Sometimes it's nobodys fault

[Burningblue]

Last night, a girl whom I care for very deeply, ended our 3 month relationship. She told me that while she cared about me very much and thought that I was an amazing guy, she just knew that I wasn't "the one". She couldn't explain how she knew. I guess it was just an instinct or a feeling. I know that she cared about me. She was so upset. It was so hard for her to tell me. She told me that she wouldn't have changed one second of our time together. I wouldn't change one second of it either.
When I got back to my quiet apartment and had to face the music on my own, that was when it really hurt. I started thinking about all the things that I've learned from the discussions on this site. I started to wonder what I had done wrong. Surely, I shouldn't have shown my feelings for her...even after she showed hers for me. Surely, I never should have sent those flowers on Valetines Day. I kept thinking of ways that I might have ruined it by being a "nice guy". I was torturing myself. I wanted to blame myself.
Even though I am still hurting, I think the truth is that sometimes nobody is to blame. Sometimes, no matter what you do, no matter how perfectly you try to be Don Juan, it's just not right. And it has to be right for both of you. There's has never been a way to make the other person love you...and there never will be. Maybe understanding that fact is the most important lesson to learn in the search for a mate. Just know that you did your best and that it doesn't need to be anyone's fault. Sometimes you just have to let go.

 

[DJDamage]

Last night, a girl whom I care for very deeply, ended our 3 month relationship. She told me that while she cared about me very much and thought that I was an amazing guy, she just knew that I wasn't "the one".

If she really cared about you man and thought you were an amazing guy then she would still be with you. The reason she said you weren't the one because some other guy already stepped into the picture. Don't fall for chicks after 3 months of dating, protect the heart until your woman is proven to you she is good for the long haul.

I know that she cared about me. She was so upset. It was so hard for her to tell me. She told me that she wouldn't have changed one second of our time together. ".

Again if she really cared about you she wouldn't have left you. Trust me it wasn't very hard for her at all. If a girl ever tells you its over between the two of you don't let her sit down with you and explain why because it will be a waste of time. She will just try to tie loose ends and end it so you will believe her and that she will feel good about herself.

Just know that you did your best and that it doesn't need to be anyone's fault.

Never say you did your best only to fail in the end. You will do better then your best with the new found knowledge you gained from that relationship. Didn't want to be harsh on you but let the b1tch go and go start chasing tail out there and have fun and don't commit to anyone until they prove they are worth it. If you had other options you wouldn't have been so stuck hard on this girl after 3 months of dating.

DjDamage

 

[BBX]

You fvcked her right????,,,then who cares...just cry about it, get it all out, and it won't be a big deal.

 

[Jariel]

Even though I am still hurting, I think the truth is that sometimes nobody is to blame. Sometimes, no matter what you do, no matter how perfectly you try to be Don Juan, it's just not right. And it has to be right for both of you. There's has never been a way to make the other person love you...and there never will be. Maybe understanding that fact is the most important lesson to learn in the search for a mate.

VERY wise words! Accepting this is a great way to move on rather than dwelling on past actions and "mistakes". The problem with a lot of guys (myself included) is that at some point we develop this control freak mentality that makes us believe that the "right" or "wrong" actions (or even just words) can determine attraction. It's not true. Even if you can somehow convince a woman to be with you, you cannot really convince her to feel any chemistry.

I've been with some really hot, successful and fun girls and not felt anything for them, and then average looking girls with bad attitudes who I've been obsessed with. People would ask me why I kept going for these girls and there was no logical answer.

Anyway, good post and a positive outlook. Good luck coming to terms with your break up and moving on!

 

[Jariel]

What if the logical answer, Jariel, is that subconsciously you thought average girls with bad attitude was all you deserved, and your mind tried sabotaging relationships with hot and fun girls?

Actually at one point this was definitely true, consciously as well as subconsciously. A few years ago I rejected the hottest girl I've ever met (a FHM model) for a lesser girl because I considered her out of my league. But on some levels I've always been quite attracted to the humble types and "damsels in distress".