So she said "i love you"

[Taun_Juan]

Hey guys, i been in a LDR with this girl for about 4 months now. I meet her when i was on a business trip in another state. We hit it off really well. Well i have decided about a month or so ago im going to go down to her state and live with her. This is the first relationship i have ever been in. im 25 btw. Im sorta afc and so is she. When she told me she loved me, i was in total shock, i really didn't expect it, but i meant it. And siad i love her. Now the relationship is getting real deep. And i plan on maybe down the road marrying this woman. But i have a few questions on relationships.

1) I make her feel special, and when i tell her these things she says im gonna make her cry. How should i react/reply?

2) She drinks wine/daceries time to time, im a non drinker how should i react to her getting tipsy?

3) Im an afc guy by heart, she seems to like afc guys, she doesn't like players, just a sweet genuine guy. So should i remain afc or try and change my image?

4) Any pointers on how to be really romantic the first night im with her?

Im just rambling on, help me out guys, this is the first time i been in love and i want it to last. Any tip would be appriciative. No negative comments please.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

Originally posted by Taun_Juan
Hey guys, i been in a LDR with this girl for about 4 months now.

That's all I need to know.

 

[Qmanchoo]

Why? Because life only works one way for you? I know 3 ppl off hand that met, moved to, and married from meeting someone LDR over the net and they are very happy with the lives they lead. It's CERTAINLY not for everyone, but it can work.

This may or may not be one of those cases, but context is everything. In order to properly reply to this I'd have to understand this girl and since I don't get girls like this I'm only going to go as far as saying...she likes what you're doing but just don't over do it so she stops appreciate it...

The whole crying over the comments you make is a real red flag though. That screams emotional damage. Missed a few hugs as a kid? But then again you both seem to be on a similar wave length.

 

[Taun_Juan]

Well she had a rough child hood, just like myself so yea, their is emontional damage there. But we can relate on that topic, because we both been through the same tough childhood. Keep the replys comming.

 

[frivolousz21]

hey I was abused as a child....and my only side affect has been trusting people.


its currently come up 2 times with my current gf and both times..not a good thing..

try ur hardest to deprogram your mind from you childhood..which is hard to do...infact unless you were abused you have no idea how hard it id to let go of that pain.

but it can be done..or controlled... good luck with that.

as for her..just dont be a pushover and ur fine.

 

[frivolousz21]

The whole crying over the comments you make is a real red flag though. That screams emotional damage. Missed a few hugs as a kid? But then again you both seem to be on a similar wave length.

did your father kick the fyck out of you and try rapping you when you were 5 yrs old?

if not I wouldnt even try to be remotely funny about it.

 

[Taun_Juan]

Actually my dad murdered my mother when i was younger. I grew up with little emotion is why i ask these questions. And she gre up with foster parents.

 

[frivolousz21]

that some serious shyt...I hope you find peace with that..and I wish you the best

 

[Qmanchoo]

No actually I had a great childhood and that obviously touched a nerve with you due to your admitted past. You shouldn't take it personally as it was obviosuly not my intention to insult you, you're simply responding in a "That's not something to be laughed at becasue it's horrible!" way...in the same way that people that grew up with mentally retarted family members hate jokes about retarted people, where if you look at comedians like Carlos Mencia most of his material is making fun of retarted people and a huge crowd loves his material.

Just like making a (for instance) asian joke in front of another asian about stupid asians, he'll immidately take offence to it because "you're insulting my people!" to which I'd reply... not **** jacakss and if you met this stupid asian ******* you'd make fun of him just like both you and i would make fun of a stupid american ******* too, becasue there are plenty to go around!

Ya dig?

Anyway, don't project yoru past on others, last time I checked you were the one preaching abotu forgetting it. You can make a joke out of anything nnd in fact horrific things often make the best humor, but you'll have lovers and haters of it.

I got that line from Chris Rocks "Never Scared" comedy hour actually, which was pretty damn funny, check it out sometime.

 

[frivolousz21]

man your right.

and when something stings it stings.

but if you let things go....it wouldnt hurt and you wouldnt be offended..like I get offended in that situation..but at the same time there is a line between being respectful and dis-respectful..and you didnt cross it.

 

[Qmanchoo]

wow. I was expecting a much more defensive reply. Sounds like you've really tried hard to change in the past. Props there man. (don't want to hijack this guys thead)

I'm going to speculate so take my words with a grain of salt.

Taun_Juan - I really don't like giving advice on this situation, but it really sounds like this girl has been mistrated and disrespected because she's never had a real mother and father that truly care for her (think about foster care in reality), and here you come along willing to share yourself with her emotioanlly and she's feeling things she's never felt for someone and interprets those feelings as love. Since you two are at a distance (and distance always makes the heart grow fonder if "love and attraction" are sparked) a longing is building inside hrr to meet you, when you guys meet up she's going to feel pretty powerfully about you in a "meant to be" kinda way.

My point here is that If you words already make her cry you probably wont have to do a LOT on the romantic end. A little food on a patio with candles and romantic music at night...with a little converastion mixed in...would probably do it.

Just make sure your opinion and perspective never goes down the path of the wuss boy because deep down inside she's still a woman and want's a _MAN_ not a girly man or a boy. That does not mean "pound your chest and be alpha macho!" just means don't suplicate to her to such a degree that you become a doormat. As wyldfire mentined in her post today...the balance is key. I only say that because highly emotional situations like this can turn a man into a bowl of jello sometimes.

 

[frivolousz21]

Just make sure your opinion and perspective never goes down the path of the wuss boy because deep down inside she's still a woman and want's a _MAN_ not a girly man or a boy.

he is right.
you can show her your emotions..but you have to also show you have the power to control them.

 

[Taun_Juan]

Thanks for te replys guys, ya know im confident everything will work out for me. Just i usually always over analyis all situations, and think of the worse case scenerio. In the past i have always been a negative thinker, because all or my friends/peers were also negative, so it grew on me. When i meet her everything changed to me, mentally. So im not just moving out there for her, ( but mainly) but for myself. I need a change in my life, get away from all the negative people in my life. I can already see my confidence, and self-esteem raising. Thanks guys, keep the replys comming.