Sober, now what?

[finickywake]

I don't drink. At least, not anymore. I never had a problem attracting women, and often repulsing them, when drinking - but both extremes evened each other out and I'd get laid enough. Often having girls pursue me. It really seemed to boil down to whether I'd eaten that day, and if I was drinking whiskey (I'd be a smooth talking maniac). If I mixed drinks or hadn't eaten I'd just be a ****faced *******.

My current circumstances and newfound necessary sobriety has me questioning whether or not I'll be meeting women with as much ease or frequency as before. More importantly, it has me wondering if women even will like me sober. My track record with women has always been get drunk, get together. I was in a relationship before signing up for this site, we broke up a few days ago, and she even said she liked me better drinking because I was "more romantic". Whatever that means.

What's strange is when I was drinking I had a fascination with only hooking up with girls who weren't drinking. I never really liked drunk girls. I liked what alcohol did for me in regards to socializing and confidence. However I was excessively unhealthy. I don't know why girls found me attractive. I had the body of a 14 year old cancer patient.

I still have confidence. Perhaps more, considering I am proud of my gains in the gym (45 pounds of muscle in 1 year), being the first time I've truly taken care of my body. However, I have zero motivation (or really any recollection of how) to socialize now that I'm sober. It's been over a year without a drink and I haven't made a single friend. I recently left an unhealthy relationship. I'm basically a tabula rasa and I've lurked here randomly over the years, figured now's a better time than ever to join and see if any advice can be offered.

And if this is the wrong place or forum, let me know a better place to post. Thanks.

 

[NewToTheGame]

Man, its just gonna be a work in progress for awhile. I quit doing drugs and didn't feel like myself for a couple years. I actually became a bit of a drunk afterwards, and only in the last six months have stopped going out to bars. It just takes time and a positive attitude. The details will fall in place.

Quick advice: find, resume a hobby that has social interaction. Doesn't matter if there are women there. All that matters is that you are genuinely passionate and somewhat good at it. This will give you opportunity to meet guys and girls and form a social circle. There are a lot of things to do besides drinking.

You are doing a lot of things right. Congratulations on the gym gains. Take some time every now and then to reflect on how far you've come. Think about some of the ****ed up things that you did and laugh at yourself for them.

 

[finickywake]

Congrats on quitting doing drugs. I quit those too. Opioid dependence coupled with alcoholism was wreaking havoc on my well-being beyond description.

I've considered, or thought about the hobby thing. I play music, write, and draw. But those are all introverted activities for me. I don't know where to start really. I was thinking maybe a beach volleyball meetup or something similar.

Tonight I'm going to go to a young people's AA meeting (I haven't been to AA in about a year) and see if I can at least introduce myself to some people there.

I also would like to ask how soon after a breakup does this forum recommend seeing other women? Should I give myself like a month before I even consider it and in the meantime work on finding a hobby/activities?

Thanks for the responses.

 

[Don-Kong]

Drinking and gaming creates a false self. A drunk and confident self who is comfortable.
Destroy your comfort zone completely, do things that aggravate any anxiety.
I've been out recently not drinking and smashing my comfort zone, it leads to big rewards. Besides, its easy being out when others are drinking. After the initial freak out, you soak up the vibes of everyone else and its easy to be open with drunk people anyway. Drinking for confidence is illusory and deceptive.