something special comes along...

[Scaramouche]

Dear Thirdtimescharms,
If we could but see ourselves as others see us....I was once in a very similar situation,then I started writing to a little filly in China,to cut a long story short I went over there and stayed with her on a little Farm,for me who has a long term dream of some halcyon rural existence rooted in my Celtic head space,this was Idyllic...We went on walks,rode bikes and did all the things young lovers do....It was great while it lasted,but looking back,being completely cut off from my previous life I was able to see my life in real perspective and my rebirth with the assistance of this site dates from this....Why didn't I commit to this lovely Girl?....Well the main one Communication,a Cultural Chasm,her innability to Understand Aussy humour,And I had to get back to my Daughters....I could have brought her home,but that would have been totally unfair to her tempting though it was...As Kipling wistfully Says..."I've a Maid whose neat and sweeter,in a clean and greener Land"....

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

"I told her we could have dinner on Wednesday."

You probably scared her away with that one.

Early on....dinner...dates...suck. Unless you're a French Chef and you cook it yourself.

I've blown more chances at beav because I caved to the dinner date too early.

Do something innovative and exciting.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

After spending a pretty good 60-90 minutes in good conversation, I can't see offering to have dinner as something that would scare a 39 year old away. Plus, it was a Wednesday night offer..not Friday or Saturday. PLUS, I told her I would call her Monday, after meeting on a Friday. So I did exactly what I said I would do. I would like to think that builds up...trust.

I have no reason to second guess any of my choices here. Women flake. We don't always know why. And we move on.

On that note, I amazed even myself with a Craigslist post last night which has yielded two good photos. One of them is 28, blond, and looks pretty darn cute. Rare for Craigslist. The other is 45, but attractive and thin. Maybe even more rare ;-) Both are willing to meet. Then again, I know how these things go also.

Next is never very far away.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

After spending a pretty good 60-90 minutes in good conversation, I can't see offering to have dinner as something that would scare a 39 year old away.

90 mins? Way too long! Hope you ended it first at least.....

You remind me of one my best friends. He's got the pretty boy look so he doesn't have to try too hard. But he is boring as **** and I have out done him in the babe dept. since I've known him. His own sister tells him he's boring.

Let me throw out some alternates, especially now that its SUMMERTIME.

Motorcycle. Rollerblade. Skydive. Concert or public event. Billiards. Bowling. Golf. Minigolf. Shooting range. etc. etc.

I'm interested in Buddhism so one time I invited a date along to see a Buddhist monk that was in town. Original idea - my idea - she ate it up.

 

[Interceptor]

Honestly, from what I could gather from thirdtime's initial post, I picked up on this woman just being interested in a casual/FB situation, and felt that thirdtime scared her off being too 'romantic' if you know what I mean...
I pegged this woman as looking for no strings attached since the beginning.

Thats why I felt he was pedastlizing her. And it turned her off.
She just wants sex, not some romance.
Anyway, I dont think theres any hope in this situation.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

First of all, while there may be situations where 60 or 90 minutes is too long, I don't believe that works in every situation. Sometimes you just go with the flow. My belief was that we were both enjoying the conversation, so I went with it.

As far as being "boring," while I don't look to women to validate who I am, the facts are that there are a number of high quality women in my life who remain interested in me, even after I told them I'm not interested in a "committed" relationship with them. Those facts speak for themselves. In addition, I have a good job, good friends, and a number of hobbies which women are more then interested in participating with me, and some who simply want to -watch- me perform them. I'll survive this devastation just fine ;-)

Again, with the choice of meeting for dinner. Whatever. One dinner does not mean the end of the world.

Finally, as to whether there is hope...guess what? I've forgotten about her already. I have three more fires cooking already.

 

[jophil28]

I have no reason to second guess any of my choices here. Women flake. We don't always know why. And we move on.


.

THat is exactly how life is mostly. The vast majority of initial connections between men and women come to nothing -just the way it is .
Nitpickimg your every move is ridiculous..

 

[jophil28]

dupe post

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Funny little story. I got back on the horse...had two meetings planned for last weekend. First meetup was last Friday noght, a 5:00 PM plan, just a quick drink and run, or so I though, right? No such luck. We clicked...we kissed...she came home with me. We've seen each other a few more times since already. Hot and heavy.

But don't think I settled. Saturday night, I met someone else. A couple of drinks, some nice conversation. She said she wanted to do it again. So I said I'd call her...I'm busy. We'll see.

So I also had some other things cooking on a new dating site I found. They were on hold, from early last week and one of the women said she'd email me after the weekend. And when she asked if I still wanted to meet, I sat in front of the keyboard and I replied exactly what "the one" who I started this whole thread with told me. Just started dating, a few dates, I want to see where it goes.

So I had this crazy thought...send a text to "miss something special," and tell her that I used her words on another woman, just as she said to me. And I did it. So she texts me back, "karma, right, and good wishes," and to let her know if I want to "catch up." "Catch up?", I replied, not sure if we have history for that, but I'd love to see her again regardless, to share laughs and stories. And her response to this:

"Me too. When?"

More to come?

 

[thirdtimescharm]

So I replied to her that we could meet whenever she liked, at the place where we first met. Amazingly, she suggested to meet for dinner, tonight! Thinking that's a bit much, I suggested desert at a small cafe just down the street from the bar where it all started.

So we met up last night. And here's the scoop:

1) Sometimes when they say there is someone else, it is true. Except her someone else is 29 (she's 38), and although they had a second date the night after I met her, she isn't so sure about a "future" with him anymore. Yes guys, she really is focused on a long term relationship.

2) She also broke plans with me because one of her friends had a bad experience with my friend's boyfriend, who was present in the bar when we met. So my "social proof" in this case let me down. Frankly, the guy is an a-hole, and what she told me he did to her friend was likely as disgusting as she made it out to be. So I was killed by guilt by association.

3) She also let on that she felt I was just a "good guy looking for fun." In other words, she didn't think I had any interest in the long-term. So goes everyone's theory that I came on too strong or needy.

4) On the flipside of that, I asked her if I seemed to be trying to hard in telling her I liked kids, and she agreed that perhaps yes, I was also just trying to tell her what she wanted to hear.

5) Finally, she let on that she's somewhat "old fashioned" in the sense of the roles men and women play. Men pursue. Women get chased. She said it was very sexy and a turn on to her that I contacted her again, even though I had already told her I was dating someone.

So of course I had to ask if at this point, if I was not seeing someone else, would she be interested in a date. The answer was yes.

You know what guys...I think my answer would be no. She's too much damn trouble! First she complained the wine was too dry, and then also complained that the carrot cake was too dry later. Impossible to please is what she is, and I can see the "trust" issues she mentioned the night we met being a big barrier to her ever being satisfied with anybody. Next!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Heh,..do you think she had "trust issues" with the 29 y.o.?

I'm thinking not.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Heh,..do you think she had "trust issues" with the 29 y.o.?

I'm thinking not.

Actually, I think she has them with -anyone-.