Something's up with my girlfriend.

[Juan Schwartz]

I haven't used this forum in three over three years, but I need some advise or opinions on something.

I've been in a relationship for about 9 months, and everything was great early on, but lately it's been... I don't know... not so great?

We hardly ever have sex anymore. Like maybe once a month, and even then it's quick and boring. And we fight too much, over nothing, and even the fights have gotten boring. :yawn:

Now I suspect she's contemplating her options.

My girlfriend is a big pothead. I'm not. It's one of the many, many things (ie: everything) we don't have in common. Normally this isn't a problem. I don't really mind. This isn't the issue.

She used to buy her weed off these people who lived far away, because she apparently will only smoke "the good ****", and since she didin't like driving all the way out to their house every couple of weeks, she started looking into other options, one of which was an old roommate of mine. I guess he was acting as a middleman, and eventually just introduced her to the guy he gets it from. This guy happens to be one of his employees (he owns a tattoo shop, and this other guy works for him).

Just a little background info: she likes tall guys, with tattoos (tattoo artists especially), who sell pot. At least that's according to an ex of hers, who I ignored, thinking he was only trying to steer me wrong. He was basically trying to warn me that she was shallow, and preferred guys who could do things for her.

Anyway, this guy is all of these things.

I wasn't really bothered, but then I noticed this sudden habitual internet use of hers. And, when I walk into the room, she'll either minimize the screen, or pretend to be playing solitaire, with a few minimized window's at the bottom of the screen. Not that I'm snooping. It's in a common room, and I only get a glance of the screen, if that.

When she came home from work today, she was acting too bubbly, and told me she had to use the bathroom quick, because she was going to go buy some pot.

This is what's bothering me. Whenever she went to the other people, or to my old roommate, she would just go straight after work, still in her scrubs. Now she came all the way home, got changed, doused herself in perfume (the best she has, the one she used to wear when we were first starting out), and when she got into the car she just sat there for a few minutes, checking herself out in the mirror and putting lip balm on.

She wasn't gone for very long, for whatever that's worth.

Later on in the night, out of the blue, she asked me if I have a problem with her smoking, and for a second, I swore she wanted me to say "yes".

 

[WaterTiger]

Dude! Seriously! You know what's going on! She likes pot more than she likes you and she's probably doing some nasty things to get it.

Why are you even with a pot head chick anyway? She sounds like a total loser. (Spare us all the "good things" about her! She's a druggie, that sucks her bong instead of you)

Next time listen to your friend....

 

[Juan Schwartz]

I doubt she's doing anything "nasty". I saw her counting money when she was in her car. Instead I think this is a prelude to things in the future. Like she could be sizing this guy up or something.

And I don't have an aversion to potheads. She doesn't do any other drugs, and if I was to criticize her for it, it would make me a hypocrite. I used to be an alcoholic. I can tolorate her smoking a bowl when she gets home from work.

And I know what everyone's thinking about the sex thing, but lately it's been me who's turning it down. I used to practically beg her for it, and one night I got so pissed off I jumped out of bed, started packing my things, then when I ran out of boxes, I got so pissed off I drove out into the middle of nowhere and slept in my car.

Ever since then I stopped stroking her ego.

 

[Number_One]

Break out the Kama Sutra

 

[Jitterbug]

Are we supposed to convince you that your relationship is, for all purposes, deader than a dead parrot? You've already done a great job at that.

 

[The Gamer]

Uhhhhhh...break up with her? Dude, you just said you don't have sex hardly and when you do it's not good. You don't enjoy being around her cause you guys fight and when you DO fight you don't enjoy that? Either you enjoy being miserable (more people do then they admit) or your afraid of leaving.

Are you living with this girl? If so, is she paying for her share? Why havn't you already left her when you know all this stuff already?

 

[GuanYu]

Break up with her and get it over with. Or if you're even more curious the next time she goes on one of these weed pickups ask you go with her to see her reaction. If it's indifferent, she's probably doing sh*t behind your back.

 

[Trajhenkhet01]

As a rule sex should never get below once or twice a week. In my last LTR (which lasted 4 years) we got as low as once a week. 4 months before things really ended I got it back up to twice a week.

It sounds like what my ex was doing to a tee. She is throwing up her peacock feathers for a reason (the perfume). Don't feel bad, we all go through ****. Watch out for weird smells near her mouth and after she gets out of the bathroom. I recommend condom use from now on with her too.

 

[KontrollerX]

Jitterbug said almost all that needed to be said.

We all know how this story ends.

So be the one to end it first and make it a happy ending where you leave with all the power over the relationship and should she want to get back together with you in the future it will be on your terms after you've made her prove she is worthy of you. :yes:

 

[TheRealSupreme]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwybUfKK1tY

In answer to juan.

Yesterdays video show:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZtMl_l-Ojk



1. I doubt that your going to listen. Your the type that settles for the first hot chick that comes along as can be seen by settling for this loser. You will defend her to the death because you can't accept the fact that your a loser also.

2. I said loser because you settled for one. You didn't have enough confidence in yourself to get a good chick who doesn't smoke.

3. Your also a loser because you allow sex one time a month? I know your gonna defend it and say it's only lately. Well it never happens in my life.

4. Guys like you are kind of funny to watch when you show back up on the site. You already know the truth but you want to hear it from others. Look at your post. You even stated what she likes in men tall..ect ect...all of your fears that you know are either happening or as you want to believe going to happen.

5. Your still a loser for wanting to even save what is already dead. She can't stand frucking you. She has to wait long periods before she can even stomach you inside of her. Sex for women is a large part emotional. What does that tell you? She will deny it until she finds another sucker to live off of or excuse me with and help share the bills. Then your assed out.

6. In a short time YOU will be back to show us the truth after either you find out the truth or you end up in the truth.

7. You really should just not come back for more advice that you already know the answer too. Be a man.

 

[Warrior74]

Damn. Supreme nailed it.

Red Flag 1. Living with her. Never live with a woman, unless its your wife and you plan on raising a family. Repeat after me. Never live with a woman unless she's your wife and you plan on raising a family.

You know what the deal is. You just don't want to admit it. Read my sig.

 

[Bible_Belt]

yeah, it's over :yes:

 

[yuppaz]

Just went through this.....not exactly the same thing. She's cheating on you FOR SURE. She's riding some other guys donkey while you are getting your faithful 1 scr3w a month. She sounds like a loser anyway man, f&ck her best friend and bail her ass.

 

[Bluesteak]

Shes getting free/ discounted Buds because of this guy. My old oneitis is currently going out with a drug dealer, Im almost positive shes with him because he supplies her with all the bud she could ever want.

 

[Faded Image]

Yeah like the rest of the guys have basically said, she's fvcking that dude.

 

[KontrollerX]

"She wasn't gone for very long, for whatever that's worth."

Maybe he was a two pump chump?

Also you didn't define for us exactly what amount of time you consider to mean "not gone for very long".

Was it 20 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour, 2 hours???

 

[Da Realist]

Yeah, she's trying to get close to that supply. She's fighting with you to find a way to blame you for her leaving, so keep your cool no matter what. The reason I say that is because she'll have to admit in some way to herself that she's just getting into a relationship with another guy just to get a hit. In fact, if she ever asks if you have a problem with her smoking weed tell her "It's your choice about how you want to live," and then give her a look that lets her know you know what's going on. Now if she decides to just leave, it's alright because that was her plan anyway. If she stays, you have to decide if it's worth it, but I can tell you that her cheating after 9 months is not a good sign.

 

[Trajhenkhet01]

Another sign to watch out for is if she is sick a lot. Like throwing up and complaining about her stomach not feeling good all the time. Unless she has a known ulcer that usually means her guts are getting busted out. Its not one sign your looking for, its a set.

 

[Interceptor]

Juan, you do need to confront her about the things that are bothering you.
You have a right to know, and you have a right to peace of mind.
While I dont agree with some of the viewpoints offered here, I do know that these are not signs of a woman with high IL in you, willing to make you her priority.

I believe you should prepare for the worst.
And confront her about these things.
Dont beat around the bush, and dont let her shame you or avoid the question.
If she doesnt answer your questions and adress your concerns satisfacorily, you're gone. Plain and simple.
Please dont be a chump who stays with some chick like this,boring, with no sex or intimacy, bonding , or companionship, no fun times together.
Please dont do that to yourself.
Dont be codependent, and be stuck to what might have been or what could have been.

What you have to deal with is what IS NOW. Not what MIGHT be in the future.
Only in certain circumstances can you be more allowing for character that is in transition, but we have to deal with who she is as a person NOW...and if shes not making you happy, not putting forth the effort into your relationship you have nothing to share or work toward, or anything with her.

No reason to stay.

Good luck.

 

[Rounder]

You're a dumb @$$.

She's a loser.

You're an idiot for putting up with this crap. Read your post again. Listen to the language you use. Listen how you try to defend her but in your heart you know the relationship isn't right.

Are your balls in her purse right now? She probably had them there was she was flirting/banging/sucking this other dude.

Don't confront her, don't ask her. You don't owe her anything. Don't give her a chance to explain.

Just man up and end it. It isn't going to last anyway, so get it over with sooner than later. Take initiative in your life and start by getting rid of her dead weight.