Social Mastery, Communication & Stepping up!

[Tempest]

Hey guys!

I'm trying to direct my focus right now, to try to get on track. There are certain goals and ambitions that I have, which I know how to obtain. Most involving money. However, there are certain aspects of my life which I'm trying to attain, but I don't know HOW!? This is where I'm hoping you guys can supply me with some guidance.

First, some history. I used to be VERY shy. A very shy, and insecure guy. I'm 18, turning 19 shortly. Throughout highschool, I was always the quiet one... and people would always ask me, "why are you so quiet?" I had few friends, and a VERY unhealthy social life. I was a keyboard jockey - spending time infront of the computer 24/7, instead of going out with friends and meeting people. I was anti-social for atleast 4 solid years of my highschool life. I would rather sit at home and play computer games then to go out with one of my friends on a Friday night. It's weird, because I'm a fairly good looking guy, and I've always been accepted into fairly popular groups. However, that never lasted.

Around 10 months ago I decided to CHANGE. I slowly began to overcome my shyness. I quit the journey online, and began hanging out with my friends and meeting new people. My confidence is UP, and I'm a lot happier today.

My problem lies with social skills and communicating. I'm VERY weak at it. I'm pretty much YEARS behind most people my age when it comes to socializing. I still consider myself socially retarded, in some situations.

Often, I run into situations where I'm in social gatherings, or around very alpha, confident people... and I get intimidated. I go quiet, and don't say a word. I lose control and everyone else is dominant in the interactions.

For example, just the other night I was out for my brothers birthday. I was around his friends, they're all much older. I sat at the restaurant and didn't say a word. I was too intimidated to say anything. I have this fear of being AMOG'd. Everyone was laughing and getting involved in the conversation, while I would sit there and only talk when spoken to or asked a question.

I want to build that ALPHA male personality. The confident, dominant, unstoppable personality and traits which give me control. I want to be the LIFE of the party... the popular guy, the guy that everyone loves and wants to be around. You know the one?

The question is.... HOW?? How do I do this? Where do I start? What can I do on a DAILY basis which will lead me in this direction? How can I improve my social skills? How can I be a BETTER communicator? How can I build that personality - the confident, dominant, likable one that everyone loves?

I'm really looking to get this part of my life handled. I've been involved with a lot of self-development stuff. I've read the bible, I'm listened to and watched all of the DYD programs. I have the right mindset. I go out with my lair usually twice a week, and I open maybe 20-30 sets a week. I'm pretty decent at PU, and I follow mainly Mystery Method and RSD. So, I'm on my way to being a great pickup artist. I'm out there interacting and opening sets a lot. My only drawback is my social abilities and communication around alpha people, or large group situations where I get intimidated.

Let me know if anyone can provide some solutions to my problem.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Delta Male]

Hey man,

First off, you're doing a lot right -- unlike most people who have problems like this, you're actually out in the field, doing something about it. Keep up the good work opening lots of sets with your lair, and you will get better.

But there are a few things that you could be doing better. First off, I change the focus of my techniques from the routines, negs, ****y and funny, and other surface attraction techniques that Mystery Method/RSD teaches. In fact, I would drop all canned material in general for a while.

This is the only way you will develop a REAL alpha persona and REAL social skills, not just an ability to recite someone else's routines. Focus instead on your ability to have natural free-flowing conversation, vibe with a group, and project dominance when you're in set. This way, it'll be applicable to other situations, such as your chillin with your brothers friends, where you can't use routines/tactics.

Second, you should try to hand with alpha guys AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. This is because for most people, their peer group defines their reality. If you see guys around you who can pull reliable numbers in two minutes, make-out with girls in 15 minutes, etc. that becomes normal for you. If you hang around guys who can dominate an AMOG totally just by looking at them, that becomes normal for you. I know personally, lots of my limiting beliefs were taken away by seeing Vincent and Dimitri do sets. And it's like when I talk to them, my old beta behaviors just seem...stupid. It's like fvck, I was actually thinking of paying for her food?!?!?!

If you want, we're having free-mini seminars in Boston and NY soon. It's worth it to come, just to have your limiting beliefs about what's really possible in PU taken away. And, RSI will send instructors out to do a freebie in any city where there's two or three people who want to listen.

-Dan

http://www.rapidsocialimpact.com

 

[Tempest]

Hey, thanks for the reply!

I know where you're coming from regarding the canned material. Eventually, I'd like to get to the point to not have to use it. But, for now I think it's great. Right now I still have some approach anxiety problems, which it will help me overcome. I'm working on my body language still. Also, I think it helps your inner game on so many levels. I've been out in the field for around 2 months now, and I definetly have to say it has helped me A LOT.

Hanging around with alpha people is essential, you're absolutely right. I hardly hang out with my old friends anymore, because I felt they were holding me back from growing. My current lair has some alpha guys in it, which I hang out with.

One thing RSD suggests is to stay in set as LONG as you can. Try not to eject so early. This is the only way you learn. If you force yourself to stay in there, you'll be forced to go through different and difficult situations which you'll have to respond to, and eventually get used to.

I've been doing better with vibing lately, too. I usually open, and then vibe between my routines. Seems to be working well.

I figure the ONLY way I'll be able to have the social life I want and dream of, would be to LIVE it right now. That would mean going out, having a very active and social life 5-7 days a week! I need to force myself to go out there.

I'm also getting a job at a club soon, once I turn 19. That should help a lot with my social skills. Also, I'm starting college in May.

I shouldn't be TOO worried, really, because I know it will slowly go away. It's just this huge insecurity that I have.

I also realize I'm too state dependant, too. My state fluctuates throughout the day. The only way for me to get into that active state is to open a set, and from there I'm all pumped up and ready to go. I need to learn how to control this better, and be in that state ALL the time!

Thanks again.

 

[Hellboy]

I totally agree with Delta, sounds like you're well on your way there. You're going through some huge changes and these things take time, so don't be disheartened by a few aspects that don't exactly measure up to your ideal yet. You know what you are doing and where you are going, it's just a matter of time.

The only advice I can offer on top of Delta's is to never hold back. You make a conscious decision not to interact. Just change that decision and say whatever comes into your head. Every time you think of something to say, say it. Say it loud and confidently, and don't give a sht about what anyone thinks. Even if you get AMOGd (whatever the hell that means) then take it on the cuff and continue with the same mindset.

With time you will become that person and you won't even have to make an effort, it will just be a natural thing.