Something i've noticed

[MikeYikes122]

It was homecoming this past weekend at my old college and all my friends came back to our old school, along with pretty much every acquaintance I ever made between the ages of 18 and 23. It was a good weekend, and it was nice to see everyone.

One thing, however, that stood out to me was that a lot of the girls I was AFC with (in the early part of my college career mostly) really came on to me pretty heavily. Even ones who I know for a fact were just kind of creeped out by my behavior (again, very early in the college career) were hugging me and going out of their ways to talk to me.

The best example was a girl named Beth, who I actually even started a thread about on here like four years ago. Anyway, Beth is pretty attractive, probably a 9.5. I met her in my telecom class first semester of my freshman year and did a good job with some C+F stuff (even though I didn't know it at the time). I wasn't even looking to try to date her, just make a new friend like so many other freshmen were, but she gave me her phone number and we made plans in class to go to some play together for extra credit.

I probably don't even need to finish the story for you guys. Oneitis set in literally the second after I punched her number into my cell phone. She flaked on me for the play, and instead of just ignoring her and blowing her off like I would now, I kept calling her and trying to reach out to her until maybe the beginning of my sophomore year. At that point, I had kind of realized the error of my behavior, had that epiphany that every AFC has, and just dropped her and other girls I treated like her out of my life.

Anyway, I literally never saw her anywhere around campus throughout all of college, whether it be out at the bars or just studying in the library or something. I went to a big school (40,000 people) and from what I heard she had a serious boyfriend who kept her in all the time.

However, for some reason, when I saw her across the room at the bar I was at late on Saturday night, she waved at me, ran over, hugged me, asked me what I was doing with my life and basically talked as if we dated freshmen year. When in reality, I just AFCed her and made her the subject of Oneitis and we never even went out once.

She was all over me, kino-ing me, laughing at me, making big eyes. My friends were freaking out for me because she was pretty hot, and they could see what was developing. I could have probably gone home with her, but I just didn't feel like dealing with it (I think you guys know what i mean). Plus, I'd been drinking all day during the football game and just didn't really care about getting ass at that point.

Anyway, my question is, has anyone else had this kind of experience, where a girl they were completely AFC over back in the day has come back a couple years later and been all over them? This happened to me once last year as well. One girl I literally made every mistake in the book with came back two years later acting more interested than she ever had.

This also seems to work on a smaller scale. I've noticed if I make the mistake of coming on too strongly to a girl I work with or see out frequently somewhere, the best solution to the mistake is to just back off completely and barely acknowledge her. I've done this numerous times as well and had it work out for me.

An attractive girl who used to serve pizza at my work, I shook her hand, came on way too strong and was way too forward with my introduction to her. I tried way too hard to impress her on the first impression and realized the mistake immediately, so I barely acknowledged her for about three weeks. Eventually, I saw her out at a club and she was all over me. This happened a couple other times, but I never cashed my chips in with her because I didn't want any STDs (that story is reserved for a completely different type of post, though).

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

There could be one of two things going on here.

(1) The chick may desire your company again because she misses how she used to make you her tool. She remembers how sappy and how AFC you acted around her back in the day. She may not be getting that type of attention from the guys in her life now, so, she sees an old familiar AFC face that can validate how hot, beautiful, and desirable she still is.

Or

(2) She may have grown up. Maybe has an honest desire to re-kindle a friendship/relationship/fling that she regrets not having with you.

Through my own experiences, its usually a bit from both column 1 and 2. My advice to you is, through under NO CIRCUMSTANCES, re-vert to your old AFC ways. Destroy all her preconceived notions of you. If she thought you were shy, be overt. If she thought you were needy, be aloof. If she thought you were boyish, be a man.

There are reasons why you didn't get this chick back in the day. Now that you know not to be AFC, don't relapse bro.

 

[MikeYikes122]

I'm not sure that I agree with you, on your first answer at least.

(1) The chick may desire your company again because she misses how she used to make you her tool. She remembers how sappy and how AFC you acted around her back in the day. She may not be getting that type of attention from the guys in her life now, so, she sees an old familiar AFC face that can validate how hot, beautiful, and desirable she still is.

I don't think this is what went on, in my specific incident from Saturday night at least. I just don't think she had enough time to process something like this through her thoughts. I literally made eye contact with her and she visibly waved, recognized me and embraced me.

Maybe in some other instances you could be right, but I don't think this has ever been the case for me. Many of these girls have plenty of other guys being AFC over them, and I also don't think girls enjoy AFC behavior from guys. It's been my experience that it mostly creeps chicks out when guys act like AFCs and pine over them.

(2) She may have grown up. Maybe has an honest desire to re-kindle a friendship/relationship/fling that she regrets not having with you.

I think I might agree with you a little more here. I get the feeling she might have broken up with the boyfriend I mentioned in the post, and she could have reevaluated all the guys she'd had an opportunity to be with in the last four or five years. That is certainly feasible.

I should have mentioned this in my original post, but I have some theories of my own as to why this kind of thing happens. Basically, I think pulling away from a girl you blew it with at a lesser point in your life like can establish a new frame with her if you keep out of contact with her for a long period of time. That new frame might include her starting to think she was wrong about you initially and that you weren't as needy as you seemed.

However, I think the biggest thing is that a chick is going to want a guy who isn't going to put her on a pedestal. If the average guy gets blown off by a really hot girl, he'll probably make the mistake of calling her/trying to set up more dates with her/coming off as sounding needy. Whereas, the guy who says "screw it" and quits contacting an HB or tells her he isn't going to stand for games/flaky behavior is going to standout among the group as a guy who has better things to do than hangout with a girl. And we all know, that's the guy who is going to end up with the chick.

Any thoughts on that?

 

[spread_love]

There is something I don't understand about this forum, a lot of people are saying that don't ever put a Women on a pedestal, which I agree with.

But isn't rating a girl a 8.5 or whatever doing just that?

 

[MikeYikes122]

There is something I don't understand about this forum, a lot of people are saying that don't ever put a Women on a pedestal, which I agree with.

But isn't rating a girl a 8.5 or whatever doing just that?

No.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Basically, I think pulling away from a girl you blew it with at a lesser point in your life like can establish a new frame with her if you keep out of contact with her for a long period of time. That new frame might include her starting to think she was wrong about you initially and that you weren't as needy as you seemed.

You hit the nail on the head with this one. That's usually what is done when you 'soft' next a girl. Put her on the back burner, let her simmer, let her wonder - make her question herself. In your situation, it works brilliantly because you almost start out with a clean slate - but, the beauty part is that you're already friends with her. You don't have to come up with a number close, excuse to have dinner, etc. You're already in with a clean slate. Like I stated in my ealier post, this is a great time to change any ill preconceived notions that she had of you. Like you said, you have an opportunity to establish a new frame.

Good Luck with this.

There is something I don't understand about this forum, a lot of people are saying that don't ever put a Women on a pedestal, which I agree with.

But isn't rating a girl a 8.5 or whatever doing just that?

There is a difference between acknowleding something great and obsessing over it.

 

[spread_love]

You hit the nail on the head with this one. That's usually what is done when you 'soft' next a girl. Put her on the back burner, let her simmer, let her wonder - make her question herself. In your situation, it works brilliantly because you almost start out with a clean slate - but, the beauty part is that you're already friends with her. You don't have to come up with a number close, excuse to have dinner, etc. You're already in with a clean slate. Like I stated in my ealier post, this is a great time to change any ill preconceived notions that she had of you. Like you said, you have an opportunity to establish a new frame.

Good Luck with this.



There is a difference between acknowleding something great and obsessing over it.

I understand that but if you are rating girls like this, you are doing it in your subconscious and maybe missing out on some great Woman because she isn't a 8.5 or whatever in your mind, that's all I was saying.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

I understand that but if you are rating girls like this, you are doing it in your subconscious and maybe missing out on some great Woman because she isn't a 8.5 or whatever in your mind, that's all I was saying.

This topic of rating women on a point scale has been done to death on this forum. I think most of the people on this board are in the agreement on what makes a girl a "10" is personal. What makes a girl a "10" for me might be wayyy off the mark for yourself.

I remember how a guy would post pics of some girl he thought was a "10" and someone would flame away because they didn't agree.

In your first comment, you asked if rating a girl on a scale is similar to putting her on a pedestal. And the answer is still a profound NO. Pedestalling a girl is similar to having one-itis for her. She's the ONE! She's the best! I'll do anything for her, at any time, whenever she wants! Anything she says goes because she's SOO grande! - Pedestalling to an extreme yes.

Now say I meet a Jessica Alba look alike who has a love for travel, food, holds a MBA, makes a 6 figure salary, works only 4 days a week, loves family, pets, and is low maintenance - then yes, I'd probably consider her a "10". Would I let her walk all over me? Nope. Would I smother her with phone calls and next messages? Negative. Would I become a AFC that would drop everything to be with her? Not in your life.

I hope that made it crystal for you.

 

[MikeYikes122]

This topic of rating women on a point scale has been done to death on this forum. I think most of the people on this board are in the agreement on what makes a girl a "10" is personal. What makes a girl a "10" for me might be wayyy off the mark for yourself.

I remember how a guy would post pics of some girl he thought was a "10" and someone would flame away because they didn't agree.

In your first comment, you asked if rating a girl on a scale is similar to putting her on a pedestal. And the answer is still a profound NO. Pedestalling a girl is similar to having one-itis for her. She's the ONE! She's the best! I'll do anything for her, at any time, whenever she wants! Anything she says goes because she's SOO grande! - Pedestalling to an extreme yes.

Now say I meet a Jessica Alba look alike who has a love for travel, food, holds a MBA, makes a 6 figure salary, works only 4 days a week, loves family, pets, and is low maintenance - then yes, I'd probably consider her a "10". Would I let her walk all over me? Nope. Would I smother her with phone calls and next messages? Negative. Would I become a AFC that would drop everything to be with her? Not in your life.

I hope that made it crystal for you.

I agree this.

This is the Internet and a lot of us post on here a lot. We can't just sit here and describe every chick's characteristics. It's easier just to type HB10.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Hahaha.

Its funny how as soon as I post a response that this rating women/flaming thing has been done to death, there is a thread in the main forum that is titled 'post a picture of what you think an HB10 is'.

One guy even commented "Fairly attractive, but clearly wh*res, an HB10 must have class". So we can clearly determine a woman is a wh*re by an internet picture? WOW! Flame on flamer!

BTW

Mike - What's the update on your situation?

 

[MikeYikes122]

Hahaha.

Its funny how as soon as I post a response that this rating women/flaming thing has been done to death, there is a thread in the main forum that is titled 'post a picture of what you think an HB10 is'.

One guy even commented "Fairly attractive, but clearly wh*res, an HB10 must have class". So we can clearly determine a woman is a wh*re by an internet picture? WOW! Flame on flamer!

BTW

Mike - What's the update on your situation?

Ehh I wasn't really interested in her. She lives like two states away from me (she was just back in town for homecoming). She is a cool girl and is pretty attractive, but the distance between us is too much. Though, if I see her again I wouldn't mind going home with her. I was more just tossing this out there for conversation's sake.

Thanks for asking though.

I did get some English chick's phone number today at Panera Bread. Though, I don't think I'm going to follow through. She wasn't nearly as cute as I thought she was when I got up close - she looked attractive from a distance (a Monet I think those kinds of chicks are called). She was just standing next to me in line and was wearing running flats. I was a runner back in the day, so the convo starter was easy. The wide-open lay-up was there, I had to take it even if she wasn't really good looking.