Social interactions within "The Matrix"

[typical]

Okay so I'm the manager of the workplace I'm working at and I have to attend these so called "Team Dinners" where we allocate a night during the month where the workers and their managers can go mingle and "become a tighter team by becoming more social".

I have tried to avoid these dinners stating that my personal life is hectic and my time is needed elsewhere. BUT to get promoted to the next level I'm going to have to go to a few of these to "show face".

I bit the bullet and have gone to half a dozen or so of these dinners where these workers if mine mingle talk eat dinner and talk sh!t. The thing that is bothering me is that every single conversation has some "Men are Sh!t" undertone or "Woman have it hard" undertone to it. Pretty much all Matrix BS talk going on, and I"m asked time and time again why I don't bring my gf/fiance/wife to these dinners ............ I get asked if I'm taken or single by the men and women that work for me. Now that they know I"m technically single they are prying for more information trying to work out "what is wrong with him" "why won't he settle down".

I'm finding it extremely difficult to deflect these probing questions and not go off into a Rolo Tomassi like speech and have these people get all butthurt over my views on work/life and relationships. I'm also sitting there once a month sometimes more nights wondering about all the things I could be doing as in Gym, Music practice or studying for my Masters etc, I'm getting agitated at the time I'm wasting with these people who have no desires no goal no dreams.

So how do I deal with these issues ?

 

[KarmaSutra]

Your attitude dictates the mood. Believing you're their leader, there's an immediate pre-supposition of authority. Rather than go into these meetings with the mind-set these are mere underlings there to pull a lever, and push a button, you should embrace your minor status amongst this group and bring yourselves together.

Listen, I was promoted two years ago to a high Managerial position within my company. The first order of business was to rid the negativity. I didn't fire anyone, but I made it so goddamned miserable on the three a$$wipes who caused 99.999999% of the cancerous bullsh!t in my department that two transferred to other departments, and the last (and worst) quit.

From then to now I have harmony. Everyone gets along, there are still some occasional hostilities but that's what you get when you have more than one woman in the same room for more than 2 minutes.

My suggestions: Smile and be genuinely happy you're there to lead your group. This will only help you train muscle memory in future endeavors of leadership. If they nag, and they will nag, talk to them about their problems from their perspective. Use what's known as the Ransberger Pivot. When someone is complaining, don't tune them out. Instead, let them finish, look into their eyes, lean towards them when they're speaking (body language is crucial when you're in the superior role), then allow them to voice why they feel that way. Two things will happen: You'll become their confidant and gain both their admiration and their trust. Once they've heard themselves speak-aloud their troubles, psychologically they can then view that problem from another perspective. A little reassurance and some confidence will push them towards being a more confident employee for you.

Why? Because you listened.

In the grand design, a couple hours a month is pittance when you have people wanting to follow you.

And, when they ask you about your personal life, the only thing you need to say, if you've followed the principles above and given them explicit boundaries, is that you're all there as a group to become a stronger team. Then flip-the-script and turn the conversation to their issues.

 

[typical]

Okay so I've applied what you told me and so far it's working. Now next question, how do I deal with these questions in my personal life with family and friends all whom tell me "I'm very wrong" for what I do with women etc.

 

[MOTU]

I am very vague when asked personal (I just don't share any personal information in the workplace) things and usually deflect the question back: "it's funny that you are curious about that. How are things for you at home?".

 

[SecondHalf]

Okay so I've applied what you told me and so far it's working. Now next question, how do I deal with these questions in my personal life with family and friends all whom tell me "I'm very wrong" for what I do with women etc.

First, they shouldn't know what you do with women.

Even if they did, I assume you have sex with them.
Seems pretty natural to me.

Regardless, I don't let them open that door. Once you've opened that door of communication, then you have to listen to the sermon the will likely follow. People have their own addenda. Women want to shame you, own you, change you ... it's the game. The man that would lecture you in that manner is likely trying to justify his own decisions or further brainwash himself in feeling like a man. But of course, you know all this!

Just give them a minimal ambiguous answer and change the subject if pressed.

SH