So, the ex wants to be 'friends'...plus, some other sh*t

[cactus3178]

I've said it before, I'll say it again: I've about had it with this b*tch. Against the advice I've gotten here, I actually tried to be civil to her, just trying to make friendly conversation, etc...Made the mistake of asking her if she was mad at me, and she goes off on this f*cking tangetnt about how she doesn't want to talk about 'us'....All I did was ask her if she was mad. I never brought anything about 'us' up.

She says she wants to be friends, and that if anything is to ever work out between us again, we have to be friends first (bet nobody's ever heard that one).

Thing is, she doesn't act like she wants to be friendly. She'll call all her other friends and her cousin to go out to the bars on the weekends, but not call me. I talked to my friend tonight (and her cousin), and they said she wanted them to drive 3 hours to come hang out in some beer garden at a fair with her where she's hanging with her family (and my daughter, whom she insisted on taking for a week). Never a phone call to me do do jack sh*t. I'm about close to f*cking giving up on this girl. Maybe it truly is a f*cked, no-win situation. Funny enough, her friends tell me she still loves me....she's got a damn funny wau of showing it. Hardly give me the time of f*cking day.

Anyhow, two questions:

1). Should I even let my daughter hang out with my ex?...It seems problematic, and I almost think it will just add to the stress in the long run.

2). If she wants to be friends so bad, why is she always snubbing me, saying "we'll see" if I ask her if she wants to do something, then doing stuff with others?

I don't get this, but obviously, I'm having a hard time letting go of her.

 

[KiInCollege]

If I were in your position, I would cut off all contact with her. Let her wonder if you're over her and looking for new women.

The daughter...well, it's up to her if she wants to hang out with your ex.

But, stick with the "no initiating anymore contact" plan, and hell, maybe you will meet up with a better women. That may be more likely than your ex getting her act together. People don't change easily - this won't be the last time if you get back together.

 

[CLOONEY]

Cactus.

Why does she want to be friends so bad? She doesnt!! She is just being polite!

NO CONTACT, stick with it (even if that means your daughter cant see her or hang out with her)! This is to keep your sanity which is obviously disappearing as I type!

No more advice to offer on this ongoing saga. You know what you gotta do, now dig deep and do it!

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

No contact. Period.

After a few weeks, she'll wonder why she doesnt have your n*ts in her grasp anymore and will try really hard to initiate contact with you. She'll offer lunch, dinner, and probably start talking about old times and how she misses you...BLEH...don't fall for it. As soon as she know's you still have feelings for her, she'll revert to her b*tch side....trust me...women love doing this sh*t and AFC's are always fast to oblige because of that disease called one-itis.

As for your daughter...I dont know how old she is, or how much time she spent hangin around your ex, but if the ex isn't your daughter's actual mother, I think cutting contact with the ex should also be accomplished. Even if the ex GF uses your daughter for bait (I miss little "so and so" daughter of yours, why are you hiding her from me..etc).

Kids bounce back from that stuff. I'm sure your daughter may miss your ex GF too...but...keeping that line of communication isn't healthy for you right now. Maybe a few months down the road (and a few more women in your bedroom down the road) so you can really squash those feelings about the ex.

Yea, sounds like you're in a tough spot..but we've been there. Stop the communicaton...stop letting her have the feeling of superiority over you...soo she didnt invite you out for drinks with her friends? then f*ck it!! hit the gym..work out hard..buy some nice clothes..call up the fellas and hit the town.

 

[GuitarMatt]

You aren't good enough to be her boyfriend, but you have the priviledge of being her "friend?!" Screw that. She wants to have her cake and eat it too, lead you on perhaps with this promise of rebuilding things. Dude, I would even dare to venture that the "friends" proposal is a lie because if she took you seriously she would be scared that you'd find someone else thus ruining your little chance at earning back her trust.

She gets the benefit of showing new men that she meet that she is so desirable that her little doggie, I mean ex-boyfriend, will still chase her when she offers a meaningless "Lets just be friends" arrangement.

I'd get out for good, she'll never take you seriously again.

Matt

 

[cactus3178]

Hehe. I gotta go pick up my little girl from her house this evening....I'm gonna resist the urge to tell her a bunch of sh*t and leave. Frankly, I doubt she cares what I have to say at this point, but I really wish I could turn the tables and have her chasing me....if not for any reason othet than to get the last laugh.

Action speaketh louder than words, eh?

Man, I need to grow a pair when it comes to this girl. Thanks for the (many) advices, especially to those who know my f*cked up situation.

I seriously expected PRL and/or JT to come in here to rip me a new one (again).

 

[squirrels]

DUMP HER. How long are you going to continue to abuse yourself by trying to get back with her, as a friend OR a lover?? Yeah, that's right. YOU are doing this to YOURSELF.

As far as the kid, if she left it with you, you keep it. If she wants time with it she can sue for custody.

It's OVER. That is what she's trying to tell you but doesn't have the heart or balls to say. You and her are OVER. When she says "friends" she means you and her not being p!ssed off at each other. That is going to be the extent of your relationship from now on and there is nothing you can do about it. Plain English...she doesn't want to know you any more.

Right now the most important things are you and your daughter. Start acting like it.

 

[WaterTiger]

WITH YOUR CHILD????? WTF ARE YOU THINKING????

Cactus! PLEASE listen to me!
How many times must we go over this? This woman is evil... poison... and treats you like fresh dog crap that got stuck to the bottom of her Italian leather shoes. Is this woman who you want to be a role model for your child?

You let your daughter go visit with her? ALONE? What sick twisted lies is she whispering in your little girl's ears? You spent a hell of a lot of money getting custody. Don't waste it. You wouldn't let your little girl stay with a known pedophile, don't let her stay with a woman who will damage her mind and sense of values either.

I've told you three times about this sadistic b!tch. CUT ALL CONTACT! DO NOT SPEAK TO HER! AVOID HER! CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER!

And for the love of everything holy...KEEP YOUR LITTLE GIRL AWAY FROM HER!

...Sorry I yelled...You're driving me nuts with this Cactus. Please listen to us....PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by cactus3178
I've said it before, I'll say it again: I've about had it with this b*tch. Against the advice I've gotten here, I actually tried to be civil to her...She says she wants to be friends, and that if anything is to ever work out between us again, we have to be friends first (bet nobody's ever heard that one).

Thing is, she doesn't act like she wants to be friendly. /B]

Why let your daughter 'hang' around a conniving 'bytch'??

The hell with 'friends first' bulllshyt - no such thing - she is trying to control the agenda! Men control the agenda and only desperate men who have none or few options would let a woman dictate to him and accept her wishes!!

If she doesn't 'act' friendly then why do you want her as a friend?? Are you desperate, lonely????