space talk

[hose406]

hey guys, long time lurker first time poster. im in a ltr and got the dread space question, but there are some things that have gotten me quite confused.


a little backround info.


both 23 years old, been dating for almost a year. have meet each others family and been on many family outings, everyones happy. theres plenty of sex, great relationship, fun dates etc. heres where it gets a little dicey, she works and lives with her parents, her mom recently quit her job and is now going to work with her dad at his trucking company which now makes them all under the same roof all of the time. She als works at a salon, but doesnt have enough clientel to make any money. basically she works mon and tuesday for prtents, and theat pays booth rent for thurs- sat at the salon, so shes frustrated with where her lifes at right now to say the least.


now on to the next problem, she has celiac disease, for those who dont know what that is, when ever she injest wheat dairy or gluten in the smallest bit it is like posion to her. think of food poision to us, bt for 5 to 6 WEEKS!

now onto the problems,

she has been sick for the last month or so because of accidently injesting the gluten which mean we dont do much because she so sick. little arguements pop up here and there, but i attribute it to beig sick all the time. fast forward a few weeks, she starting to feel better, i take here and her friends to a club for a bday party( i knowits kind afc, but id rather not have her drunk ass friends get in a wreck so i drove, went to another club with my friends) next morning shes sick again, end up taking her to the er because she isnt looking so hot, find out she got strep throat from another girl at the salon who had it. meanwhile in he hospital, telling me i love you, your the best thing thats ever happened to me etc.

fast forward 4 days and i get the "i need my space"

after the space talk, she is still

1) contacting me, i dont NOT contact her first, and am keeping things casual
2) kept pictures of us on her myspace, even tho we both changed status to single( she said she did cuz i did)
3) took me out to dinner and stressd that she is going thru tough times and just needs to figure things out. that she still loves me and doesnt want to lose me, just she cant be in a realtionship now because she is burnt out from everything else. she told me she wont see other people, and would apprreciate it if i didnt either.
4) celiacs are proven to have mood swings



my question is wtf do i do. do i stay or do i go, shes giving me the vibe that she really cars for me, and really truly does want to make things work, but sometimes it feels like im being lead on. it still feels like we are dating, but that might be because its only been about a week. I understand the crisises that shes going thru. she knows i want to be her bf and not just her friend, but what should i do? please help

 

[KontrollerX]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=126471

That famous topic I just linked has your answer.

Also it feels like you are being lead on because you are being lead on.

She is looking out for her best interests and scanning the horizon for the big and better deal but wants to keep you around and at arm's length until she finds such a man so she can always have someone in her life until she finds your replacement.

For this reason she has a despicable character about her.

Combine that with her physical ailments and you have an extremely undesireable girl on your hands.

I'd advise you to use the information and what you've learned here to find someone better for yourself who isn't physically ill and a user like this.

 

[Warrior74]

I was just reading about celiac disease and gluten in US News earlier today. weird. But i digress....

ignore the health issues. Look at behavior. Your gut is telling you the right thing, listen to Kontroller and that link. Start meeting and going out with other women ASAP.

 

[jacob]

alot of guys experience this. The relationship to her has run it's course and she's giving you a honourable way out. Although it hurts her and she does appreciate the things you've done, like KontrollerX says she just wants someone there for comfort until something else comes along. Leave the memories beautiful before it starts to turn ugly, this way she'll never forget you. Start no contact and never look back it'll be difficult but lesson learned and experience gained.

 

[theunflushables]

4) celiacs are proven to have mood swings

Women are also proven to have mood swings. Don't use her condition as an excuse.

Think about it, we don't go around saying "people with Down Syndrome have the strength of twenty men so don't piss them off".

Look beyond the condition and see that its over. The proof was in your points.

1. contacting me, i dont NOT contact her first, and am keeping things casual.

(My ex calls me time to time to check up, I never call her. We havent been together in almost two years.)

2. kept pictures of us on her myspace, even tho we both changed status to single.

(Again, same thing I have pictures of her on my myspace)

3. took me out to dinner and stressd that she is going thru tough times and just needs to figure things out. that she still loves me and doesnt want to lose me, just she cant be in a realtionship now because she is burnt out from everything else. she told me she wont see other people, and would apprreciate it if i didnt either.

(there's your answer. But don't listen to bs about you not dating other people. If she's not in a relationship with you, she has no say over you seeing other people.)

Move on, for your sake.

 

[hose406]

well here its been a month almost since we broke up, she still contacts me everyday, and still doesnt know what she wants. ive tried going out on other dates, but i didnt really want to be there at all... the whole time i couldnt stop thinking about the ex. i am still open to getting back together with her, but i want to keep my sanity, is there any way to stay in good graces with out blowing up the bridge? its hard for me when she asks me if im seeing anyone, and tells me she isnt, or she gets curious when she hasnt heard from me, and she wonders who im with or what im doing... she still says she doesnt know what she wants, is confused, still loves me and isnt over me, and i feel like im beating a dead horse... its like if you wanted to break up why in the hell are you still talking to me? any tips on getting over someone besides getting someone new? im at my wits end here

 

[puma183]

This equation has been proven many times based on the shared experiences of many men. When a woman says:

I NEED SPACE

What she is trying to tell you is:

I WANT TO BANG OTHER GUYS

 

[hose406]

i dunno i guess it would be easier to understand if she just dropped me, but the fact that she keeps contacting me is what throws me for a loop. Everytime i update my myspace, no matter what it says she texts me about it. She asks if im seeing other people etc, its like shes acting that she still cares and still shows high IL, but it seems like a bluff, but what i cannot figure out is why not just let me fade away instead on contiusly turning the knife in me... She even said i was being rude because of the way im acting, actually giving her space and trying to do my own thing i dont know the whole situation is starting to become over burdening, it wouldve been so much easier if she wouldve just told the truth... why would you cats do in this situation, what are some of the things i can expect if i go no contact, should i show no emotion and just be like ice?

 

[Warrior74]

you are her safety fall back postion. She's just making sure you are still there.

Anyway...what do you want? Why do you want it?

Look inside and see what it is you really really want and why and do that.

A man has to make his own choices.