social retardation

[DinoCassanova]

Do you yell "HEY EVERYONE, I HAVE A STORY!!".

>>> Not unless you're doing your Ron Burgundy Anchorman impersonation. Speaking of movies , Dice, by the way there are a few movies which you could watch that , if they don't help I'm sure they won't hurt. Try "Swingers", for example. It's kind of all about a bunch of aspiring DJ's and you see alot of what to do and also alot of what definitely NOT to do. To name Ron Burgundy again, in the movie "Anchorman", he is kind of the ultimate 70's DJ (or at least a parody of that). Or the movie "Wedding Crashers" , which I think is still at the theatres. Those guys are definitely DJ's. By watching movies you get to study the way some of these characters behave, and you could even (very subtly; you don't want to just totally bite off anyone) kind of base your own remolded more "social" self on a character you see in a movie you like. So don't discard movies as good potential learning tools for becoming more sociable and doing more DJ'ing, Dice. Good luck.

 

[dice]

ok so for no good reason at all last night (i was at 711 and got this strong sensation to go buy a book on personality) I went and picked up a copy of Psychocybernetics, as I'd seen it mentioned on this forum many times in relation to personality and inhibitions. I couldn't put it down and I'm 3/4 done it already, but I literally feel like it was written for me personally. It describes my exact problem and gives solutions.

My problem is in how I perceive myself, or my self image. I am constantly thinking of how the other person is reacting to me and always trying to guess what they're thinking of me. I am constantly analyzing and critiquing my behavior based on what i perceive other people to be thinking of me. Every action and every word spoken is judged so I became very self conscious. The bottom line is I'm too busy judging and analyzing myself to give my brain the chance to enjoy the pleasurable side of human interaction and conversation.

For the people in this thread that said they have the same problem as me, it's only because you perceive yourself as having the problem. If you perceive yourself as something different, you will BECOME something different. As you think you shall become.
Just stay focused on the image of WHAT you want to be, not HOW you will become it as this will come automatically when the WHAT is the focus.

 

[bud_2005]

I think one of my biggest problems is I can't word things like some people to make stuff sound interesting. Like me and my friend could be talking about the exact same thing and he would say everything smooth and use words to make it sound funny. Me on the other hand might have to pause trying to search for the right word for a second and it just comes out a little off. Movies have helped a me become funnier though. I recommend them.

Another thing I notice is that people seem to say things that are a blatantly obvious sometimes and I don't think you need to say those things. Like a hot looking broad walks by. Everyone knows she is hot. But someone also blurts out: "Man she is fine". Its like duh you don't have to tell me.

 

[ScrewIt]

Well have you always been like this or is this recent?

Perhaps you're just self-conscious about yourself when you speak. Really a lot of the stuff your head thinks about what other people think usually does not happen. The mind is evil at times.

Even if you have a boring personality or life...you could just talk about everyday stuff.

"say did you watch (so and so) on SNL, channel 7 last night?"
blah blah blah

"so what you been up to?"

"man it was horrific in the train today. people crammed in so tight it was so hot."

"watch any new movies lately?"

there are so much convo starters, it's not hard at all to start talking about nothing.

 

[Boner da Stoner]

****ing ICY that is a sweet nickname.... I could play THAT name as my game, wow pure genius... lol take ionto account that I'm in Nunavut and its ice covered 10 months of the year



Just be playful, what is personality?


Dice, ask yourself.... seriously.... write it down.... WHAT.... IS.... PERSONALITY?!?!



go out with mindsets, thats a personality... talk like a guy from star trek, klingon to your ass cause your from voyager style, happy person, angry person, sad person....

Tell me you can't pull those off...

come on guy, just imagine.

 

[organizedconfusion]

Originally posted by dice
I have a problem and its getting worse so im askin for help. I have NO PERSONALITY. I'm not stupid or anything I just struggle to maintain conversation. My problem is I cannot think of anything to say other then asking questions to keep the other person talking. I can't even talk to my roomate, we had a 2 hour car ride yesterday and we barely talked I just sat there thinking "man I have NOTHING to say" and when I did say something it just came off as obviously trying to interupt the silence. I just lost my GF cuz of this. This has been an ongoing problem and the worst part is i STILL don't know how to fix it. I feel like I've tried everything (books, meditation, journal-writing, sosuave, gaining ALOT of social experience no matter how awkward it was for me, psychology course, self-examination, affirmations to name a few) and the problem is only getting worse.

I dont even know what im asking for from you guys because I don't know what my problem is. My GUESS is the problem is either

A) I need to get out of my own head and start focusing 100% on my physical reality instead of doing "brain work" (see above examples) to fix myself.

B) I need to find myself. Find out who I am exactly. Be me instead of being the best.

ANY advice is welcome

DO ANYTHING THAT REQUIRES NO THINKING AT ALL AND
REQUIRES YOU TO LIVE INSIDE THE MOMENT



sports, boxing,drag racing(at the track-but i streetrace)
indoor rock climbing,working out...whatever that
forces you to "snap out of it" and be in the moment.


you want to REALLY BECOME A SOCIAL MAGNET?
learn how to dance, i mean REALLY GOOD.
Like Usher (just as long as it's not like P.Diddy)
:crackup:



the thing you need most is to just get "outside" of yourself,
and anything that fully engages you in the moment will make you
more natural and spontanious in ALL aspects of your life.


contemplating and dwelling on things helps you understand
whats going on and thats always a good thing,
but it does little to change you, you are just more aware
of whats going on inside your mind and how those behaviors originated.



once you are comfortable in living in the moment you will
naturally become more outgoing and be more rooted
in "reality".the social skills come naturally because engaging
in physical/social activities FORCES you to be in the moment,

unless you want to suck at what you are doing & look like an idiot.
personally i'd rather suck at what i am doing but actually trying
rather then suck at it because i am not trying.At least when i put
effort into something i know i have a better chance of inproving
instead of just giving up because i was never really trying in the
first place.


the reason most alphas are attractive is because there
"right here, right now" and you can only be really engaging
with people in the "moment".



THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PRETENDING AND BEING...
IS DOING...
DO THE THINGS THAT REQUIRE YOU TO BECOME THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BECOME AND IT ALL COMES NATURALLY..

the actions you take creates the person you become


you wanna be better at talking to people
FORCE yourself to do it til it becomes natural

you don't become better at anything by just thinking about it.
knowledge has it's purpose of course but knowledge without
action is like going to college to only end up a Burger Shack.

 

[organizedconfusion]

Originally posted by dice
ok so for no good reason at all last night (i was at 711 and got this strong sensation to go buy a book on personality) I went and picked up a copy of Psychocybernetics, as I'd seen it mentioned on this forum many times in relation to personality and inhibitions. I couldn't put it down and I'm 3/4 done it already, but I literally feel like it was written for me personally. It describes my exact problem and gives solutions.

My problem is in how I perceive myself, or my self image. I am constantly thinking of how the other person is reacting to me and always trying to guess what they're thinking of me. I am constantly analyzing and critiquing my behavior based on what i perceive other people to be thinking of me. Every action and every word spoken is judged so I became very self conscious. The bottom line is I'm too busy judging and analyzing myself to give my brain the chance to enjoy the pleasurable side of human interaction and conversation.

For the people in this thread that said they have the same problem as me, it's only because you perceive yourself as having the problem. If you perceive yourself as something different, you will BECOME something different. As you think you shall become.
Just stay focused on the image of WHAT you want to be, not HOW you will become it as this will come automatically when the WHAT is the focus.

thats one of my favorite books by the way...
you sound like a really intellectual "take things apart" type of guy..
i know because i am the same way.
my last reply is SHEER GOLD. Trust me...
it works. i been through your route (trying to fix myself, reading all sorts of books, anaylizing everything)and nothing solves social anxiety better then just being in the moment & fully engaged
in whatever you are doing...and nothing FORCES you to adapt
better then something really physical.Weight training is also a good one to get into also if you want to meet some cool people to hang out with on the weekends.
if i was in college i'd definetly take a drama class..
sorry i don't know where that fits in..must be my ADD acting
up again.

 

[CadillacCTS]

Here are some simple rules for convos

1. Talk about the other person's life (ppl usually like talkin bout them sleves) Find out their interest.

Ex. If they like cars

Did u see the new Mitsu Concept X, killer aint it?
What's your dream car?

Ex. If they like sports

Did you watch the game yesterday? (even if u dont watch sports jus know the highlights and stats etc)

2. Let the the other person talk

good convo comes from listening to the other person, and giving feed back

3. Smile, it must be genuine try to enjoy the convo and this is automatic

If you want to learn more read the book "how to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie

here is a summery if ur too lazy

http://www.mrdata.net/Amazon/Carnegie/friends.htm

 

[I_Only_Live_Once]

Yeah it also has to do with how you say it, because if you say it with enthusiasm that can engage the other person.

 

[ethnomethodologist]

Dice we're calling you. How's your story telling going these days?

I hope you having put it away. You better have some good advice for us. At least tell us now what your ideas on it are... I mean like DEEP. Get emotional