Speaking Up

[DOTD]

Hi All. I've been pretty shy/quiet all my life and I'm trying to turn it around. One of my problems is around my friends and around people I know (family..etc) I'm outspoken, confident, always very funny..etc. When I'm around people I don't know I usually clam up and when there is an opportunity to say something funny or inject a comment..etc I seem to just keep quiet, and then only later do I wish I wouldv'e spoken up. I think it's low self esteem becuase I get so caught up in what others might think if I speak my mind (trying to get over this) and also part "nice guy". This girl that I worked with at my last job was always flirting with me, we'd go on lunch breaks..etc. She'd crack sex jokes here and there and me being the "oh, I don't want to offend anyone" ..which is not me at all ..because I around friends etc ..I'm not that way at all. I'd stand there and be like "uhh yeah okay" then blush ..like an idiot. I think I'm finally at the point where I need to stop worrying about what people think of me so much, it's so easy to act confident..etc around people I know, but it always seems like I act like a total different person (shy..etc) to somehow impress people. When I was in high schoool I was the same way, when your quiet/shy and don't speak up I just gave off pretty much a "I don't wanna talk to anyone" vibe, even though that wasen't really the case. The last of school before Christmas break I found out last minute I had to showup for something for a teacher, I was naturally in a great mood because of a 2 week vacation and I was in a great mood was talkative, speaking my mind ..and I actually felt a difference in the way people treated me ..more people talked to me that day then in a week (not a big surprise..being friendly..outgoing..etc) Point is I keep telling myself when I go out "act YOURSELF..not some wuss that acts to impress and doesn't speak his mind/speak up" ..I think it basically comes down to confidence and not caring what others think.

I know I can change, it seems so easy to..just be myself..every time I do though it seems like I'm back to being the quiet guy again.

 

[tryin 2 play]

"Speak your mind even if your voice shakes" - maggie kuhn

 

[Futuristic]

I'm having the same problem as you man. At school or work I'm always known as the "quiet guy" or I get the "you never talk" routine. I'm too nice and polite to offend anybody, & theres always awkward moments and silences when I talk to people. It's really starting to anger me which I think might be good. Even with friends I'm distant and withdrawn sometimes. The problem is either I'm not comfortable around people or I'm not experienced enough in social situations. I think the solution is to just say whatever is on your mind to whoever is around you. Most people I know say pretty much any stupid thing that pops into their head and noone thinks any less of them. Most people don't care what you say anyway, there more concerned with themselves. At the end of the day you forget about it and you just see them as a social and outgoing person. You're not going to like everyone and everyone is not going to like you, that's just life; but if you never talk to anyone you're never gonna find out. I notice when I look & feel good I have a lot more success. You have nothing to lose, but much to gain.Take care of yourself, be positive, & make progress.
:woo:

 

[.illadelph]

i hate being called quiet or shy...and when ppl tell me to open up. when they say "you never talk"..that really pisses me off, because i know it's true. there comes a time that you just hvae to put everything to the back of your mind and just live. forget about everything else....

 

[.illadelph]

double post..

 

[silverwex]

Try:

- affirmations

- positive thinking

- hypnosis

or

- NLP

Ive really gotten into these areas recently and am loving it!

It, like everything else, takes time tho so be patient.