The InvisibleMan's thread (http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=111134) had me thinking about something, perhaps more material for Rollo's book.
Quite often the term 'Soulmate' is being used by guys so I will stipulate early on that this myth clearly afflicts men as well as women. And soulmate is an interesting term, especially when you look at how it used and when it is used. It is not at all uncommon to hear phrases such as "we were soulmates", "I don't think I'll ever find my soulmate", "my soulmate is out there somewhere searching for me", "I am waiting for my soulmate", etc, etc, etc. Basically, a statement used quite frequently in and around stressfull events for a person (or persons supporting those experiencing a stressor). We all know at a simple logical level how ironic this belief is and we know how widespread and conditioned it has become.
Yet InvisibleMan's thread brings up an interesting angle to this rationalization that there is only one. It would appear that there is a sample group (of notable proportion) made up of men who are awaiting their 'Perfect Woman". It is quite clear that many experience this belief so strongly that they may even resist any form of intimacy well into their mature years rather than experience a woman deemed to be less than perfect.
What a interesting, yet potentially stressfull position to adopt. Almost as if the underlying fear of rejection is so incredibly strong that a man rationalizes (ironically illogically) that he should wait for the 'Perfect Mate" rather than risk being rejected and thereby potentially perceived by others as weaker or less masculine (ie negative masculinity).
Many guys know the soulmate thing is bunk. Yet they still find a place to hide via the excuse of "High Standards".
And "High Standards" leads to another interesting observation. If a guy is a player/DJ and sleeps with a lot of women, our current (Western) society will often play that against him. Yet if a guy is a 40yr old virgin and upon confronting/questioning says "I'm waiting for Ms.Right, I have high standards" he is oddly accepted by the feminine clutch and in a true stroke of irony he is very immediately and unknowningly categorized and extremely Beta, part of their flock so speak. The exact opposite of where his rationalization was meant to take him.
Sort of interesting anyways, when a guy is operating at a logical level or has avoided social conditioning he will not bring the term "Soulmate" to the discussion, yet his rationalization to wait or a "Perfect Mate" can be even more damaging in that he may never experience intimacy at all.
Quite often the term 'Soulmate' is being used by guys so I will stipulate early on that this myth clearly afflicts men as well as women. And soulmate is an interesting term, especially when you look at how it used and when it is used. It is not at all uncommon to hear phrases such as "we were soulmates", "I don't think I'll ever find my soulmate", "my soulmate is out there somewhere searching for me", "I am waiting for my soulmate", etc, etc, etc. Basically, a statement used quite frequently in and around stressfull events for a person (or persons supporting those experiencing a stressor). We all know at a simple logical level how ironic this belief is and we know how widespread and conditioned it has become.
Yet InvisibleMan's thread brings up an interesting angle to this rationalization that there is only one. It would appear that there is a sample group (of notable proportion) made up of men who are awaiting their 'Perfect Woman". It is quite clear that many experience this belief so strongly that they may even resist any form of intimacy well into their mature years rather than experience a woman deemed to be less than perfect.
What a interesting, yet potentially stressfull position to adopt. Almost as if the underlying fear of rejection is so incredibly strong that a man rationalizes (ironically illogically) that he should wait for the 'Perfect Mate" rather than risk being rejected and thereby potentially perceived by others as weaker or less masculine (ie negative masculinity).
Many guys know the soulmate thing is bunk. Yet they still find a place to hide via the excuse of "High Standards".
And "High Standards" leads to another interesting observation. If a guy is a player/DJ and sleeps with a lot of women, our current (Western) society will often play that against him. Yet if a guy is a 40yr old virgin and upon confronting/questioning says "I'm waiting for Ms.Right, I have high standards" he is oddly accepted by the feminine clutch and in a true stroke of irony he is very immediately and unknowningly categorized and extremely Beta, part of their flock so speak. The exact opposite of where his rationalization was meant to take him.
Sort of interesting anyways, when a guy is operating at a logical level or has avoided social conditioning he will not bring the term "Soulmate" to the discussion, yet his rationalization to wait or a "Perfect Mate" can be even more damaging in that he may never experience intimacy at all.