Speaking with your partner...

[AlphaGhost]

Ok, since browsing and eventually joining this board, its changed my whole view on communication in a LTR.

Before I was I guess you can say a Jerk-Alpha, more on the jerk side.
Anything that came to mind i'd say it wether it hurted them or i'd just be nagging which im seeing now is super beta...

I've been ALOT more mysterious now, and communicating covertly and passing **** test so much that I'm barely seeing them.

I work an extremely stressfuly job 5-6 days a week 10 hr days and school at night 4 days a week. So by the time im home im so exhausted and stressed and agiated that I just feel like venting...

Sometime when im venting to my partner I could be over analyzing but I feel like a whiney beyotch and stop myself, but holding it in i just get very frustrated to the point that i resent having my gf around cause i feel like i can't speak to her without her viewing me differently.

Now i haven't sensed any lose of respect, and i feel she appreciates all my hard work and my work ethic (especially considering she is pregnant) but i know how women get with a man thats "overly expressive".

So what is a man to do?

 

[zekko]

I've been in similar situations in regard to having a busy schedule like that.
I try to just be thankful that I am in a position to actually be working on my goals (going to school and all). For instance, look at all the people who have lost jobs in this economy.

You know what they say, take it one day at a time. Be thankful and try to do the best you can with today. If you can keep a positive attitude, then maybe you won't feel the need to vent so much to your partner.

 

[FairShake]

If you feel beta, act beta. If she flies away it was never meant to be. If she comes back she's yours forever.

We all have different sides to our personality. Sometimes we're up, sometimes we're down. If you can't be down around your long term relationship I don't know if she's really your long term relationship. She has to have seen all sides of you and been ok with all of them.

 

[AlphaGhost]

Thanks for the response guys,

I agree Fairshake, that if im gonna be with someone forever (thats the plan) that I cant expect them to never see me broken... but from reading around and just learning how women are, someone where in the back of her mind i fear she'll see it as weakness cause I do feel weak when i'm complaining.

 

[hansol]

Two pieces of advice I got from my dad: (1) Never let your father-in-law catch you sitting down, and (2) don't vent your stresses to your LTR. That's why we have guy-friends.

I won't get in to it too much, but basically women like to feel safe and protected from the scary world out there. When you bring home things like how work is kicking your ass, school is putting pressure on you, you're worried about that meteor that is gonna hit the earth etc, it jeopardizes that feeling of "safety" for the woman, and things start to get bad from there. The trick is exactly as you stated: not getting resentful for not being able to express that side of you.

What I've found helpful is just to think of it along the same lines as "shop talk." You know, the kind of swearing and cursing and smoking and chewing and beer drinking that goes on when you and a few buddies are in the shop turning wrenches on a Saturday afternoon; there are things you chat about there that you wouldn't dare bring up with your LTR. So consider all that venting you want to do a shop-talk type of deal. It's not good or bad, it's just what is.

Or to use a better metaphor, think of it as being on an airplane in turbulent weather, and the captain starts talking about how this is crazy, the weather is stressing him out, how he hopes the airplane can take it, etc. He knows exactly what the scoop is and is just talking out loud; he knows everything will work out in the end. You however are crapping your pants thinking "Holy jesus, even the captain thinks this is bad. I'm dead meat." Same sorta thing with your LTR, only you're the captain and she's the passenger. Keep that kind of talk to yourself.

 

[iamnobody]

Two pieces of advice I got from my dad: (1) Never let your father-in-law catch you sitting down, and (2) don't vent your stresses to your LTR. That's why we have guy-friends.

Or to use a better metaphor, think of it as being on an airplane in turbulent weather, and the captain starts talking about how this is crazy, the weather is stressing him out, how he hopes the airplane can take it, etc. He knows exactly what the scoop is and is just talking out loud; he knows everything will work out in the end. You however are crapping your pants thinking "Holy jesus, even the captain thinks this is bad. I'm dead meat." Same sorta thing with your LTR, only you're the captain and she's the passenger. Keep that kind of talk to yourself.

priceless.

 

[AlphaGhost]

Two pieces of advice I got from my dad: (1) Never let your father-in-law catch you sitting down, and (2) don't vent your stresses to your LTR. That's why we have guy-friends.

I won't get in to it too much, but basically women like to feel safe and protected from the scary world out there. When you bring home things like how work is kicking your ass, school is putting pressure on you, you're worried about that meteor that is gonna hit the earth etc, it jeopardizes that feeling of "safety" for the woman, and things start to get bad from there. The trick is exactly as you stated: not getting resentful for not being able to express that side of you.

What I've found helpful is just to think of it along the same lines as "shop talk." You know, the kind of swearing and cursing and smoking and chewing and beer drinking that goes on when you and a few buddies are in the shop turning wrenches on a Saturday afternoon; there are things you chat about there that you wouldn't dare bring up with your LTR. So consider all that venting you want to do a shop-talk type of deal. It's not good or bad, it's just what is.

Or to use a better metaphor, think of it as being on an airplane in turbulent weather, and the captain starts talking about how this is crazy, the weather is stressing him out, how he hopes the airplane can take it, etc. He knows exactly what the scoop is and is just talking out loud; he knows everything will work out in the end. You however are crapping your pants thinking "Holy jesus, even the captain thinks this is bad. I'm dead meat." Same sorta thing with your LTR, only you're the captain and she's the passenger. Keep that kind of talk to yourself.

Perfect advice and analogy! Thanks