Someone help me make sense of her behavior

[jester1x]

Sounds more like reverse psychology to me. She may be seeing other men but it sounds like you rank high on her list. She probably doesn't want to scare you off. Haven't you heard that saying that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach?

She sleeps with you, cooks for you and also picks up the tab!? Sounds like you got a winner to me.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Sounds more like reverse psychology to me. She may be seeing other men but it sounds like you rank high on her list. She probably doesn't want to scare you off. Haven't you heard that saying that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach?

She sleeps with you, cooks for you and also picks up the tab!? Sounds like you got a winner to me.

Yeah, she can't do this with EVERYONE or she would be out of time and dead broke... He's the prize it sounds like. I would also have her come your way for the sex thing maybe near 1/2 of the time. She's already showing commitment in her actions, but it would completely verify that she's spending her TIME and ENERGY on you.

 

[Red Legg]

He could have an honest to God "BRENDA" on his hands....If he does he is lucky and better treat her right !

 

[kenpiffyjr]

surprised it hasn't been asked:

How do you know she only wants a FWB relationship?

If you answer this question as honest as possible, you will probably see your first mistake and maybe one of the reasons why.

As it stands now imo, You're an option for her- but not an option right now for ltr. You don't have what she wants (it's something) to make you a LTR right now for her. Examine your gut and ask yourself what that could be and I guarantee you probably already know the answer. Not being relationship material is a two sided swored. It can be good or bad...it just depends on occurances that has happened that you haven't went into detail on.

Thing thing is now that you atleast know the cards that are on the table, you need to keep your options open as well but also allow her to keep doing the things she's doing. Turn the tables and make her realize the only reason you're hanging around is because she's like this.

 

[icantgetlaid]

Wanted to provide a bit of an update:

I flaked on an outing that we had previously set up ... told her i was busy and we can reschedule for the following week. After that, the crazy started.

When we got together recently - she spent the whole time trying to understand where my head is at and where she stands with me compared to the other girls ... she wants an exclusive relationship now etc.

Morale of the story: ALWAYS PUT MORE WEIGHT ON A GIRLS ACTIONS OVER *ANYTHING* SHE SAYS.

 

[kronreiff]

OP, you're are dealing with a Narcissist. She began love bombing you with all the treats, dinners, mind blowing sex and cared for your every need along with telling you everything you wanted to hear. Narcs like FWB situations because they cannot have an emotional relationship. They are incapable of it. She's going to up and down you like a yo-yo and will eventually control everything you do. If you start kicking, she'll lay the guilt trip b$ on you. If you can handle her mental game WITHOUT EMOTION and be a TRUE FWB, then go for it and enjoy. If not, then run the other way and never look back. If you think this is B$, then live the life and find out. Good Luck!

 

[Billtx49]

OP, you're are dealing with a Narcissist. She began love bombing you with all the treats, dinners, mind blowing sex and cared for your every need along with telling you everything you wanted to hear. Narcs like FWB situations because they cannot have an emotional relationship. They are incapable of it. She's going to up and down you like a yo-yo and will eventually control everything you do. If you start kicking, she'll lay the guilt trip b$ on you. If you can handle her mental game WITHOUT EMOTION and be a TRUE FWB, then go for it and enjoy. If not, then run the other way and never look back. If you think this is B$, then live the life and find out. Good Luck!

I thought she may be BPD. Love bombed with the food, cooking, drinks, and sex in the beginning followed by his confusion about her. He flaked on the outing triggering abandonment fears. Now she's all over him. Said himself the crazy started.
Guess he will find out sooner or later.

 

[kronreiff]

She may be BPD. Love bombed with the food, cooking, drinks, and sex. He flaked on the outing triggering abandonment fears. Now she's all over him. Said himself the crazy started.

She's not entirely BPD, she's NPD, or a combo of both. However, if you know NPD, then the signs are all there. Love bombed, super abandonment fears, insecure as hell, needy and selfish to name a few. Like you said, the OP himself said "the crazy started". If you can't control an NPD chick, then run away. They are no more than a 6 year old stuck in an adult body. So, if you're going to continue hitting it, you must void yourself off ALL emotion and attachment of ANY kind!

 

[Slash Dolo]

Sounds like this chick has been reading SoSuave. You're a plate bro! Whether she's banging other dudes or not she's talking to them.

You can try to get her exclusive because it sounds like she'll be gone eventually anyway; nothing to lose in trying if you got the feels.

 

[Billtx49]

She's not entirely BPD, she's NPD, or a combo of both. However, if you know NPD, then the signs are all there. Love bombed, super abandonment fears, insecure as hell, needy and selfish to name a few. Like you said, the OP himself said "the crazy started". If you can't control an NPD chick, then run away. They are no more than a 6 year old stuck in an adult body. So, if you're going to continue hitting it, you must void yourself off ALL emotion and attachment of ANY kind!

Guess he'll find out if they ever get to their comfort stage and she does her first complete and abrupt 180 on him, or if she just gradually starts tearing him apart from himself earlier.

 

[IAmNoob]

Enjoy the ride for as long as it lasts. Do not catch feelings unless she brings up being exclusive with you and wants a commitment for it from you.

How do you not catch feelings? It seems natural for me that after some time you just start to feel something towards her. This feelings becomes especially obvious when she dumps you or do something which is hard to accept for you.

 

[Billtx49]

How do you not catch feelings? It seems natural for me that after some time you just start to feel something towards her. This feelings becomes especially obvious when she dumps you or do something which is hard to accept for you.

Reread the OP's original post. She only wants a FWB arrangement. Why get feelings for a girl that does not currently feel the same about you and only wants you for the sex?
Sort of like banging your head against a brick wall…

 

[IAmNoob]

Reread the OP's original post. She only wants a FWB arrangement. Why get feelings for a girl that does not currently feel the same about you and only wants you for the sex?
Sort of like banging your head against a brick wall…

Sometime ago I wanted a girl and I did not want to attach to her. However stupid it is I did attached to her in spite of red flags she had on her. She has never attached to me (although she is attracted) and dumped me in favour of her ex. That is why I asked the question.

 

[Billtx49]

Sometime ago I wanted a girl and I did not want to attach to her. However stupid it is I did attached to her in spite of red flags she had on her. She has never attached to me (although she is attracted) and dumped me in favour of her ex. That is why I asked the question.

That's why extreme and thorough qualification of a girl is of utmost importantance.
You obviously noticed the red flags, but disregarded them. It happens.

 

[IAmNoob]

That's why extreme and thorough qualification of a girl is of utmost importantance.
You obviously noticed the red flags, but disregarded them. It happens.

Even if she did not have red flags it would not invalidate my question about attachement. If she did not have red flags then she would be better and I would attach even easier. So my question is still valid: how you do not fall in love with women you are meeting regularly and like.

 

[Billtx49]

Start your own thread with your own details and get advice from all the forum members.

 

[grayclif]

Sounds more like reverse psychology to me. She may be seeing other men but it sounds like you rank high on her list. She probably doesn't want to scare you off. Haven't you heard that saying that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach?

She sleeps with you, cooks for you and also picks up the tab!? Sounds like you got a winner to me.

I was thinking this too. Her comment about looking for someone to marry was a shyt test. You checking her online dating status is weak minded in my opinion. Once I have their cell number I block and hide them on the online date site.

This girl likes you, a lot. What I'm interested in knowing is how often/long you guys talk on the phone when she's not visiting. Is it a few text exchanges or hour long convos on the phone each evening.

If your having long conversations she is locking you down from pursuing other plates. If it's quick text exchanges it means she''s spinning plates herself.

Since its only been a month you should be no where near looking at exclusivity yet. I'd be concerned if she asked for exclusivity too early. I say keep up the good work. Keep your frame and fwck her vigorously. Spin plates.

 

[grayclif]

Wanted to provide a bit of an update:

I flaked on an outing that we had previously set up ... told her i was busy and we can reschedule for the following week. After that, the crazy started.

When we got together recently - she spent the whole time trying to understand where my head is at and where she stands with me compared to the other girls ... she wants an exclusive relationship now etc.

Morale of the story: ALWAYS PUT MORE WEIGHT ON A GIRLS ACTIONS OVER *ANYTHING* SHE SAYS.

Obviously I responded before reading this update. Yeah too good to be true. Sorry bro.

 

[backseatjuan]

So i hit it off with this girl i met online. We were having sex shortly after the first date.

Happens to me every time, sex on first date, or on second date. Avoid dating to avoid sex. Sex always leads to problems.

This girl is really great in a lot of ways .. in almost every way actually.

Actually that is my experience as well, my head gets cloudy, and I begin caring for the stranger that I met online. Great thing though, when I meet new men, this don't happen, that means I am not gay.

has me convinced she doesn't have a long history as a slut

She has you caring for her. You already believe you met this one girl who is not a slut. But they are all sluts.

texting me often .. initiating dates .. coming over for awesome sex marathons

Women love sex.

The thing is, that i like her, and it puzzles the crap out of me that she would show so many signs of high interest but she only wants FWB situation.

Your mind is cloudy. That girl is like every other girl, a slut. She just wants sex.

 

[RangerMIke]

She swears I'm the only guy she's fvcking .. and normally i would just roll my eyes and not believe it .. but at the moment i have no reason to believe otherwise.

Maybe... but she's not convinced yet you are the guy. Go date other women. Your problem is that you are putting out "I want a relationship vib", women run from this that fire. If you want her to want you exclusively then she needs to believe you have options and you don't give a fvck if she walks away.

I know it's counter intuitive... but that is women. She will not believe you are a good catch unless other women think you are.