much better than some one night stands.

I personally get enough pleasure and ego strokes from the fact that the opportunities are there. I don't feel the need to act on it. But I guess every man has to decide this for himself.

You make some good points putting it into perspective. In regards to cheating I can honestly say that I don't believe it is right to do when you are married and I'd hope I never do that. I put an LTR on a lesser plateau than marriage so I was looking for discussion on it being a lesser sin so to speak or even just plain plausible. I think that's part of the reason I want to get lays out of my system so that I have no regrets. But back to your first question; no I don't feel a need to screw other girls unless I purposely put myself in that mindset. So I am satisfied with my LTR at this point. The only thing I'd disagree with you on is that 10 years down the road if I get out of your LTR yes I may still be able to spin plates but I wouldn't be able to do it with the same consistency in the same age demographics since I'd be in my late 30's as opposed to my late 20's.

"A good LTR is so much better than some one night stands"

Absolutely true. That's probably the bottom line and the profound wisdom I needed reinforced. Thank you...

 

[edger]

What's up bro, I'll share my take, as I think I've told you before:

Everyone is different, but ME personally, knowing what I know now about women and the "game", I personally would bag every hot chick that gives me that opportunity...because a woman will drop you at the drop of a hat, as it's been said so many times here. I had a few opportunities when I was with my ex, but didn't act on them because "she was the girl I was destined to be with forever, my soulmate, she'd be with me forever no matter what", as she so euphorically put it. Then 5 months later, BAM, she ends it, for the most stupid, stupid reason of which she claims. So stupid, that I feel like an idiot when I reveal it to people. I seriously look back now, and say to myself, "F*CK!, I should've f*cked those women while I had the chance, DAMN!" It hits home hard, especially because I rarely get those opportunities.

Like you even said too, and I'm not saying this WILL be the case, but there's always possibilities out there, that when you reach a certain age, things might be harder, and you may not get presented with as many opportunities as you do now. Again, I'm not saying that WILL happen, as I haven't reached that certain age yet, so I don't know...but unfortunately bro, the way I see it, is, you have to be an opportunist just like they are. You have to de-sensitize yourself about "feeling bad" for them, because we all know(at least most of us) that they don't/won't feel bad for us. Unfortunately, it's a dirty, dirty game, and you have to play it dirty right back...and we can of course thank them for that. Sure, I'm sure there are some few and far between women out there who actually do have a heart, and the one you have now may actually be that chick, but, I personally wouldn't be willing to risk anything, and would jump on as many opportunities that present themselves to me. What it comes down to, is, the good women have to suffer for the majority of bad ones. And I'm sorry it has to be that way. My heart goes out to the few good women out there, but I've gotta do what I've gotta do, I'm very sorry.

 

[jophil28]

Is anyone here in an LTR but still spin plates?

Is this something you'd advocate or do you feel that when in an LTR stick only to her or don't be in one?

I'm satisfied in my LTR from an emotional standpoint but from a realist standpoint I'm also in the prime of my life and don't want to have regrets in the future...

Do you expect your girlfriend to be faithful to you , or would it be acceptable to you for her to f*k other guys just because she wants to explore her options, or "not have any regrets in the future"?

 

[decades]

tell her you would like to be in an "open" relationship. Tell her she is free to "spin plates" too. Oh, you might want to tell her what spinning plates means.

 

[decades]

tell her you would like to be in an "open" relationship. Tell her she is free to "spin plates" too. Oh, you might want to tell her what spinning plates means.

 

[Juando]

There are people who can have their cake and eat it too.
I'm not one of them.

I'm not young but this dilemma is a guy thing. I'm on the verge of an LTR with an extraordinary woman. She's out of the country now and I've got a model type half my age throwing herself at me. Am I tempted? FUKKKKKK! yess!
The lust is there but all I have to do is think about how much I value what I would put at risk and it puts things in perspective.

In fact, strange thing, it's brought me closer to the second girl. i really really like her, not shopping for more women friends particularly, but she's a keeper.
I get your dilemma but I'm not going down that road.

I was married for a short time in my early 20s, to a smart woman apparently, because she gave me "permission" to be with other women if it did not come between us. In a split second that put things in perspective and I could tell the differnece between reality and fantasy.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

If you are in an LTR, you are by definition NOT Spinning Plates

Go to the back of the class. Review. Come back when you're ready for the next lesson.

 

[Captain]

Is anyone here in an LTR but still spin plates?

Is this something you'd advocate or do you feel that when in an LTR stick only to her or don't be in one?

I'm satisfied in my LTR from an emotional standpoint but from a realist standpoint I'm also in the prime of my life and don't want to have regrets in the future...

LTR = Long Term Relationship. It doesn't have to be exclusive by definition, although when you say you're in an LTR, that's generally what you mean, a long term, exclusive relationship.

The thing about relationships is that you will never find one that is 100% perfect. That is why I generally advocate spinning plates, especially for inexperienced guys.

You have 2 options:

1. Long term, exclusive relationship.
2. Date multiple women. You CAN do this and still be in a non-exclusive long term relationship with your girlfriend. That's what a lot of men don't get.

 

[drtk]

I haven't been in much LTR, but I make sure that every girl I date knows that I'm free to see other people and that she's too as well.

 

[DJKid]

What's up bro, I'll share my take, as I think I've told you before:

Everyone is different, but ME personally, knowing what I know now about women and the "game", I personally would bag every hot chick that gives me that opportunity...because a woman will drop you at the drop of a hat, as it's been said so many times here. I had a few opportunities when I was with my ex, but didn't act on them because "she was the girl I was destined to be with forever, my soulmate, she'd be with me forever no matter what", as she so euphorically put it. Then 5 months later, BAM, she ends it, for the most stupid, stupid reason of which she claims. So stupid, that I feel like an idiot when I reveal it to people. I seriously look back now, and say to myself, "F*CK!, I should've f*cked those women while I had the chance, DAMN!" It hits home hard, especially because I rarely get those opportunities.

Like you even said too, and I'm not saying this WILL be the case, but there's always possibilities out there, that when you reach a certain age, things might be harder, and you may not get presented with as many opportunities as you do now. Again, I'm not saying that WILL happen, as I haven't reached that certain age yet, so I don't know...but unfortunately bro, the way I see it, is, you have to be an opportunist just like they are. You have to de-sensitize yourself about "feeling bad" for them, because we all know(at least most of us) that they don't/won't feel bad for us. Unfortunately, it's a dirty, dirty game, and you have to play it dirty right back...and we can of course thank them for that. Sure, I'm sure there are some few and far between women out there who actually do have a heart, and the one you have now may actually be that chick, but, I personally wouldn't be willing to risk anything, and would jump on as many opportunities that present themselves to me. What it comes down to, is, the good women have to suffer for the majority of bad ones. And I'm sorry it has to be that way. My heart goes out to the few good women out there, but I've gotta do what I've gotta do, I'm very sorry.

I'm just checking back on this thread today as I don't have as much time to log in anymore. I'm very curious to know what the reason was that your ex broke up with you. It's clearly framed you with a cynical view on women/relationships. You may be right though in that this is just how things are. But from a pure theortical perspective; women hurting men with their capricious behavior and men hurting women by cheating as a result of what is deemed reality in society only would perpetuate a vicious cycle...

From my experience though there are a lot of messed up girls out there and thats why I don't get into LTRs very easily. My current one has qualities that I find rare in women these days.

My dilemma of spinning plates on the side is one I have because of my own negative thoughts on women in society and dating not because of anything she did. As you put it " What it comes down to, is, the good women have to suffer for the majority of bad ones."

Do you expect your girlfriend to be faithful to you , or would it be acceptable to you for her to f*k other guys just because she wants to explore her options, or "not have any regrets in the future"?

I would expect her to be faithful to me and it would be consummately unacceptable if she messed with another guy. I would dump her immediately. This is why I asked the question of whether its ok to "have my cake and eat it too" For those of us that have a utilitarian view on life the answer is probably no, but for those with an egocentric view that answer may be yes. Maybe its ok to to have an egocentric view when it comes to plate spinning and a utilitarian view when it comes to issues affecting large masses of people?

If you are in an LTR, you are by definition NOT Spinning Plates

Go to the back of the class. Review. Come back when you're ready for the next lesson.

I've read the plate theory and I think its a master piece. So based on your boolean statement I'd be very interested to hear your views on LTRs

 

[mothballs]

If there's any possibility that this relationship will go the distance... you really should consider not cheating IMO. If you spin plates while in this relationship and eventually wind up married to her, you will feel the guilt hanging over your head.

If you want to spin plates... tell her you don't want to be exclusive at this time and just see what happens.

 

[Cherokee]

theres no harm in creating harmless plates. It developes your social skills if nothing else. Plus your gf will get a kick out of the fact that your a desirable male.

 

[DonGorgon]

You have to flirt when in an LTR to maintain your charisma.. but do not chase women let women chase you (if possible..lol) you dont have to cheat but make sure you have women who would love for you to cheat with them..

WHY?

Cause your woman has 30+ men who would love her to cheat on you with them and that is where her power comes from..

 

[edger]

If you spin plates while in this relationship and eventually wind up married to her, you will feel the guilt hanging over your head.

Why would he feel guilt when he was just doing it based on the reasons I mentioned? He'd be doing it because he's basically forced to, not because he WANTS to do it. You have to cover your own ass in this game. It is essential. Like I said, women have chosen for the game to be played this way, not us.