So she just admitted to cheating on me.

that_guy_3301

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15 year relationship. We were "married" or we refereed to one another as husband and wife. 4 children. She got mad and moved out 2 weeks ago. She started the relationship back in sept. She has confirmed that she had sex with him. I read rational male, and just finished preventative care so I was ready for this hypergamy. Im 37 shes 35.

So what I want to know is what do I do now? Can I realistically get a legal separation and take the house from her?
Since I am a stay at home Dad can I get child support or alimony?

Thanks guys.
 
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princelydeeds

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You need to lawyer up ASAP...
 

glass half full

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A good lawyer, they can tell you what your chances of custody are. Different in every state, not sure if you're in the U.S.

They can assist you or advise you on any questions you have, and all the fine points. Make a list of all your concerns and present them.
 

that_guy_3301

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I was going to lawyer up as soon as she left, and she messaged me crying. Ashamed, upset about what this was going to do to our children. I didn't want to admit it to myself, so I walked away from the building. I should have gone in. Like Rollo says trust your gut always.
 

logicallefty

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The closest person in your life just became your worst enemy. Now, you have to FIGHT and focus on preservation of yourself, and getting the time with your kids that you want. But you must do it very tactfully.

- Listen to @princelydeeds above and get a lawyer, unless you are well versed on law and the legal system

- File for divorce before she does, request 50/50 of the kids or full custody if you want that.

- Minimal communication with her. But what you MUST have with her do it via to Email, text, FB, etc. NOTHING verbal unless it's in front of your lawyer.

- If talking to her, never get emotional and never cuss. Be firm but not confrontational. If she keeps hammering you over this issue or that issue say "We will have to agree to disagree on that for right now until we can discuss it with our lawyers"

- Start gathering any possible niblet of evidence you can regarding her cheating, her character/general demeanor, anything incriminating she may have said in writing like a text in the past that may help you. Gather it all and print it out.

- Before you talk to the lawyer have a written plan, 1-2 pages, if issues you want to discuss and what your goals are in the divorce. Kids? House? Any hot item in the house she may fight you for? Retirement? Etc. Be ready with your position on all that.

I'm not a lawyer OK, but I am a cop and have been through 1.5 marriage/divorces (yes 1.5, and some crazy sh|t). Her moving out 2 weeks ago is in your favor. Now you should have an easier time keeping the house since she moved out already and established that she no longer wanted to live there. This may not guarantee you the house but it will help you.

Any specific questions, shoot them to us. There are at least 1-2 actual lawyers on here who may be able to help more.
 
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RickTheToad

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Hmm.. See a lawyer, because you'll need to pay for child support. No alimony unless you are officially married or in the dozen or so common law states. Just remember, the lady you met and fell "in love with" is not the same on you are dealing with now. Whatever you do, do not take her back. No emotional responses, just keep the texts or calls for child matters only. If she become erratic or violent, consider filing a TRO.
 

that_guy_3301

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I'm in WA state, I am a stay at home Dad who homeschools. I have very limited income from Social Security.
 

Dash Riprock

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I was in a 9 year relationship and we lived together for 6 of the 9 years. We NEVER called each other husband and wife (why the f*uck did you agree to that?). So when we broke up, she packed her s*hit, took her stuff, I watched. Done and gone. We had no kids, just a big Doberman which I kept. The whole ordeal cost me exactly $0.00. Oh, wait she took the salad tongs that weren't hers so I guess I lost $5-6.

The point I'm making is DON'T fall for her crying emotional BS. She f*ucking cheated on you and it was HER choice. If it were me, I would make her PROVE you were both common law married. Some states don't even recognize it. One of the constants of a bona fide common law marriage is calling each other husband and wife. I STILL cannot understand why you did that. THAT's what might F you over. Still, make her prove it.

Get tough and DON'T cave. Be a man.
 

Spaz

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All valid advices above by everyone.

I would however like to add this; before taking any concrete action towards her I'd advocate you take action on yourself by yourself and with yourself 1st - get a job !

It essentially means getting empowerment to be in a position of power.

Without power (as in jobless with limited resources) you're limiting yourself to better things in life or better choices.

Don't put up with a cheating gf or "wife" - it never ever does work out well for the man. NEVER.

Dump her.

Put yourself in the market even if it means working in McDonald's as a cook and then get some night classes on some trade craftsmanship - repairing/servicing air conditioning units is a handy trade.

Think wisely before you act - think a few steps ahead.
 
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Chev.Chelios

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I'm in as wa as well..

had a child with a bpd a while ago, lost custody do to false allegations.

only way thru it is to renounce yourself as a man in modern society. throw away your duty as a father/husband, get rid of that self image like the plague, let your kids go, let monogamy go.

flat out don't give a flying fvck about anyone but yourself.

depending on how conditioned you are, losing custody of your kids will make the strongest most valiant of men commit suicide.

just assume by being a male with kids, means you have virtually no rights or say about anything and the women will do and get away with anything she wants.

flip the script on hers and societys azz.
leave, walk away, give her anything she wants, give her the kids, money, assets, child support you name it.

treat divorce with kids just as you would if you were a business owner getting sued for a ton of money.

it's basically the same thing.

the devil of a paradox out of all this is when she understands how much of a ruthless bastrd you are she WILL end up behaving like a decent human again and well start begging for you back. so funny how this works.

women have a thing about attacking men in the core of his fvcking heart. they have a thing about sticking a rusty knife into your soul and twisting it, while blaming you for their problems.

theirs nothing worse that can happen to man spiritually then getting his kids ripped away, and being objectified while in the process.

it really amazes me still how women get off on destroying a man's pride. while blaming him at the same time.. with the government backing her up.

you're going to have to learn a whole new set of paradigms that goes contrary to the main stream belief systems.

read sex at dawn, the wisdom of psychopaths, sperm wars, and read everything you can about the history of religifon and sexual shame.

society is largely Catholic/Christian and that influence and conditioning led you to these problems and you don't even know it.

the rational male makes since and all but it's still scratching the surface. the book didn't do alot for me tbh. theirs alot more deeper things at play, trust me.

coming from a guy who suffered 3 years of bpd abuse divorce, lost my child, tons of money, felt the evil shame of society and pulled out of it happier with the best dating life I've ever had.

<3
 

mrgoodstuff

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I'm in as wa as well..

had a child with a bpd a while ago, lost custody do to false allegations.

only way thru it is to renounce yourself as a man in modern society. throw away your duty as a father/husband, get rid of that self image like the plague, let your kids go, let monogamy go.

flat out don't give a flying fvck about anyone but yourself.

depending on how conditioned you are, losing custody of your kids will make the strongest most valiant of men commit suicide.

just assume by being a male with kids, means you have virtually no rights or say about anything and the women will do and get away with anything she wants.

flip the script on hers and societys azz.
leave, walk away, give her anything she wants, give her the kids, money, assets, child support you name it.

treat divorce with kids just as you would if you were a business owner getting sued for a ton of money.

it's basically the same thing.

the devil of a paradox out of all this is when she understands how much of a ruthless bastrd you are she WILL end up behaving like a decent human again and well start begging for you back. so funny how this works.

women have a thing about attacking men in the core of his fvcking heart. they have a thing about sticking a rusty knife into your soul and twisting it, while blaming you for their problems.

theirs nothing worse that can happen to man spiritually then getting his kids ripped away, and being objectified while in the process.

it really amazes me still how women get off on destroying a man's pride. while blaming him at the same time.. with the government backing her up.

you're going to have to learn a whole new set of paradigms that goes contrary to the main stream belief systems.

read sex at dawn, the wisdom of psychopaths, sperm wars, and read everything you can about the history of religifon and sexual shame.

society is largely Catholic/Christian and that influence and conditioning led you to these problems and you don't even know it.

the rational male makes since and all but it's still scratching the surface. the book didn't do alot for me tbh. theirs alot more deeper things at play, trust me.

coming from a guy who suffered 3 years of bpd abuse divorce, lost my child, tons of money, felt the evil shame of society and pulled out of it happier with the best dating life I've ever had.

<3
How long after that situation until you were a successful dater? One of our other members said he tried with a 8.5 right off and she was too much of an issue but he did 18 months with 6-7's who submitted to him. After that 18 months he could date up as high as hed like.
 
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lamath

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I was in a 9 year relationship and we lived together for 6 of the 9 years. We NEVER called each other husband and wife (why the f*uck did you agree to that?). So when we broke up, she packed her s*hit, took her stuff, I watched. Done and gone. We had no kids, just a big Doberman which I kept. The whole ordeal cost me exactly $0.00. Oh, wait she took the salad tongs that weren't hers so I guess I lost $5-6.

The point I'm making is DON'T fall for her crying emotional BS. She f*ucking cheated on you and it was HER choice. If it were me, I would make her PROVE you were both common law married. Some states don't even recognize it. One of the constants of a bona fide common law marriage is calling each other husband and wife. I STILL cannot understand why you did that. THAT's what might F you over. Still, make her prove it.

Get tough and DON'T cave. Be a man.
Crying is a very good manipulative tool for women.
I got caught many time.
 

lamath

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If he dont have a job and she was the primary earner he can ask for an alimony if im not mistaken
Make her pay then ask for either full or shared custody

He was sacrificing his carreer to take care of the kids and the house
 
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that_guy_3301

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Guys I want to win in court, but I also really want to find a woman for sex like as soon as possible. What do I do? Should I start dating now, or wait till the court battle is over? Is there anyway that can come back in my face?
 

glass half full

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Find an escort occasionally, out of town. Get a room, or if she does in calls, go to her. (the escort)
 

FMCSMT

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As someone who went through this and survived:

1. Never leave the home
2. Implement equal parenting time immediately
3. Non compliance of parenting time on her end must be accounted for, use compensatory parenting time laws in your state
4. Speak to her ONLY via email.
5. Record any and all conversations- Airplane Mode On, Voice recorder on
6. Let her file. You answer and counter petition. If her petition says “sole custody” your answer and counter says “sole custody”. Tit for tat. Do not back down.
7. She is dead to you. Gone. Buried. Sorry for your loss (gain).
8. Type up a story 1-3 pages, talk only about your role as a parent. Leave emotion completely out. This will be your evidence. This is the end all be all.
9. If legal counsel tells you you won’t get something, fire them immediately. They are your employee and must do what you say.
10. Never let the police in and shut up. Say nothing. Don’t answer the door.

You can win. I did. Kept the house and everything. She had money to fight too. I don’t care if you have to walk into a courtroom to get it done.
 

FMCSMT

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11. Don’t date. It only makes things worse. Your focus is you first, your children second.

The women you will yield if you don’t have your stuff together are the very bottom feeders, like a bullhead or carp fish. Disgusting.

Handle business, then score the trout, bass, pike, or walleye.
 

Spaz

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11. Don’t date. It only makes things worse. Your focus is you first, your children second.

The women you will yield if you don’t have your stuff together are the very bottom feeders, like a bullhead or carp fish. Disgusting.

Handle business, then score the trout, bass, pike, or walleye.
When shiet hits the fan, a man needs to regroup, reassess and come out of it better then before.

Good advice @FMCSMT
 
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