Sosuave, I need your help with an issue I can't resolve.

[Shivastorm_88]

I'll give you the background to explain my problem:

Last Wednesday I went drinking with some friends and I met a girl with whom I hit it off quite well, we spent the night making out (didn't escalate to ONS, not really comfortable enough to hit that level yet). I was basically really smooth with her, had a good overall game, but also my social interactions with the whole group was top notch, I was basically the alpha of the group (if you want to use those terms)

The problem is (and the same I always have): Fast forward tonight, it was a total disaster. I went to play tennis with her and two friends, and I couldn't help but be extremely awkward. I basically reverted to my old AFC self, forcing bad jokes, I was far from being the alpha of the group (light of the party, etc.) and with the girl itself I wasn't hitting it off at all, it was overall very awkward.

And this is not related to alcohol, because it happens all the time every time I meet a new girl, the first time I'm very smooth, when the date comes, I mess it all up. I need help to get around this issue, has anyone here ever went through this, how did you work around it? I feel like on the first date I always revert back to my old AFC self and am no longer acting natural. :cuss:

Edit: With a little retrospect, what doesn't help is that I couldn't help but look forward to the date the whole week (even though I know it's bad, can't be helped), this could be one of the source of the issues. I think to resolve this I need to find a good hobby I can dedicate myself too, but I doubt it's the root of the problem...

 

[The Piano Master]

Next time try and isolate the girl. Having the friends around likely hampered your attempts at success.

 

[Shivastorm_88]

No that's not the issue, the main issue is that I anticipate so much the moment that I end up making it awkward, no matter what the scenario can be.

 

[runner83]

You still need to isolate her.

If you meet her with friends early on, that doesn't count as a date - it counts as hanging together as friends.

I think your main problem is lack of options.

If the date is your only thing for the week, then you're going to treat it with more seriousness than it deserves.

You NEED to have other options.

That way, when date time rolls around, you'll instead think "this girl is kind of cute, but I wonder what else she has going for her" knowing that if she doesn't work out, you'll just move onto the next option.

Or to summarise, the words a wise man once said, "SPIN MORE PLATES!"

 

[ARrocket]

Next time try and isolate the girl. Having the friends around likely hampered your attempts at success.

While this may not be the reason you were awkward, isolation would still help your cause. How are you going to escalate on a tennis court with other people around? Tennis has a different kind of love

Your main problem, as you probably are somewhat aware of, is your over-eagerness to see this girl. THIS is PRECISELY why it is of UTMOST importance to HAVE OTHER OPTIONS!!!!!!!!

You may not have one-itis for this girl, but a lot of the same problems are occurring. Really eager to see her, nervous about the whole thing, analyzing every little interaction....not good!!

You need to spin plates so that you divide your attention between multiple women. You ALSO have to realize that this is JUST ANOTHER GIRL. Do NOT put her on a pedestal the way you are. Because when you do, you get nervous. Why should you be?

EDIT: Damn, runner83 beat me to it. +1

 

[Shivastorm_88]

More options eh? Yeah that does sound like the best option, although easier said than done hahah

Oh well yet another reason to work on my cold approaches!

Cheers

 

[CrashOverRide]

Read Plate Theory. It should be in the archives. A classic thread

 

[Phat]

ur gay