Something is wrong with me

[MikeYikes122]

So there is this girl ive been talking to for a real long time. We still haven't gone out yet, but that's not the purpose of this post. This girl wants me and I know it. I've got her sitting next to me everyday in a class of 80 (college class, not high school), saying hey to me everytime she sees me or walks into the auditorium, and I even have this girl calling me back when i dont even leave a message and she just sees that she has a missed call from me. On top of this she is extremely shy. I realize things are still pretty innocent, but it sounds like a safe call to me to say she really likes me.

This isn't the problem.

My problem is that I have a girl who obviously really likes me, but no matter what I can always find something to worry about. This happens with every girl that I ever get in a boyfriend-girlfriend situation with. Like today for example i said to her "we need to go out next week during break" and her response was "i dont know what i have going on over break." As you can guess i am now obsessing over and worrying about her response to this and ignoring all of the above. I can reason to and know in my head that her response is extremely insignificant and means probably nothing, but i just can't let myself not worry about it until i get a good sign from her or something or we go out next week. As you can see this becomes a real problem when girls PMS. Last month this happened it was because she couldn't study with me for a mid-term because she had more important midterms to study for. Or when we were supposed to go out to eat one saturday night her roommate's mom came in town unexpectedly and took them out to dinner. She apologized and stuff to me and felt real bad i think, but i just couldn't let it go. Luckily I am extremely good at hiding things so none of this ever shows at all, but it's still something i need to get over.

My question is, is this normal? Am i going to get over this? Because I think this is my last obstacle to reaching like ultimate status with being able to handle girls.

It's not a question of confidence. I have plenty of that, and sometimes my friends even tell me im over confident. This problem doesnt just happen with girls it's just most frequent with girls. I obssess over getting to work and class on time. If im not on time i freak out. I obssess over my writing, and I think this is one of the reasons why im such a good writer. My dad is the exact same way, and I used to be much worse about things, but I've gradually gotten better. I've even seen my dad hyperventilate over something like being late a few times. I'm starting to think that I may have OCD (Obssessive Compulsive Disorder).

Please ease my mind here with this girl and give me some feedback. I really am my own worst enemy, and I am scared of becoming my father.

 

[Julian]

My question is, is this normal? Am i going to get over this? Because I think this is my last obstacle to reaching like ultimate status with being able to handle girls

You got a ways to go, brother.

You've developed one-itis. A moderate case if i may say so. However this could blow up to epidemic proportions.

My suggestion :

This chick has flaked on you, i think shes making up excuses. If she really wanted you she would jump at the chance to chill with you during spring break, she wouldnt respond with "uhhh i dunno what im doin then =\"

Next her for awhile. Focus on other chicks. You've gotten too friendly with this b1tch you need to bring out some more pimpish mannerisms.

 

[Survivor]

Nah, I would'nt suggest nexting just yet.

Worrying seems to be a behavioral trait you learned from your father. If necessary, you may want to get professional help concerning that.

Other than that, I can't fathom anything else that may be wrong with you. If you sense that your girl is interested but shy, then you need to reassure her that your interest in her is just as genuine as her interest in you. Shyness is simply a fear of rejection and public embarassment. Let her know that her fears are unwarranted. Let her know that it is safe to open up to you.

Here's an idea. Next time you see her, make it plain that you're interested in her. Hold her hand, kino her, kiss her. Do something physical and see how she initially reacts.

But Julian has a point though. Focusing on some other girls may also help curb your anxiety.

Hope that helps,

 

[MikeYikes122]

No offense Julian, but I already told you I wasn't interested in that type of advice. I don't have a ways to go. I've been here for a while. I wasn't looking for advice with her. I know how to handle her. I didn't give you enough details at all for you to assume any of this. I like how I wrote my entire post about worrying too much, and you just tried to give me something else to worry about. That's not helping man, but that's how most of this board is, so you won't bother me. Responses like yours that are discouraging are one the reasons why I learned it was a bad idea to ask for adivce on here, but that is a different post and totally different subject.

Thanks survivor for actually responding. I was thinking about it, and I am concerned about my diet. Like I don't really sleep a whole lot. School is kicking the sh*t out of me, so often sleeping is substituted with two cups of coffee. I think the caffeine could be making me worry about things. It also doesn't help that she is shy. I've only ever really dated one shy girl, and she wasn't nearly as shy as this. And as for talking to other girls, I do, but I suppose talking to more wouldn't hurt. It's a good suggestion. I was real scared about Julian's "one-itis" happening because she was the first girl i met at this new school (i transfered). I realized it would be real easy just to fall for her and forget about all the other girls at this school, so I kept my distance and got to know some other girls first. Maybe you're right about the girls thing, but this psychological aspect of worrying has always been part of me. I used to be real real self conscious of my appearance. Like if I thought one girl didn't think i was attractive I would automatically assume that something had suddenly become wrong with me and just worry about it. Those were in less confident days, and it took me a real real long time to get over that. Not all the things that I obssessed over were on the subject of attractiveness. I'm still real bad about obssessing over getting all my work done at work, like i won't leave until all my work is done.

I dont know if you have anymore thoughts just let me know, and thanks a lot. I'm thinking this is probably something I'm going to just have to try my hardest to get over.

 

[Julian]

How was my post negative?

I told you what i would do.

Your just making bullsh1t up to cover up the fact that this chick has been flakey, regardless of you being such a paranoid worry wart.

I have a girl who obviously really likes me

i said to her "we need to go out next week during break" and her response was "i dont know what i have going on over break."

she couldn't study with me for a mid-term because she had more important midterms to study for

we were supposed to go out to eat one saturday night her roommate's mom came in town unexpectedly and took them out to dinner.

Yeah man, shes TOTALLY DROOLING ALL OVER YOU!

Please ease my mind here with this girl and give me some feedback

You asked for feedback and i gave you mine. You can choose to take it or not, doesnt matter to me. Just dont b1tch about it. You should be grateful i even replied.

Pfffffff.

 

[sql]

Originally posted by MikeYikes122
No offense Julian, but I already told you I wasn't interested in that type of advice. I don't have a ways to go. I've been here for a while. I wasn't looking for advice with her. I know how to handle her. I didn't give you enough details at all for you to assume any of this. I like how I wrote my entire post about worrying too much, and you just tried to give me something else to worry about. That's not helping man, but that's how most of this board is, so you won't bother me. Responses like yours that are discouraging are one the reasons why I learned it was a bad idea to ask for adivce on here, but that is a different post and totally different subject.

it seems to me sometimes people dont take the time to really read what people post before they reply. just an observation.

mike, i think it sounds like your issue has more to do with your own anxieties and stress than anything else. anyone can break a date for any variety of legit reasons, and that should be ok. but the fact that you're stressing out about this to the point that it bothers you and you have to hide this from others, and that its an all across the board behavior concerns me. this is the type of behavior that really does lead to ocd, and the fact that your father suffers from this is not a good sign.

you freak out because you're not on time. just how important is it to you to be in control of everything? this kind of stress can lead to all sorts of other kinds of health problems, and its in your best interest to try and tone down these stress reactions as much as possible. it sok if you cant always be in control of everything, and slacking a little is ok too. you will probably have to learn how to better cope with rough edges like that in order to be able to live without anything bearing down on your back.

professional help is the way to go i think, they'll be better able to give you strategies on how to work through this issue. rest assured tho, that others suffer similar ailments. it is a common condition, but that doesnt mean you're supposed to live with it.

2 cents

 

[MikeYikes122]

I originally had an extremely sarastic response written out, but I clicked back on accident and lost it. But Julian, I'm sorry i got p*ssed off at you, but I said to myself right before i hit post "Some 18 year old kid is going to come on here and start to give me bullsh*t advice about how wrong i am." The thing is man if I wanted you to judge how this girl felt about me i would have given you a lot more details. The details I did give we so minute that they shouldn't even be thought about - that was the point of my post. But i just realized that i did throw that feedback thing in there, so i guess it's partly my fault that the post mislead you. Just try to use discretion a little better, and like sql said, read the post before you reply.

sql - yeah I'm starting to think more and more everyday that i have a problem. I think my plan is to just see if it persists over x-mas break. I don't have anything to stress out about then, no work, no school, no nothing. If it persists there then im going to get professional help. Thanks for the input I appreciate it.

 

[Julian]

Alright man, no harm no foul.

 

[usdaprime]

it seems to me sometimes people dont take the time to really read what people post before they reply. just an observation.

Thats a Fact!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My problem is that I have a girl who obviously really likes me, but no matter what I can always find something to worry about.

Dude your post is like I wrote it. I am the same dam way as you. I worry and worry and worry. Like you said you just need a sign that she is happy , that is me. My friend is the same way too he would worry all the time also. He went to see a doctor and he put him on Lexapro it has helped him alot her no longer worries. I am about to try it. Maybe you should see a doctor. good luck