MrWood
Master Don Juan
I have had my greatest and more sexual experiences AFTER 40yo
just sayn'
just sayn'
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Social life: Anyone else in here want more than JUST women alone. Did the ship sail after college?
- Thread starter Good Gao
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
blind_one
Master Don Juan
I second this wholeheartedly. Minus the hangover
resilient
Master Don Juan
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I can relate to this. I had a great social life in my 20s and early 30s.
Everything got turned upside down when I was the first one of my married friends to get divorced. Now, suddenly, I found I couldn't relate to my married bros anymore. No more couples hanging together, generally no couples parties, so I had to find new social spheres with single people because divorced people relate with single people better than married people.
At mid 30s, I didn't imagine this reality, but there I'm now. I'm learning to be comfortable with this paradigm and have found some interesting and cool people to do activities with like hiking, board games, or beer socials.
I guess you have to find your niche hangout, be it fashion show minded people or art events or even like-minded individuals that want to travel together. Sounds like that is working out for you since you mentioned it.
Game works on everybody. The reason a lot of guys come to form self-limiting judgments--i.e., everybody's old & married; I don't like the club scene anymore; meet up groups suck--is that they quit finding ways to stimulate themselves and become engaged in those environments. If you're not engaging yourself, no one else will find you particularly engaging either. Also, a lot of the guys here are introverted--nothing wrong with that--but it means you have to force yourself to go out and game the outer world to conform to your inner world instead of wasting effort the other way around or retreating into your head and feeling like a perpetual 'outsider'--since you're the little special snowflake who's too good to enjoy life.
Trust me, I've been there. A year ago I felt like I 'missed the boat,' that 'life was over,' that 'what I wanted just wasn't out there.' But the truth was that I was judgmental, self-suppressing, egotistical, negative, self-alienating and 'waiting for life to happen to me.'
Try something. Go out tonight or today--even if it's to the fvcking grocery store--and pretend you're the owner. Pretend you're a fvcking rock star. Focus on how that would feel--how would that person interact with that environment & the people in it? How would he carry himself? How would he talk? And focus on embodying that. You'll feel fake at first & you'll get some negative reactions but use those to reinforce your image of your ideal self. Eventually, your reality will be so strong that it'll suck other people into it and elevate them to the level you seek. Most people are capable of being interesting, of being engaging, of being compliant--they desperately want a reality to buy into since they live fragmented lives consisting of work, TV, internet, stress, bills, etc. They're all looking for interesting, like-minded people--you have to step up, stop looking and start creating and force people to wake up (and they will lol).
Trust me, I've been there. A year ago I felt like I 'missed the boat,' that 'life was over,' that 'what I wanted just wasn't out there.' But the truth was that I was judgmental, self-suppressing, egotistical, negative, self-alienating and 'waiting for life to happen to me.'
Try something. Go out tonight or today--even if it's to the fvcking grocery store--and pretend you're the owner. Pretend you're a fvcking rock star. Focus on how that would feel--how would that person interact with that environment & the people in it? How would he carry himself? How would he talk? And focus on embodying that. You'll feel fake at first & you'll get some negative reactions but use those to reinforce your image of your ideal self. Eventually, your reality will be so strong that it'll suck other people into it and elevate them to the level you seek. Most people are capable of being interesting, of being engaging, of being compliant--they desperately want a reality to buy into since they live fragmented lives consisting of work, TV, internet, stress, bills, etc. They're all looking for interesting, like-minded people--you have to step up, stop looking and start creating and force people to wake up (and they will lol).
This wasn't about sexual experiences though man.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
any luck meeting models?
It's like building a muscle. Change won't happen overnight--you have a lifetime of thought patterns and 'personality' to rewire.
I highly recommend meditation--every single day. I have a detailed thread on that here. I also recommend going out and cold approaching 2-3x a week. Trust me, it sucks at first. I got flat out rejected more times in the past year than I ever have in my whole life--until I didn't anymore. But every rejection is a chance to grow and solidify your reality. Learn to find amusement in rejection.
When interacting with people, focus on the following:
- What can I say that would make this interaction fun for me? Say it.
- What type of emotions/conversation does this person not find in their day-to-day life? Provide it.
- What type of life experiences has this person might've had that I can learn from? Ask about it.
- What kind of places does this person have access to that I might not? Talk about those places.
- Am I judging this person right now? Why? Am I trying to feel superior? How would I interact with this person if I were able to relate to them & genuinely liked them? (Hint--practice liking people, they'll start to like you back).
- What is something here that I might not've noticed before?
- What can I do to make this environment entertaining for me? Use your imagination (remember when you were a kid, and even going to the grocery store was the coolest place on earth? lol). You still have that sense of excitement in you--you've just pushed it down since you judged it as being 'childish.'
- How would I act if all of my needs were already met?