Sort of new to all this.. wondering what to do

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Congrats, see how results from face to face interaction is beyond text messaging and e-mailing - you set the record straight - women love this! I hope your jubilation materializes! Out of curiosity, what held you back, no viagra?

 

[SteR]

lol no, I guess it's cause it's gonna be my first time and we just got together and I didn't wanna blow it. We slept together last night and she kept saying she was gagging to have sex with me etc etc and was nagging me all night lol. We got very touchy feely and I just said we better wait and she said that was cool but kept asking . Anyway after a while my hands drifted and I started fingering her for a bit but that was it. I may have sex with her tonight but I'm just so damn nervous it's unreal. I kinda know what to do I'm just scared of doing it . Plus to top it off I can't help but have the BIGGEST hard on whenever I'm with her lol. It's so bad cause my **** just won't go down and I'm scared that if we do have sex I'll come within like 3 seconds haha

Any tips?

 

[lerxst]

If you don't sex her within 24 hours she will take that to mean you aren't serious and move on. Strike while the iron is hot. Really. Forget that waiting crap, just do it! She wants it, you wants it, what is the problem here?!?!?!

Oh, and the tip: Have her go down on you first, then return the favor to her and then, bada bing bada boom...

 

[bp1974]

Dude, lerxst is right. You have got to get over your first time nerves and sex her up NOW.

She is not going to give you many more chances, nor should she have to. You've got to do it some time, it may as well be tonight.

Forget that it's your first time. If you give her enough good foreplay it won't matter much. The important thing is that you f*ck her. Once you've done it once, no matter how incompetently, it'll get a whole lot easier for you.

Keep your sense of humour, relax and enjoy it.

Consider yourself lucky you're getting another chance. If you don't f*ck her the next time you and she are in bed, you will not get another chance, and you will be her 'just friends' forever.

Sometimes you've got to stop thinking and just do it.

You're going to have sex tonight! It's your first time! It's a GOOD THING! Get excited!

 

[Tails]

Go for it bro! Stick your frankfurt into that HOLE!

You don't do it now, she'll get bored of you and move on you silly boy. Don't be a fool. Satisfy both of your needs otherwise you'll have a boner 24/7 like me... although, I start to wonder if I had viagra put inside my penis when I was born. I get random boners all the time.

 

[SteR]

well... quick update. We went out last night a few of us drinking and to a club and we ended up coming home and having sex.

The only problem was I had been drinking quite a lot lol. I managed to get hard but not mega hard and could have sex but I couldn't come!

So anyway everything else was perfect other than that as I went down on her and made her come etc and I just said I was really nervous around her cause she was so attractive blah blah when really it was probably the drink

 

[bp1974]

Good for you. Although next time you have that problem be straight up (no pun intended) and tell her it's the drink.

 

[SteR]

Righto, I'm completely confused.

Basically we slept together last night and everything was cool. I went off to the gym this morning and when I get back I knock on her door and just say how's it goin blah blah and she says she's gonna have a nap and I ask if I can join her and I do.

We then just lie down and start talkin crap and she brings up the topic of us.

THIS is where I get confused. She basically says that she doesn't want anything heavy because of the crap that's gone wrong in her last relationship and I was like 'ok that's fine' bla bla and she was sayin that we shouldn't say we're bf and gf yet and all this crap and then she says to me 'are u angry with me?' and I was like nah just confused because I don't know what's goin thru her head.

So anyway we sleep and then she gets up and turns the light on and just sits on the bed staring like she's thinking and I ask her if anything's wrong and she says no.

She then walks out her room and just sits in the kitchen staring and thinking again and I was like 'er ok something's wrong' and she said nothing and just sat there so I just didn't say anything and just went to my room.

I don't really know how to handle her now because the other day it seemed like she was desperate for me and now she doesn't seem to give a **** and I just don't know what to do? Anybody got any advice?

 

[SteR]

help guys?

I guess the whole thing I'm worried about here is she's just gonna say 'ok this isn't working out - let's end it' because I really do like this girl and she knows I like her and I know she likes me but she just gives off weird signals.

And since she said she doesn't want anything heavy I don't know what this means because I live with her so do I just not hug her or what? god this is fvcking confusing because I do NOT want to blow it.

She also hasn't split with her other boyfriend yet although she hasn't seen him in like 3 weeks and says she wants to - man I'm confused as hell

 

[lerxst]

Ok, it looks like this girl needs a little space from you. She's overwhelmed right now with everything that's happened between the two of you. She may be feeling a little guilty since she didn't break it off with the boyfriend yet. This is post-game ASD. So, keep it all on the down low. And give her her space right now to sort things out. Go about your normal every day stuff like nothing happened, but don't go out of your way to "comfort" her. Don't be rude, but you live together which DOES complicate things, but everyone needs their own space to go to, so just let her be for the moment. Be mindful of that, she needs her personal zone right now, so no knocking on the door to say what's up. She may be feeling like you want too much right, or are going to be clingy/become needy/do a victory lap, etc. All this may not be what your reality is, but it's probably what hers is at the moment. When she is ready, she will come to you. She now knows where to go to get what she wants and needs. For now, it's time to chill and be like Andre 3000 says "Ice Cold!". You are a DJ after all, now aren't you? When she comes to you, lead and pace where you want things to go. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT BRING UP RELATIONSHIP TALK. Let her do that when she is ready.

Ya done good so far.

 

[SteR]

Okay well we slept together again last night and same problem occured.. I dunno why but I just can't seem to come or even keep that hard when we're having sex and I don't know why. I'm pretty sure it's nerves (because this is my first time) but it's seriously making me feel so bad.

We were lyin in bed last night and I just said 'do u wanna have sex' and she was like 'yea sure' so we did and I went down on her and made her come but when it came to penetration I just wasn't hard anymore and couldn't come and she really didn't seem to be responding after that so I just said 'is anything wrong' and she was like no and we just went to sleep

God I feel so bad about this all right now

 

[bp1974]

She might be feeling out of her depth right now. It sounds like her needy-new-guy-radar is going off.

Just because it's obvious there's something wrong, doesn't mean she is going to tell you. But that doesn't stop you taking the lead on this and being the mature one.

Tell her straight - you can see it's obvious she's struggling with everything right now.

Back off so she can see that she doesn't need to worry about you as well as everything else. The more nervous and confused you act around her, the more likely she is to end things before they even get properly started. She needs to see from your actions that you are getting on ok, and aren't hanging on her next move.

I'm sorry it's turning out like this but growing up isn't always enjoyable.

 

[SteR]

ah crap. I guess I'll just stay clear of her today and talk to her when I see her and not go and knock on her door etc.

I guess I'm just feeling really down at the moment because I have no idea what's going out and I ain't performing right which is making me feel like a piece of sh1t. I do like this girl and I want to be with her and I'm just not sure she feels the same

 

[bp1974]

Yeah it hurts. But you're not performing crap. You're doing fine, and you're being really hard on yourself.

She does have a boyfriend situation to sort out, and she's confused and feeling the pressure of it. So the less she feels pressured by the situation with you, the more likely you are to keep a good relationship with her. She's obviously got a lot of attraction for you because she really wanted to f*ck you and did so. But like she said, she's not in the right place for a full on relationship with you - she's got too much on her plate right now.

There's not a lot for you to do now except sit back and see how it plays out. Keep it light and fun with her. Don't mope about the house - go into town or something if you're feeling down so she won't see you. Get some friends together and go out and get drunk. Not too drunk though or you'll end up knocking on her door when you get home so you can tell her you love her.

 

[lerxst]

Originally posted by SteR
We were lyin in bed last night and I just said 'do u wanna have sex' and she was like 'yea sure' so we did

Um, how do I say this? DO NOT ASK HER TO HAVE SEX!!!!!! You just start kissing, fooling around, etc. DO NOT ASK PERMISSION!!!! If she doesn't want sex she will tell you so. This puts pressure on her by putting all the sexual decisions on her. You don't want this, as it makes you look uncertain, weak.

In general, girls want to just be taken by their men, they want to be the submissive to the dominant male. They don't want to be the one to make the decision to have sex. It's the man's role to "make things just happen". That is your role. Look, this is all new to you, but you are putting way way too much pressure on yourself also. You are doubting yourself. Stop that. Now. It's part of why you can't come cause you are too overly concerned about it. You seriously need to just go with the flow and not force things to happen. This is what you are doing at the moment. Enjoy the moment to it's fulliest. Feel, don't think.

You need to be cooler than cool, Ice Cold right now. This doesn't mean being cold-hearted. Be super-chill. Remember that you are The Man. Just let things happen. Don't be overly concerned or let your thoughts hijack your instincts. You need to be certain of yourself, and of what you want. As player supreme would say, you are on the verge of becoming a "symp". You don't want to be there, my friend. Like bp said, go out, do stuff away from the apartment. Live your life. Don't make it like you are trying to avoid her, that will just bring you bigger problems. Just be natural, relaxed, a DJ without a care in the world.

Remember, you can't help her with whatever is going on with her. You have to let her be and work things out for herself. She will come to you when she is ready. But, if you force things and don't let things just happen, you will drive her away. And if things don't pan out, hey, you still caught the cat so stop stressing over all this. There will be other girls.

 

[SteR]

Thanks man I appreciate your comments and yea I think I will just do what I want and see what happens. I WAS gonna stay in tonight but my mates just asked if I wanna go out so methinks I will

And I know I am being very hard on myself but I like this girl a hell of a lot and I don't want anything to go wrong with her which is why I feel so bad about my performance in bed :/

Anyway if you guys got any more to tell me.. please do so I can put my mind at rest Thanks!

 

[lerxst]

Nothing anyone says here will put your mind to rest. That is all on you to do from within. There is nothing wrong with liking a girl, but it sounds to me like you are getting too caught up with her. There is no need to worry about things going wrong, because guess what? Things will go wrong. Things will go right. It doesn't matter because you will know inside yourself that you can go with the flow of things and deal with whatever may or may not happen. She will see that she can rely on you through your actions, She doesn't have to worry about you, etc...

Look, you've made it a point in three separate posts to say how worried you are and how much you like her. You need to stop yourself thinking in this manner. You've acknowledged it. We all get it. It's time to move forward from this.

Now, go have some fun with the mates and think nothing of what is going on at home.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Ster, ypu are thinking too much and it is affecting you psychologically and physically and this mindset is undermining your performance. Quit trying to figure out what she is thinkiing...play your role as a man and that is all that you have control over. She could have regrets that she moved too fast with you and your questioning her constanty is not helping the situation. Let her think things through and act unaffected and do not ask her any more questions!!! she'lll talk to you when it is necessary. Do not be devastated if things go against you - this is only a blip on your radar screen in terms of your life experiences!!