A few minutes ago, as I was writing down a list of my faults and good qualities, I realized that I often come across as cold and stoic to people. This probably spawned out of a combination of things: 3-4 years of middle-school bullying and the media's deep, scary voice constantly warning us to "steer clear of strangers!" As a result, I usually had a defensive mindset and kept my emotions to myself-- I adopted the attitude of the "movie alpha males." I was a man, dammit, and that meant I played it cool all the time. I was on my way to Solid-Snakedom/John Waynedom. Riiight...
While I still admire some of the traits of the aforementioned guys (such as control, confidence, etc.), I am now painfully aware that keeping a straight face all the time and playing Mr. Cool makes you BORING. Worse, this type of attitude can make you seem impersonal and scary. Case in point: a guy in a past thread posted that girls commented that he looked like an ax-murderer.
Well, as he came to discover, if you're silent and brooding all the time that's the vibe you give off. People around you are flooded with messages --"He doesn't seem friendly." "Is he depressed?" "He must not like me."
The only way people will have a positive impression of you is if you GET OFF YOUR ASS AND MAKE ONE. This means exercising those vocal chords a lil bit and saying hi. Don't just relegate this to women. Say hi to EVERYONE-- with a smile of course
A few months ago I was in a local video store by myself just browsing to see what was new. To my surprise, this jovial, rotund 20-something black guy asked me if anything good was out. Haha, I still gotta smile when I recall that moment. I'm a 5'6 white guy, and at the time I was 16. The fact that a total stranger, not to mention one very different from me, asked for my opinion out of nowhere blew me away. He acted like he was an old friend.
I was a bit shaken, but I managed to get out, "Spiderman's pretty good." Then he goes over to his girl (about an 8) and says "This dude says Spiderman's good. I've been wanting to see it, let's get it!" Well, his girl agreed and they rented it! The guy thanked me and left.
I know it seems really small and insignificant, but I felt so fvcking awesome at that time. Whether he knew it or not, that guy was a savior to me-- he blew away my misconceptions and suspicions of strangers and gave me a lot of confidence.
I'm a recovering AFC--my perspective has changed so much because of that guy at the video store, David D., and the SoSuave members. One of the most important things I've come to realize is that the large majority of people are friendly and JUST WAITING for you to say hi. So go ahead and do it. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain!
While I still admire some of the traits of the aforementioned guys (such as control, confidence, etc.), I am now painfully aware that keeping a straight face all the time and playing Mr. Cool makes you BORING. Worse, this type of attitude can make you seem impersonal and scary. Case in point: a guy in a past thread posted that girls commented that he looked like an ax-murderer.
Well, as he came to discover, if you're silent and brooding all the time that's the vibe you give off. People around you are flooded with messages --"He doesn't seem friendly." "Is he depressed?" "He must not like me."
The only way people will have a positive impression of you is if you GET OFF YOUR ASS AND MAKE ONE. This means exercising those vocal chords a lil bit and saying hi. Don't just relegate this to women. Say hi to EVERYONE-- with a smile of course
A few months ago I was in a local video store by myself just browsing to see what was new. To my surprise, this jovial, rotund 20-something black guy asked me if anything good was out. Haha, I still gotta smile when I recall that moment. I'm a 5'6 white guy, and at the time I was 16. The fact that a total stranger, not to mention one very different from me, asked for my opinion out of nowhere blew me away. He acted like he was an old friend.
I was a bit shaken, but I managed to get out, "Spiderman's pretty good." Then he goes over to his girl (about an 8) and says "This dude says Spiderman's good. I've been wanting to see it, let's get it!" Well, his girl agreed and they rented it! The guy thanked me and left.
I know it seems really small and insignificant, but I felt so fvcking awesome at that time. Whether he knew it or not, that guy was a savior to me-- he blew away my misconceptions and suspicions of strangers and gave me a lot of confidence.
I'm a recovering AFC--my perspective has changed so much because of that guy at the video store, David D., and the SoSuave members. One of the most important things I've come to realize is that the large majority of people are friendly and JUST WAITING for you to say hi. So go ahead and do it. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain!
