Sometimes the pain of rejection IS worse than the pain of regret

[Darth]

I've never felt so close to strangers on the net before. Thank you to everyone who posted. It still hurts, but I know I'll get over this thing.

 

[Hikapo]

Hey Darth, I am feeling what you are feeling right now.

Stay strong.

 

[handle]

Rejection is terminal. When you've been rejected, generally that's that. It'll suck for a while, but in a yeah it probably won't suck anymore. Regret just keeps festering. The "what if?" will still be there long after the several times you could have made a move.

I agree that the pain or rejection is worse in the short term. But in the long term, you won't have that constant nagging of regret. Hold in there.

 

[Jariel]

There are positives of rejection. Sometimes it's good to snap you out of complacency or push you into becoming a better man.

Each bad rejection/break up I've gone through has marked a turning point in my life. One saw me improve my image, another encouraged me to hit the gym, another led me here to discovered invaluable info on seduction and self improvement...and so on.

Another great thing about rejection is that the more you get the less you will fear it. After several rejections it gets so much easier to approach women, ask them out or generally hit on them.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Lesson One

A young man, overflowing with desire, saw a woman he thought was extremely cute. She was simply walking around and was involved with her own things.

“I should speak to her,” he told himself. “I must meet her!”

But his body would not obey. He stood there, watching her in the corner of his eye, and felt as if he was burning. She eventually left and he cursed himself even more.

Then appeared another woman who was even cuter!

“I should say hi,” he told himself. Yet, he stood like a statue and his body felt as if he was burning. “She is out of my league. She would never go for someone like me!” He never approached and the woman left.
Yet, another woman appeared more beautiful than the first two!

Somehow, he got himself to approach. “Hi!” he sputtered nervously. She was pleasant. He eventually asked for the number to which she said no. Even though he failed, he felt much better that he tried.

“Alas,” he said now realizing the error of his ways.

“Rejection is better than Regret”

“Remember,” said Pook. “Change is gradual. Before, you saw no opportunities. Now, you see them all about you, yet you are too hesitant to take them. You’re slowly becoming more aware.”

“What are you saying?”

“When you find yourself hesitant, always yield to Action. If you see her, do not wait, gawk or wait for a ‘perfect moment’. Action, action, action!”

“Pook, I cannot. You see… I am insecure. I don’t have that confidence!”

“You are confusing CAUSE and EFFECT. The CAUSE of your hesitant nature is not because of your insecurity. You have not gotten what you’ve wanted, what you’ve desired. THAT is the cause of your hesitant nature.”

“What?”

“You are caught in the vicious cycle. You are hesitant because you are not used for things going your way. And things will never go your way because you remain hesitant. You see what you want, become hesitant, and the door of opportunity closes. It happens again. And again. And again. With each choice towards Inaction, you reject yourself a little bit more.”

Pook continued. “This is where that cycle of hesitation leads. In your world of Hesitation, you shred off more and more of your manliness until you turn into a full-fledged Nice Guy. Then you seek to remove hesitation by making the approach risk free. Then you start giving gifts, poetry, flowers, and declarations of love. You start to examine and re-examine non-existent signals until they read the way you want them to read. In the end, you place her on the pedestal and throw yourself to her worship.

“If there is a choice between less pain or the possibility of more pain, we default to the less pain. In adolescence, going for a girl and failing made you think everyone else would laugh at you. Whether or not it was true, you thought it was true. This was how you were kept within the cycle.”

“But Pook! How do I get out?”

“By realizing that the choice of Inaction is more painful than Action. Childhood is over. You are the MAN. You must approach. Always default to Action now. From those of us who wasted years in that hesitation mode know that Rejection is always better than Regret. Always.”

 

[Darth]

^^ That is the classic post on this. A couple nights ago, I felt the most miserable feeling I've felt in a long, long time and I thought that this was wrong.

But you know what, I'm glad that it happened because now I'm getting off my butt and putting my life in order. She'll see that I'm different, maybe she'll give me another chance. Except I'm not sure if I want one anymore. Let me rephrase that. I want another chance with her not because I want HER, but to restore her RESPECT in me as a guy that doesn't suck with women.

 

[bombtrack2007]

i feel like **** over a girl right now too, darth. you're not alone. once you have enough battle scares, the battle won't even phase you anymore. i'm still trying to get there myself.

 

[Darth]

Hahahaha......

The girl emailed me.

Whether rejection is more painful or whether regret is, there's one thing for sure:

NO CONTACT! It really works.