Some musings on "having things in common"

[Alphathree]

I dated this HB9 for a while. Got a bit of a crush on her. Screwed it up. Whatever. We're still 'friends.'

With my other female friends, I know I have the upper-hand: they're attracted to me, I have the power, we have fun together. It's all good.

(For each one, I've either been physical with them at one point or have held off for various reasons in other cases.)

With this one, she does things that make me think I've still got the upper hand:

- she always initiates contact with me and not the other way around

- she wants to do 'action' things with me (I told her what I was planning to do over the next while and she said "I want to do those things too" ... we're both going to be in Toronto for four months)

- she compliments me: says I'm "hip", "zen", "impressive" and so on

But I also have normal conversations with her because, attraction aside, we have that old AFC thing called "a lot in common." She's a really classy, smart girl... I can't quite put my finger on it, but we're just on the same brainwave, you know?

But the art of pickup has totally screwed up my thinking on "having things in common." When I was an AFC, I would've mistaken it for attraction. Now I don't.

I'll admit it: I watch Gilmore Girls. There, I said it. It has witty dialogue, what can I say. She watches it too. We like the same music. We both like social dancing (it's where I met her.) We're both middle-class suburban types with vocabularies beyond "Hi how r u?"

So, yes... "things in common."

You see, I've actually never been in a committed relationship as a DJ. I had a long-term girlfriend when I was an AFC and I had no problem "having things in common" then.

And I'm at a point now where I understand attraction really well and I want to find a high-quality girl and do that whole committed relationship thing over again -- no more scattered dating, makeouts, and one-nighters.

But I just can't do it... not because girls aren't interested, but because I can't stop playing the game. It's all a game to me now.

In my AFC days, I'd think, "Hey, we think alike, we have things in common, she's beautiful, and we're talking about how we both like the same TV shows. Great!"

Now I think, "oh no, this isn't vibing or C&F, it's just plain old value-sharing... that's what AFCs do! Must end conversation now!"

AAAAAARGHHHHH, someone, please take the program out of my head... help me think about this in a normal way.

 

[wolfsbaneforever]

Just have sex with her man ! Your thinking too much. Its all biological. Let her do all the guessing.

Just my 0.69 cents.

 

[Boner da Stoner]

Your in a good position dude!

"She thinks your gay"

 

[izza]

Originally posted by Boner da Stoner
Your in a good position dude!

"She thinks your gay"

LOL, that was hilarious.

I feel the same way you do sometimes alpha, heh except for the having lots of women part (gives you an idea how much my opinion is worth, I suppose). But seriously, I wish I could forget all this seduction crap - before I was just myself, I talked, I joked, I did what felt natural to me. Now I'm weaving these retarded "strategies" into all my conversations. Oh no, I haven't made fun of this HB in the past thirty seconds, better find some flaw quick and hammer her with it. Oh no, she's finding out about me, better say something mysterious (aka terse), that'll keep her fascinated by my monosyllabic responses, right?! Seriously, this stuff is so stupid and even if it's not, it's unnecessary. I would never think about it if I had any self-confidence at all. People always know what to do, deep down inside. I do too. It's not necessary to think about these things. All that counts is fun. After all, the right thing always feels right.

But about not wanting to settle down, so to speak, and have a gf, sometimes all this playa playa stuff is something you need to get out of your system. It doesn't sound like something worth worrying about. Unlike getting women in the first place, once you have them, the gfs find themselves.

All the best!