Some advice if possible (thinking about dropping the bomb)

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

I used to post here years ago, so I knew where to come. Let me just say, I'm not really interested in being a master "DJ" or anything, pulling tail left & right. Don't get wrong, I wouldn't say no to it, but its just not something I try to achieve too much. Don't much like the "game." Eh screw it. who cares . . I'll TRY to make this fast. Need opinions on whether this girl wants to be (ugh) "friends" or more, and advice on whether or not to flat out ask if she wants something more, because I hate HATE HATE this "limbo" feeling. I'll try to be as real as possible without sugar-coating or anything, because I'd seriously rather know the truth (even bad) than be in this awful limbo.

Met her at a party, made it pretty damn clear what my intentions were (at least I think I did). We've talked ever since. She calls/Texts like crazy usually. She calls/texts me I mean. To the point where I could probably count on my hand the # of times I've texted/called her. We have this long email convo going, like a page long to each other. I drop hints on wanting "more", subtle ones, but without coming out and saying it, ya know? I had the house to myself last weekend & was having people over, told her she could come by if she wanted, but she declined (was driving home from another state that day though). Plus, friends were over, so I dunno.

Finally went out with her over the weekend (movie date). She kept offering gum and mints . . We were pretty close but not overly so to the point where I'm thinking "Ok, she's into me." I completely *****ed out and didn't go for a kiss or anything . . ugh. There was a storm, so I didn't get that outside "goodbye" situation . . Earlier that night I offer ideas of cooler stuff to do, but she declines . . sincerely I think, like she's just not into the stuff. But then I realize I'm not enterely clear on how to get to the theater I was planning on. Ha! I am so smoothe. So I arrange that we take her car, since it was better for the rain (it was the truth actually). Yeah, she drove. Haha . . better than being like "I dont' know where I'm going" IMO. but she texts me afterwards making sure I got home alright (because of the storm) and thanks me for the time. I ask if she wants to do it again soon, she says yes.

Yeah, so this could be nothing or something basically. I don't know. But there's a party this weekend she will be at, and honestly I want to have a good time and not worry about this crap. I'm seriously thinking of just asking if she wants something to develop here or not, through text or phone (waiting for her to text or call) this week. I am not interested in dragging this out and being some poor sap in the friend zone hoping for something more . . Screw that! If she wants to be just friends, fine, but I'd rather know so I treat her as such and not waste time.

Any input/advice is greatly appreciated. As you can tell, I am not very good at the "game." I'm just trying to be real, and f*ck it if nothing comes of it ,basically. But I'd rather just know, one way or the other, than be here wondering. UGH.

 

[PectoralisMajor]

RE:I am not interested in dragging this out and being some poor sap in the friend zone hoping for something more . . Screw that! If she wants to be just friends, fine, but I'd rather know so I treat her as such and not waste time.

your NOT into her..this part is MEANT to be EXCITING and FUN. instead your cant be bothered / care less attitude is ruining it, and your asking if she wants more will be a complete turn-off to her.

your heading straight for the FRIENDS zone - good luck buddy !

 

[The Bat]

If you'd rather know one way or another, then why bother coming here asking for advice and insulting people beforehand with that "I'm not into this crap" attitude? I smell a chump...:crazy:

Now, let's dissect this:

- She's calling/texting too much and what are you doing? Picking up and replying to her texts? With supposed sexual intentions? You have to understand that women LOVE emotions and anything that creates feelings is addicting to them. Notice I said "anything", not "anyone"... That means that all that sexual talk with her on the phone, text, email mean nothing if you don't follow it up with them in person

- She declined your invitation to come to your party. That's a big red flag. Why? Because any chick who is crazy for you would NOT decline to hang out with you. Even if she did have a long drive and really couldn't make it, she would counter offer and say something like, "Maybe we'll hang out next week or next time you have a party..."

BUT...

She did go out with you to the movies. So that's a good sign. At least, she didn't flake this time.

- Why are you making plans with her to see her for NEXT time while you are ON a date with her NOW?? Are you that desperate for her that you want to make SURE that you WILL be hanging out with her next week or whatever? No wonder she declined...she smelled that desperation the instant you said, "I have some cool ideas..."

- Again, DO NOT ask to hang out with her right after your date. Leave it all up in the air. Let her fantasize about whether or not you two will hang out again. Plus, don't you have other things to do than hang out with a chick, that you just met, so soon? Come on bro.

- You didn't kiss her? Holy crap. What?! You didn't kiss her??! Remember what I said earlier about all the stuff you talked about on phone and wrote in a email not meaning anything unless you follow it up? Well guess what...you failed during that date. You confessing your feelings to her at a party this weekend would finalize that failure and put you square into the friends zone. Mark my words. You will be friend zoned.

There is no way to salvage this situation. It's time to date other girls and cut this girl off. If she comes back wanting to hang out with you, don't do it. You are too much of a chump to handle that situation correctly. And I say this to help you, not to belittle you. Understand that.

 

[Mavrick]

I read the first paragraph and immediately had an answer for you. No.

Never be the one to pursue more. Never be the one that feels like he's in limbo. The reason they say to have more than one woman is so that you won't feel the way that you do right now. You've pin yourself in a corner and now your wanting out and on top. She's got you where she wants you. She's got you being the most predictable guy around and soon she'll be gone.

I see women chase guys who have women all the time, but as soon as that man gives up his women for her, she's gone. The challenge is gone. If you want to run this woman off, then ask her for something more, and you'll be sitting alone wondering where things went wrong. Well, I'm telling you before you make a wrong move. If you want this woman, then you need to get more woman. You need to do whatever it takes to lose the desperation you have. You need to make her feel that you are valuable.

There are too many women out there for you feel so desperate.

The woman that you want is just that "a want" and most assuredly not a "need". Change your thought process to be congruent with what I've just said, and you'll have success you've never imagined before.

What you do need to do with this girl instead of asking questions is TAKE ACTION. Make a move! If you lose her because of the moves, then what have you lost? Nothing because you had nothing to begin with, and you don't want to be friends. Friends are easy to make. There are plenty of women that you can be friends with, but not this girl. jst take action and make a move.

Don't ask questions!

Take action (speak through your actions)!

Make a move!

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

Thanks for the replies. First off, sorry if it sounded like I was crapping on all of this . . I could have put it nicer. Its not that I think its crap or bs, it just doesn't sound like something that would "fit" me. Just trying to be honest . . or its not in me. Maybe thats a better way to put it.

- She declined your invitation to come to your party. That's a big red flag.

Yeah, thats the biggest one. It was weird as hell . . another thing. She's actually the one who gave me her #. I didn't even ask . . And then she's like "nah" when I invite her. Ok . .

- Why are you making plans with her to see her for NEXT time while you are ON a date with her NOW?? Are you that desperate for her that you want to make SURE that you WILL be hanging out with her next week or whatever? No wonder she declined...she smelled that desperation the instant you said, "I have some cool ideas..."

No, no . . it wasn't for next time. The movie didn't start for a while, so I was offering some things to do in the meantime. The only thing I mentioned about "next time" was at the end of the night, asking if she wants to do it again soon . .

There is no way to salvage this situation. It's time to date other girls and cut this girl off. If she comes back wanting to hang out with you, don't do it. You are too much of a chump to handle that situation correctly. And I say this to help you, not to belittle you. Understand that.

Lol . . well thanks for the honesty. Its cool. You really think thats it though? End of story? I actually told myself if nothing happened that day, my own fault or not, I'd move on. Yet here I am . . But ok, why would I say "no" if she wanted to come back and hang out again? Are you saying I should swear off women, because I'm too much of a chump?

Mavrick, thanks for the reply. I think thats the right idea. So basically, asking her if there's something there is the worst thing to do. Screw it . . ugh. It sucks, I should have taken care of this over the weekend. I guess we'll see what happens at this party then . .

The thing is though, why the hell AM I desperate? I am fine without a girl, and was perfectly content with focusing on myself and my own goals until this came along. Then suddenly I fall right into being the "most predictable guy in the world." Weird ..

 

[Mavrick]

The thing is though, why the hell AM I desperate? I am fine without a girl, and was perfectly content with focusing on myself and my own goals until this came along. Then suddenly I fall right into being the "most predictable guy in the world." Weird ..

Because this woman became a necessity for you instead of a desire.

 

[The Bat]

Well, if you REALLY want to salvage the situation, you have to stop being desperate. Easier said than done but do it for your own benefit. There will be plenty more girls like her so don't sweat her too much.

Don't shower her with attention this weekend. Don't even call her to find out if she is going to the party. If she calls/texts you, just don't answer. You'll leave her wondering. Plus, you will stop being predictable.

Then when you see her at the party, of course she's going to try to get your attention and try to get you to talk all dirty to her while she'll end up going home with that surfer dude at the end.

Best way to deal with it? Be non-chalant. If she talks to you, say "hi" back with a friendly smile and MOVE ON to other girls that are there at the party (if there aren't any, then leave man...what are you doing at a sausage fest in the first place?) When she sees you flirting/having a good time with other girls, she'll want you all for herself.

But see this is where you might screw up. She'll do or say something to try and have you all for herself and you'll fall for it and end up proclaiming your undying love for her.

Well I'll tell you how you should handle it in any case. It's up to you to decide if you can pull it off.

So you're flirting and having a good time with other girls/your pals. She sees that and wants to join in and be the object of your attention. You remain friendly but non-chalant with her. You smile, make small talk, high five, Kino, etc. with her for a short time THEN you go and heavily flirt, Kino other girls at the party. You might think that I'm telling you to make her jealous. But that's not what you'd be doing.

You'd be showing her that you have other OPTIONS. That you CAN pull any other girl right in front of her if you WANT. You show her that you don't NEED her but you MAY WANT her. This is very important. Read that again so you understand exactly how your mindset should be this weekend.

When she sees that you are no longer in her grip and that you aren't fawning over her, she will want more of you. Trust me on this. A man sought after by multiple women creates competition anxiety in her mind which is good because then you become a challenge for her and become less predictable (i.e. you're not following her around like a lost puppy all night).

Now several things can happen. She could get pissed off and leave the party. If she does that, try to WAVE goodbye to her and go back to having a good time with other girls/your pals. She could lose interest in you and not care about what you do. If she does that, then no big deal...you've found your answer that you came looking for here in the first place. She could become very clingy and NOT leave you alone for the night. If she does that, then tell her, "If you don't leave me alone, I'm gonna have to spank you hard and make you all mine later tonight." (in a seductive tone of course...)

You have to make her work for your attention this weekend. Be playful about it too. Just make sure you let her know (don't word it) covertly that you don't need her for anything, and she is nothing more than "some girl I dated once" to you. Because that's what she ultimately is. I mean, really...is she going to matter that much 5 years from now to you? (assuming you don't get into a LTR with her...)

There is lot more here that I wanted to say but this situation is complicated enough that you're going to have a hard time pulling it off successfully. If you want to throw a hail mary and go all out, then do it. Just don't come back here and complain about it if it fails. Because we already told you that it has a greater chance of failing than succeeding.

And no, I didn't tell you to swear off all women and become celibate or the next Boy George. I told you to swear off THIS woman and chase other women.

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

Thank you The Bat and Mavrick . . And how's this for a riddle now. She discussed a promotion at work she was really hoping for, and now as I'm sitting here at work, texts me saying she didn't get it. Doesn't it seem kind of pricky to not even respond at all?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Your in the friend zone bro. When a girl is into a guy, she makes it obvious and she will SHOW you by letting you kiss, grab, fuvk her. It seems like each time you guys hang out, your cementing your fate further and further into the friend zone.

And maybe you should re-think your whole mind set about "the game" not "fitting" you. Most, if not every guy that came here was a chump at one point. If they all felt that this stuff didn't "fit" them, then they would all still be chumps. You need to work on your inner game, then your outer game, THEN present yourself to the available women. Right now you simply defeat yourself before you start and women can smell it...because its coming off as desperation!



PIMP

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

Yeah, but its not like I'm foaming at the mouth desperate for girls, honestly. Weird . . if/when this thing completely falls apart, I'll take about 10-15 minutes to feel bad about it, and then move on. Oh well, screw it. Maybe you're right and it is already time to move on. Better off focusing on other things anyway.