Social Chameleon

[Slickster]

This isn't your usual DJ Tip but if you practice it long enough I guarantee you will find yourself with more opportunities.

Last night I went to a music festival thing at a club. There were multiple live bands playing. Each band was quite different and attracted its own unique fan base. It was an interesting scenario. I looked around the room and saw a diverse group of people there. Preps, Hippies, Punkers, Cowboys, Goths, etc. It seemed like every stereotype was there to see "their" band. I'd classify myself as a little bit preppy.

As usually happens in such cases everyone splits off into their "groups". Well it was a great night for me socially. I brought a date with me but found that I was so caught up being social that I wasn't able to spend a lot of time with her. At the end of the night driving home she gave me an unusual compliment.

Something like this,

Her: "You are amazing! ( I could have said something C+F but chose to remain silent) I watched you all night and I can't believe how many friends you have. One minute I look over and you're laughing and hugging some crazy looking guy with mohawk and 10 minutes later I see you Hi-5ving some guy in a cowboy hat. Then a little while later you're surrounded by a bunch of dread-locked hippies. Everyone that passed by you seemed so excited to see and talk to you. You were hugging everyone and they all seemed like they were your best friends."

Me: "I guess I'm just a friendly guy."

Her: "Its more than that. Everyone is friendly enough. What's different about you is that you treat EVERYONE exactly the same.
All those people were split into their little social circles and there you were fitting in with all of them. I must say I was a little jealous when I saw you talking and hugging all those different girls."

Me: "Really??? Why they were just friends."

Her: "I know but I could tell they ALL wanted you."

Me: "Yeah, right."

Her: "I'm serious! I know women and they really pick up on guys with personalities like yours. If you weren't there with me tonight you could have taken any one of those women home with you."

Me: (Too many C+F opportunities. I couldn't hold off) "How do you know I don't have a few of them in the trunk?


Anyways, it kind of suprised me in a way. I was just being myself and I don't really walk around thinking everybody likes me or every chick wants me. I honestly just try and befriend everyone.
Today I was remembering what my date had said to me and started thinking about what it is that I'm doing in social situations.

1. Always smiling.

2. Express genuine excitement to see people I already know again.

3. Show genuine interest in other peoples lives.

4. Remember names and details about people.

5. Make people feel good about themselves. Compliments - "Hey great to see you! You're looking good tonight."

6. Don't talk negatively about others behind their backs.

7. Talk to strangers and make sure I tell them it was great meeting them. Shake a guy's hand and give the ladies hugs - if appropriate.

8. When I run into someone I haven't seen for awhile I jump right into a conversation as though I just talked to them yesterday. Many times people don't care to go into the formalities of "So how you been? What have you been up to?" I ask that stuff later.

9. Make introductions. People realize that I have many friends and I'm well liked. I introduce them to my other friends. It makes them feel good and part of the crowd.

10. Treat Everyone exactly the same. Treat them all as equals. That ugly chick or that nerdy looking guy standing by himself. The scary ass looking Goth guy or the red-neck hick. They are all JUST people.

Now the conversations you are going to have with all these types of people will all be very different. I am most definately NOT telling you to be something you are not just to make friends with these different people. ALWAYS be yourself. If that redneck hick says something that totally offends you - let it go. You won't agree with everyone and they won't always agree with you. Do not judge other people. They are just being themselves. Accept them for what they are. The differences are what makes the world go around.

So many people limit themselves in regards to who they interact with based on social stereotypes or looks. When you open yourself up to all kinds of people you won't believe how many people will be attracted to you. And we all know that attraction works with a snowball effect.

Its weird because none of this stuff is directly related to getting women. However, if you follow this advice I'm sure you'll find yourself more successful.

Slick.

 

[icepick]

Great tip!

The title is a bit misleading though. "Social Chameleon" kind of implys that you change yourself to fit in, but it seems like you do the opposite.

I find that the "social" thing is probably the most important thing when it comes to getting girls. If you are a social animal, you will NEVER EVER have a problem filling up how ever many 'girlfriend slots' that you need.

And for our 'evolutionist guys' out there, doesn't EVERYONE respect and admire the guy who is the life of the party? Wouldn't the girls want to MAKE MORE of that guy (by making babies with him)? Humans have been social pack animals for hundreds of thousands of years. Wouldn't it make sence for sexuality to choose the social guy with the community behind him rather than the outcast guy who the coummunity hates?

Who has the best chance of surviving? You, who everyone likes; or anyone else, who only thier select group likes?

Anyway, enough of that. But you did hit on what I consider to be the MOST IMPORTANT THING BY FAR in getting girls.

Being well known and popular has its benifits!

 

[jakethasnake]

You're basically doing the "Golden Boy" routine. I'm quite familiar with this.

Why? I used to be a MASTER at this, but it gets tiring after a while. All you have to do is just grab your balls and THROW yourself into a crowd, shaking hands, hugging, being very enthusiastic, etc. That's the easy part.


You see, deep down I'm actually an introvert, so after being an extrovert all night, I usually come back home and just slump in my bed, mentally exhausted. I find that I can't keep this stuff up 24-7. It comes easy enough for natural extroverts but for me, it was exhausting. I also felt a bit 'fake' being an extrovert when in fact I am introverted inside.


Any thoughts on this? I would appreciate it, it would help me sort out some things inside my head concerning my 'true self'.

 

[extravaganza]

I'm naturally introverted too. But I've been keeping up the golden boy routine (as you call it) for years now. You just need to have some time for yourself every now and then. that seems to help me.

And also. I'd rather come home exhausted then feeling like I could party on and on. It makes me sleep better.

Also. I you do this routine long enough it becomes part of you. I can't become as introverted as I was 6 years ago. I'll stay as extrovert as I made myself.

Remember. You aren't someone whose character is written in stone. It changes over the years and over the experiences you have.

 

[WatchMeWalk]

This thread reminds me of a friend I knew back in high school. He was one of the rare kids who got popular by treating everyone with unconditional respect, instead of putting others down to raise his own status.

 

[Slickster]

Originally posted by WatchMeWalk
This thread reminds me of a friend I knew back in high school. He was one of the rare kids who got popular by treating everyone with unconditional respect, instead of putting others down to raise his own status.

Exactly what I was getting at.

Even today I experience this.

Most of my friends are preppy kind of guys. They'll see me talking and laughing with some creepy ass looking punk downtown. They'll frown at me and say "How do you know that f*cking guy?"

I'll say "F*ck you he's a good friend of mine." They shake their heads and don't understand.

That same creepy ass punk and some of his buddies stood up for me one night at the bar when I was too drunk. Some Steroid raging freak wanted to kick my ass but my punker buddy and his friends saw to it that he left me alone.

Icepick : Yes the title Social Chameleon is a little misleading.
My thought was that people shouldn't change but rather blend into their environment socially.

Cheers.

 

[Superman X]

Sweet tip. I give you 5 stars.

 

[Zoso]

Awesome tip! 5 stars

Me: (Too many C+F opportunities. I couldn't hold off) "How do you know I don't have a few of them in the trunk?

Nice

 

[Mr. Mystery]

Very good tip.

Mr. Mystery

 

[chim_chim]

bump, this tip is gold

 

[dearsappho]

There was a song by Ian Brown (Unfinished Mokey Business album) with reference to social chameleons...dont think he likes them...

 

[Aycee]

I like this.

I don't like thinking of it as a tip, calling it a tip gives the idea that it's something you can try to get a result; instead of something you employ all the time.

If you're like this guy, this is just who you are; and it is so true!! I'm alot like this, and thinking about it I feel a much greater connection to guys who are also like this.

They're secure in themselves, they're confident, and they understand all people can be a little anxious, and welcoming them makes you look good, and even more important makes them feel good.

Why not make everyone feel good?

Peace to you,

 

[sapphire]

It is a type of social proof that impresses the ladies.

Not too long ago, I took a girl to a club where I happen to know some of the bouncers. Some of these guys are really tough and intimidating looking; certainly not the type of guys you would want to mess with.

Well to make the long story short, my date saw me greeting and getting hugs from all of these guys including a really big black dude as I was walking through the club.

She really seemed in awe in a positive way how I interacted with all of these guys and kept asking who they were. After we left the club I noticed she was more intrigued by me and we ended up going to my apartment for the night.

 

[Blowfish]

Dude that's nice man...
I couldn't agree with you more...

Respect others and they will respect you!
Just be friendly with people, there isn't any need for this bad a$$ I'm so tough talk here.

 

[skeeloo]

now sometimes being over friendly can make you seem desperate so beware.

 

[Bonhomme]

Social Charisma

Jolly good thread. Though I do agree with icepick that "chameleon" ain't quite right. I'd call it social charisma.

Five stars. I'd say it's 24-karat gold, but that would cheapen it. Bump!

*****

Skeelo, I know what you're trying to say, but the key is the difference between forcing yourself on people and developing your social circle naturally and becoming the charismatic man that so many like.

Although it is rather funny that I've observed one fellow in the scene here -- not a very attractive or naturally "cool" fellow, by any stretch -- who has forced himself on people, and over time, actually has gotten to the point where he has a lot of friends. His sincerity eventually won the day. The point of mentioning this being that it's better to mingle than not even if your natural social skills aren't all that great.

 

[FM 3321]

A+ advice. This is kinda like what I'm reading in the book "48-laws of power." The book is long but a very good read.

 

[john_1234]

this post reminds me of what juggler advises in his e-book and that is to be sincere and genuine w/ ALL people... not just hot girls. be social and chat it up w/ EVERYONE. because when you do this, it will actually be so much easier when you're chatting it up w/ a new girl face to face. this is something i overlooked at first.