Social set - girl gets enthusiastic then turns flaky

[TOneThousand]

Out at a bar over the weekend for a friend's bday. We had a big social group with us, a lot of these people hang out on a regular basis. HockeyGirl is a part of this social group but hasn't hung around with us in a while. I hadn't seen her in some time and invited her to this birthday thing. I've known her for a while and we've had good chemistry.

HockeyGirl shows up initially friendly, gives me a hug and warm hello. I tell her about something dumb that just happened and we had a quick warm interaction. She came with two of her girlfriends, both I've known for some time. She starts talking to other people in the group, I talk to her friends for a bit. Everyone sort of mingles.

Time passes without much interaction between us and I feel the initial warm vibe cooling. I talk to one of her girlfriends and include another girl that we're hanging out with in our discussion. This part was good,I think when I brought second girl in it helped make the general vibe social and fun.

Eventually HockeyGirl is standing alone and go over to her to say how have you been etc. Here things start to feel awkward and her comfort level not so high. Also felt like she was being sh*t testy and a little quiet. I just made a point not to change demeanor and keep cool and positive. After a minute she eased up some and asking me what's been going on with me. It turned into a good interaction and I chemistry was building. I told her this funny story about something that happened to me that week, she was digging the story and opening up. She was playing with her hair and I gradually was touching her more, mostly her hands and hip. In the middle of the story someone called her off to play table shuffleboard (in a bar with those games).

When she freed up again I went to finish telling the story, she was happy I came back and wanted to hear the rest of it. Then I brought one of her girlfriends in with us to include her on the story. HockeyGirl responded well and felt like she was liking this. Chemistry between us here was good and then she asked me if I'm going to be at XYZ bar later this week... she typically knows I'll be at this place on a certain night. I told her yeah I think so. She offered that she'd come meet us (me and some others) on that night. She made a point to ask her two girlfriends if they're free that night in front of me. One of her friends said she will be free and the other said maybe/probably. Based on experience with HockeyGirl, this was a good sign. Her wanting to make plans and doing it when chemistry between us is good.

We talk to other people, play bar games separately etc. She was playing games for a long time and it made it weird to try to talk. While she's playing one I was talking to some other girl, a friend of a friend. This girl is older, in a serious relationship, nice. This is just a friendly conversation though the girl is complimenting me a lot, asking if I've been dating anyone, says she likes my outfit, some touching, that sort of stuff. While HockeyGirl was in her game she must have noticed me talking to this girl for a long time and that the girl was complimenting me and paying a lot of attention to me.

HockeyGirl freed up from her game and I just asked her if she had fun or whatever. Not much more than that.

She went and sat at the bar with her girlfriends. After a bit I went up and talked to their group for a minute. They told me they're cashing out and about to leave. When saying bye, HockeyGirl and I hugged and I said something like "Good to see you, so I'll catch you at XYZ this week". Here she said something flaky like "Probably, as long as I don't forget about it". I responded with a little tease and then her girlfriend said "I won't forget" and something like we'll see you later in the week.

The change in enthusiasm level with HockeyGirl between when she suggested for the meet and when they left and she said she might forget about it was definitely noticeable. She may or may not show up at the place this week.

The first thing I takeaway from this situation is that I likely missed the opportunity to keep the mood and the momentum up when it was at a high point. I probably wasn't interacting with her enough while she was off playing games. I couldn't think of a smooth way to keep the interaction going while she was preoccupied with playing games, etc.

The second thing is that it helped the situation to include other girls in the conversations. Turn a one on one into a group conversation. I should make a deliberate point to do this more.

Thanks dudes and have a good one!

 

[PlatoPacks23]

I missed the part where there was enthusiasm?

 

[TOneThousand]

@PlatoPacks23 when we were talking one on one she opened up, became very engaged in conversation, got flirty, and was direct about us meeting later on the week. At the point she suggested that the chemistry felt high. I took her offer to meet as an indication of enthusiasm but clearly you think otherwise. Cheers man.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Way too much investment from your part you've written 10 paragraphs about a girl you haven't slept with nor even dated

Women are not stupid they have a superb intuition for knowing when a man is where they want him

women have so many online options for dating now they feel like their hot property and can keep cycling through men until " mr perfect arrives " nobody really knows what he looks like but some women are so emotionally unstable anyone that doesn't appear "perfect" to her gets tossed aside and ghosted

also because they can effectively create social circles at will with other delusional single women they all kind of reinforce each other with this ideology of " you deserve better sis "

its only when the social circles start falling apart and a woman finds herself single, childless and on the scrap heap at 35 do the alarm bells start ringing and then they start hating men for not being good enough

If it wasn't so tragic it would be hilarious ( I do find it quite funny )

Go for girls under 25 they are less demanding , like older guys, like being led and are more adventurous in bed , my friends take the piss out of me for sleeping with girls like 22-25 but they are far far easier to deal with

 

[PlatoPacks23]

@PlatoPacks23 when we were talking one on one she opened up, became very engaged in conversation, got flirty, and was direct about us meeting later on the week. At the point she suggested that the chemistry felt high. I took her offer to meet as an indication of enthusiasm but clearly you think otherwise. Cheers man.

YOU thought she was engaged in conversation
YOU thought she got flirty

read cues better homie.. a large group hang out is the opposite of a date. Her AGAIN offering yet another group date is STILL not a date.

 

[The Duke]

@TOneThousand I don't think any of that sounded interesting. I'd lose interest too. Way too long winded of an explanation. So much doesnt even matter. You lack self awareness and it causes issues with the women you try to get to with.

 

[Barrister]

"I felt the initial warm vibe cooling."

There was never a vibe, brother. This woman sees you as an orbiter who invited her to a social event where she can look for a man who she deems worthy of her interest. That isn't you. Her actions told you all you needed to know.

If you have interest in this chick you need to actually ask her to do something 1 on 1. Go grab a drink at a bar just the two of you. In fact, ask her now and just see what kind of reaction you get. What you are doing so far sounds more like some type of college sh1t where you invite the girl you like along to a 100 person event. That isn't real life and it isn't putting you on her radar. Her response to your direct question is going to tell you all you need to know.

 

[Rainrain]

There is a saying in Spanish along the lines of “he who shows hunger does not eat”. Your post reads like one of these marriedpill ones where the husband is trying to lead the wife and make her more submissive; their posts are like “she did this”, “she went there”, “she ate here”, etc.

In your case, your post is very similar where HockeyGirl is basically doing her own thing and you were reacting to every move. Whose frame are you on? The worst part is that you thought she was pursuing you when in reality you were doing all the chasing. I agree with others that this sounds pretentious or conceited in your part.

Also, to give you a FYI and what these girls are doing, they are basically the buyers in this market while you are the seller. They took your invitation to see what other men were around and if they were worthy of investing their time. They will take someone’s invitation next week. Don’t be surprised when their options run dry and they text you “you never invited me out that time”. When that time comes hopefully you have enough time experience with women that you won’t fumble the bag.

Basically, next time, don’t be fixated in one thing. Try to be more assertive, look after yourself, having a good time, and follow @Barrister’s advice.

 

[TOneThousand]

Ok obvious I needed to wake up here and have to get my head straight. I'll work on it. Definitely appreciate the blunt advice.

@The Duke - I reread the original post. Yes you're right. Most of it is irrelevant and not interesting. What my point should have been is that I thought it was weird the girl was assertive about getting together and then later acted flaky on the idea. As others pointed out her planning a group meetup wasn't an indication of interest and not something to read into

@PlatoPacks23 and @Barrister - I get what you're saying. A group hangout is not investment from the girl and not an indication of enthusiasm. Her actions didn't demonstrate anything like that. Barrister, fair point about the group hangout stuff being weak from me

@Bingo-Player - Well said about women's intuition, online options, mr. perfect, etc. Thanks

@Rainrain - Great point about my frame and chasing. I hear you that my point of view was conceited. I'll pay more attention to that. Appreciate the explanation of the buyer/seller analogy, it's interesting.

Thanks again all.

 

[The Duke]

The connection between you and a girl always needs to be increasing. Interesting topics during conversation, good dialogue, asking questions, building on the experience, etc. Surface stuff doesn't do that.

When you say certain things pay attention to her body language. Eventually you will learn what works and what doesn't.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Ok obvious I needed to wake up here and have to get my head straight. I'll work on it. Definitely appreciate the blunt advice.

Thanks again all.

Every guy has been there , I still make mistakes now where I'll fall into her frame instead of maintaining my own especially when she is " my type " or I am very attracted to her

Difference now is I can recognise very quickly where I am fvcking up and move on very quickly where as a few years ago I would be doing mental gymnastics and essays trying to " figure it out "

Women are complicated and they do like testing men IF YOU ARE THE TYPE OF MAN WHO"S GOING TO ALLOW IT

you do very much need to be "ready for anything" in order to have any chance at being universally successfu

some women are more forgiving than others , but few will allow repeated fvck up's or flashes of weakness it drys the pu$$y up

 

[PlatoPacks23]

good to see you take feedback!

 

[LTG71]

HockeyGirl was only there for a group hangout and felt maybe a drop of interest in meeting you again (for another group outing). Once she saw you talking to another woman, she got jealous and changed her mind. There is nothing between you two so why would even she care? Example of female logic. Her interest is not high enough for her to bother.

These group outings are how women frame friendships, they sit around and have multiple conversations about nonsense. Ask her out for an actual date before you slip deeper into the friendzone.

 

[RangerMIke]

Most women learn at a young age the art of flirting to get what they want. This is their default. It's not necessarily serious... just what they do.

Many men misinterpret flirtation as romantic interest. When this happens and she IS NOT really attracted to the man, they are also skilled and sniffing out men that are taking the flirtation seriously and the pull back quickly.

A man should just assume she is NOT being serious... get her number... try to make a date... if she is really interested, she will give you her number, agree to a date, and show up. Until that happens just assume she is being 'friendly' and nothing else.

One more thing, the longer you hang around and not make some kind of effort to meet up later the worst it is for the man. Women are NOT stupid, within 15 seconds of meeting you she knows you are interested and the longer you wait to actually try and set something up the creepier and less attractive you become. If you are at a party and see a woman you are attracted to, chat with her for 15 minutes then tell her you have to talk to other people, but would like to meet up later, ask for her number, and say you will contact her. Then DO NOT LOOK AT HER AGAIN the rest of the time you are at the party.

If she goes out of her way to find you and say something to you, when she is leaving... good sign. Especially if she says something like "Call me". Regardless call and try to make a date later... then see what happens.