Someone explain this to me please.

[Canadian Catnip]

Ok so I know this girl for a few months now. She always seems to be giving me IOI's and hanging around me whenever we are in the same places.

A few weeks ago I showed her a 3 minute video on my laptop. She sat right next to me, our legs touching while she watched it.

About 2 weeks ago I told her that I like her company and like hanging out and talking with her. Also called her a good friend.

Last week I saw her on the street and she came up to me and we walked and talked for about 3 blocks. Just as she was leaving I opened my arms and said "Give me a goodbye hug" and she did.

Saw her this week two times and she looks at me like I'm an ax murder, she won't come within 5 feet of me. What do you think happened? Was it the hug? Is she crazy or is she confused? Can someone help?

 

[backbreaker]

Ok so I know this girl for a few months now

you already lost. you broke the 3 second rule by like, 1 million seconds

 

[Obsidian]

yeah, wtf were you waiting for?

act disinterested in her and wait for the next time she gives IOIs (which probably won't take very long) then try actually ASKING HER OUT

 

[backbreaker]

It's like playing Resident EVil, and you are trying to figure out the "code" to get though the door, there has to be a master code or some type of puzzle. and after days of hopeless.. you accidentally push the door. and guess what.... it opens (sad but true story)

 

[Canadian Catnip]

yeah, wtf were you waiting for?

That's why I am here on sosuave. When it comes to women I wait and wait and wait.

If he who hesitates is lost then I am LOST

 

[Obsidian]

umm, when was the last time you did ask a girl out? Ever?

I'm not real good at #-closing myself, but I've definitely done it before. This type of situation (someone you see regularly) is the easiest and most opportune situation for closing, man...even I probably would've done it.

Try reading the DJ BIble if you haven't already.

 

[Canadian Catnip]

umm, when was the last time you did ask a girl out? Ever?

Yes I have asked lots of girls out. This one was a real HB and a quiet a bit younger than me. All this attraction STUFF I am learning, it's a new experience to have HB's interested in me. So I am a little unsure of myself and self conscious of my looks.

I am overweight and I don't consider myself a good looking guy (I posted several pictures on HOT or NOT and they all ranked around a 4). So when a young crisp HB shows me some signs, all of my doubts stop me and cause me to wait.

I hesitate to go this deeply into explaining how I feel about myself in these posts because some loser will probably reply and call me names. :crackup:

I know this is my biggest challenge. Changing my inner voice that says I'm not worthy, I'm not a a prize.

 

[backbreaker]

am overweight and I don't consider myself a good looking guy (I posted several pictures on HOT or NOT and they all ranked around a 4). So when a young crisp HB shows me some signs, all of my doubts stop me and cause me to wait.

okay.. you KNOW you are overweight... and you are still overweight? You aren't doing anything to fix this?

then no, you don't deserve her? this coming form someone who lost 40 pounds and went from 33% BF to 8% in less than a year.

 

[Canadian Catnip]

okay.. you KNOW you are overweight... and you are still overweight? You aren't doing anything to fix this?

then no, you don't deserve her? this coming form someone who lost 40 pounds and went from 33% BF to 8% in less than a year.

Yes I am doing something to fix it. I have been working out and eating healthier for several months now but it takes time.

Funny thing is, that's exactly what I tell myself. I don't deserve any hot, good looking women until I lose the weight. But when you have the DJ attitude the HB's seem to notice you more. It's as if they want to like me but the weight thing is the deal breaker for them.

 

[backbreaker]

really.. you don't. and I hate to be the barrer of bad news.

I've been there. The best thing you can do is to use this time to get comfortable talking to women, not asking them out so when you ARE where you need to be.. trust me, you will know. thoose same women you talk to in the mall every weekend when you are shopping suddenly are asking you are you single

 

[Canadian Catnip]

really.. you don't. and I hate to be the barrer of bad news.

Yes I know, you are right. It's hard to hear and a lot of my friends wouldn't of even said it to my face.

Thanks for that.

 

[backbreaker]

well.. the rationale is that if you did "deserve" her, what in the hell is everyone here working so hard to better themselves for.

man I've been there. I used to hate looking at pictures of myself.

however, you are probably dropping weight very quickly... what's your WO like? PM me I can help you out

 

[Obsidian]

ok, so you ask plenty of other girls out...but you just sat on your hands and f*cked up with this one. Big deal.

I still say she might be salvageable if you take my initial advice.

And I think getting healthy and making yourself stronger is important, but imo, beauty isn't what girls look for. "Looks" in the traditional sense aren't that important. Women lust after strength, not beauty.

 

[backbreaker]

beauty isn't what girls look for. "Looks" in the traditional sense aren't that important. Women lust after strength, not beauty.

a woman that has her pick of the litter, wiill not over look a guy that's in shape for a guy that's not. I'm assuming this girl has her pick of the litter

 

[On Point]

I think that is BS. You shouldn't need to do anything to "deserve" her, you should believe in your own value. She was obviously interested in you, let her be the judge of who is good enough for her. Do you think you have nothing to offer her besides muscles? Even if you were ripped, that might get you a date, but it won't keep her interested if you're boring and have no inner game.

You should change your body for yourself, not because you think it will get you women. Our bodies our a reflection of ourselves, we should change them because we have pride and value our health.

Yes I know, you are right. It's hard to hear and a lot of my friends wouldn't of even said it to my face.

Thanks for that.

 

[backbreaker]

Do you think you have nothing to offer her besides muscles?

you guys are funny. you really are

Being in shape doesn't mean being muscular. at all. it means BEING IN SHAPE


okay.. you go out and date a woman that wears a size 20 when you can ahve a woman that can fit a size 3... but the size 20 "has so much to offer"

you are right in the sense that he should want to change for himself however

 

[Canadian Catnip]

I think that is BS. You shouldn't need to do anything to "deserve" her, you should believe in your own value. She was obviously interested in you, let her be the judge of who is good enough for her. Do you think you have nothing to offer her besides muscles? Even if you were ripped, that might get you a date, but it won't keep her interested if you're boring and have no inner game.

You should change your body for yourself, not because you think it will get you women. Our bodies our a reflection of ourselves, we should change them because we have pride and value our health.

Well as for the HB I have been letting her have her space. I am friendly and hang back and am not needy or clingy. I give here a small amount of time. Chat about whatever then excuse myself.

I saw her today. She had her hair cut short. I said it looks different. She asked me if I liked it that way. I said It's OK I guess. Short hair makes you look older I told her ( a small neg) she was a bit surprised. Then I walked away.

I figured that, if she is asking me what I thought of her haircut then she must still consider my opinion of her to be important to some extent.

I will continue to give her space and not show any neediness. If she wants to get closer then she will, if not then that's OK too. I am working on myself and am keeping myself busy with that.

I have had this happen before with another girl. I got a little too needy and she would not come near me for a few weeks, but I played it cool and after a while she missed me and was trying to get closer to me.

I just hope it's the same case this time with this one.

 

[Obsidian]

okay.. you go out and date a woman that wears a size 20 when you can ahve a woman that can fit a size 3... but the size 20 "has so much to offer"

as I said, men lust after beauty. With women, I'm a firm believer that looks aren't that important. Getting in shape is still something you should do, but certainly don't disqualify yourself because you haven't reached your goal yet.

 

[Obsidian]

sigh, your problem (as far as you've told us) wasn't that you were needy. It was that you were INACTIVE. If a girl was showing you IOIs and you did nothing, what did you expect to happen?

NEVER wait for a girl to ask you out. Even if she does (it will happen on occasion, albeit somewhat rarely), then she's probably a masculine hor. And regardless of what kind of woman she is, it sets the completely wrong frame for her to be leading things.

 

[Canadian Catnip]

sigh, your problem (as far as you've told us) wasn't that you were needy. It was that you were INACTIVE. If a girl was showing you IOIs and you did nothing, what did you expect to happen?

NEVER wait for a girl to ask you out. Even if she does (it will happen on occasion, albeit somewhat rarely), then she's probably a masculine hor. And regardless of what kind of woman she is, it sets the completely wrong frame for her to be leading things.

Well as far as I can tell with her is she seemed to be into me and getting closer and stuff and if she saw me on the street she would come over and walk with me. Then I gave her a hug and the next time I saw her she is all distant. So how is that waiting for her to ask me out? Are you saying I waited to long then came on too strong?

I never did NOTHING with her IOI's. I DJ'ed her. I was C&F and a challenge, I did push/pull. I basically practiced a lot of the techniques I had learned here, on her.

Maybe I'm just reading her wrong and she wants me to go up to her and hug her again?