JazzPimpNYC
Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2004
- Messages
- 60
- Reaction score
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Learn the rules then FORGET the rules
I'm sure you guys can already tell from my nickname that I'm a professional jazz musician in training, and the parallels to the dating game and the creative arts is truly incredible. Jazz, as in dating, is a two-part deal. There is "art" and "craft" involved in learning an instrument and then being able to improvise in the moment. The "craft" of dating is knowing the rules as well as getting your outer-game together (self-improvement, hygiene, mental health). The "art" of dating is being able to play and think in the moment, connecting to that other place and letting the music come to you instead of forcing it by anxiously worrying and analyzing the moment as it happens. The idiot-savant legend of bebop jazz, Charlie Parker once said:
Learn the rules, then forget them all. You gotta know the rules first to forget them.
In my experience, as I'm sure most of you will agree with me, the only rules and things that you should learn and follow are:
1) Good manners, solid values, strong family ties, and healthy respect for yourself and others gives you the solid foundation for a well-rounded personality that will get you far in the social and professional world, let alone the dating game.
2) Never be lazy and cut corners. What you gain in time and convenience will hit you later after the deed is done. It takes just as much effort to do the wrong thing as it does to do the right thing in the long run.
4) Being a responsible person means making everything you have control over a priority in your life, starting with your own body and belongings and then letting it overflow to every other area. Sure, you could trick a woman into being attracted to you through crafty tactics, but if you have yourself together and in control, women will gravitate to you naturally and strongly with little effort.
5) Dwelling on past failures, complaining about the present, and worrying about the future accomplishes absolutely nothing. The only person to blame for your state of negativity is yourself. If your negative emotions and thoughts cause you to have such a narrow awareness of the present and its opportunities to enjoy life, you will never experience them. This is where strong family ties will help you if you are truly needing and seeking help.
6) Distinguish the difference between needs and wants. Needs are things such as food, water, air, clothing, shelter, transportation, money. Wants are five-star food, tap water from FIJI, a closet full of Versace threads, a Manhattan penthouse, millions of dollars, a '69 camero, and lots of women and sex. Women want to be wanted, not needed. Wanting can be a powerful ally in the dating game and should be your drive to getting the girl that YOU want. Why complicate things by trying to analyze women through logical devices? You want that ass, simple as that. Let her know what you want, but DO NOT let that want turn into need.
7) Realize that being a responsible adult means standing up for what you believe in, even if you don't know what the consequences will be. I lost an incredibly amazing, sexy, beautiful girl because I ended our heated foreplay seconds before sex when she jokingly hinted that she was in a committed relationship. I stopped, got up, and left immediately. For months, I was so upset with myself because I could have had my dream girl and I lost everything I had going with her, but then I realised that I made the right decision and would have made the whole situation MUCH worse if we had followed through. Integrity will save your life, my friend.
8) Humility is not a sign of weak confidence. In fact, it proves to yourself and others that your self-image is solidly grounded in confidence. You have nothing to prove and nothing to hide. Give women multiple opportunities to find out for themselves what kind of person you are instead of force-feeding them by false advertising, which drives them away.
9) Never be ashamed of your sexuality. Realize that there's nothing wrong with sex and everyone wants it. Joke about it, laugh about it, talk about it. Opening up (tastefully) about sex will show women that you're not ashamed of yourself and are confident in all areas of your life, and they will also feel more comfortable around you, will gravitate towards you, and will warm up to you emotionally and physically.
10) In most cases, perception is more important than reality; How people perceive you is more important than what you know to be true about yourself. If you know and believe all of the rules I listed above, but aren't acting on them or making them easily apparent to others, women will never have a clue about who you really are and what you want.
These truths are universal. Learn them, work on them, be aware of them, and make them a part of you. Then FORGET THEM and enjoy life and yourself in the present moment, where you are. Women will gravitate towards you if you truly believe in yourself.
I'm sure you guys can already tell from my nickname that I'm a professional jazz musician in training, and the parallels to the dating game and the creative arts is truly incredible. Jazz, as in dating, is a two-part deal. There is "art" and "craft" involved in learning an instrument and then being able to improvise in the moment. The "craft" of dating is knowing the rules as well as getting your outer-game together (self-improvement, hygiene, mental health). The "art" of dating is being able to play and think in the moment, connecting to that other place and letting the music come to you instead of forcing it by anxiously worrying and analyzing the moment as it happens. The idiot-savant legend of bebop jazz, Charlie Parker once said:
Learn the rules, then forget them all. You gotta know the rules first to forget them.
In my experience, as I'm sure most of you will agree with me, the only rules and things that you should learn and follow are:
1) Good manners, solid values, strong family ties, and healthy respect for yourself and others gives you the solid foundation for a well-rounded personality that will get you far in the social and professional world, let alone the dating game.
2) Never be lazy and cut corners. What you gain in time and convenience will hit you later after the deed is done. It takes just as much effort to do the wrong thing as it does to do the right thing in the long run.
4) Being a responsible person means making everything you have control over a priority in your life, starting with your own body and belongings and then letting it overflow to every other area. Sure, you could trick a woman into being attracted to you through crafty tactics, but if you have yourself together and in control, women will gravitate to you naturally and strongly with little effort.
5) Dwelling on past failures, complaining about the present, and worrying about the future accomplishes absolutely nothing. The only person to blame for your state of negativity is yourself. If your negative emotions and thoughts cause you to have such a narrow awareness of the present and its opportunities to enjoy life, you will never experience them. This is where strong family ties will help you if you are truly needing and seeking help.
6) Distinguish the difference between needs and wants. Needs are things such as food, water, air, clothing, shelter, transportation, money. Wants are five-star food, tap water from FIJI, a closet full of Versace threads, a Manhattan penthouse, millions of dollars, a '69 camero, and lots of women and sex. Women want to be wanted, not needed. Wanting can be a powerful ally in the dating game and should be your drive to getting the girl that YOU want. Why complicate things by trying to analyze women through logical devices? You want that ass, simple as that. Let her know what you want, but DO NOT let that want turn into need.
7) Realize that being a responsible adult means standing up for what you believe in, even if you don't know what the consequences will be. I lost an incredibly amazing, sexy, beautiful girl because I ended our heated foreplay seconds before sex when she jokingly hinted that she was in a committed relationship. I stopped, got up, and left immediately. For months, I was so upset with myself because I could have had my dream girl and I lost everything I had going with her, but then I realised that I made the right decision and would have made the whole situation MUCH worse if we had followed through. Integrity will save your life, my friend.
8) Humility is not a sign of weak confidence. In fact, it proves to yourself and others that your self-image is solidly grounded in confidence. You have nothing to prove and nothing to hide. Give women multiple opportunities to find out for themselves what kind of person you are instead of force-feeding them by false advertising, which drives them away.
9) Never be ashamed of your sexuality. Realize that there's nothing wrong with sex and everyone wants it. Joke about it, laugh about it, talk about it. Opening up (tastefully) about sex will show women that you're not ashamed of yourself and are confident in all areas of your life, and they will also feel more comfortable around you, will gravitate towards you, and will warm up to you emotionally and physically.
10) In most cases, perception is more important than reality; How people perceive you is more important than what you know to be true about yourself. If you know and believe all of the rules I listed above, but aren't acting on them or making them easily apparent to others, women will never have a clue about who you really are and what you want.
These truths are universal. Learn them, work on them, be aware of them, and make them a part of you. Then FORGET THEM and enjoy life and yourself in the present moment, where you are. Women will gravitate towards you if you truly believe in yourself.
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