So my Dad called me a "monster." Need some guidance

[brosnake]

I need some guidance. My parents just sat me down for a come-to-jesus meeting.

My dad told me he doesn’t agree with the way I treat women. He thinks its wrong I don’t pay for the first date (I do pay for the first date but only if the girl offers to split the bill). He told me I was an arrogant a$$hole and I think I’m better than everybody. This couldn’t be further from the truth, I’m just trying to find a girl that likes me for me and not what I can buy her. I am a follower of AD’s machine. He told me he was disappointed in me and that I’m an unemotional monster. This hurts coming from your dad. Even tho he is the biggest AFC you guys will ever meet, I still respect his opinions because well, he’s my dad. I really do my best to treat everyone around me fairly and kindly. I’m just trying to live the best life I can at this very moment and I respect the right for everyone else to do the same.

He also admonished me for not saving my money and being irresponsible with my funds. Now this is partly true. The day I got my job I leased a brand new Mercedes. Now, I can afford my car but it just eats up a lot of money every month. He has never had a nice car in his life, nor does he appreciate cars like I do (I really love my autos) so I don’t feel like he understands where I’m coming from. He sees it just as a status symbol (which makes me an even bigger prick).

I probably made a mistake in getting a car that was at the very outer edge of my price range but at the time I figured I was only 21 once and I wanted the sick car now rather than 50 years down the line. I will have little savings by the time I’m 24 (I’m 22 now) but I plan on getting a much less expensive car when the lease is up on my Mercedes and save a few more bucks. Now this point will be moot if my business takes off in next few years but I still haven’t told my parents about my side business for reasons beyond the scope of this post (check out the home page link in my profile if you want to learn more about it).

This talk I had with my parents comes at a time when I really started to feel like I had a lot of things figured out. My professional career is going strong, I have a couple of really awesome LTRs, I have way way more friends than I have time, and I was seeing my parents twice a week. I can honestly say I am happier now than at any point in my life prior. I’m really loving life right now but this meeting got me to think about where I can improve and I’m still not sure. I want to live my life my way, but my parents are telling me that’s a selfish attitude. In The Way of the Superior Man, the author has a chapter entitled, “Live As If Your Father Was Dead” maybe I should take that advice...

Can anybody give me some clarity here?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Do you live with them or on your own?

 

[Desdinova]

So my Dad called me a "monster."

Tell him I called him a controlling a55hole

He told me he was disappointed in me and that I’m an unemotional monster. This hurts coming from your dad.

Okay, you're 22 years old and I'm not going to give you the sugar-coated answer everyone gives about parents. Now that you're going to see your parents for who they really are, and it ain't gonna be pretty.

My dad has told me he's disappointed in me many times. If anything, I'm disappointed in his attitude toward his own son. He needs to let his son make his own mistakes and learn from them.

The truth is, you no longer have to obey everything your parents say. The only things that apply are things that pertain to you living under their roof (rent, visiting friends). If you're not living under their roof, you are no longer under their supervision or control.

I still respect his opinions because well, he’s my dad.

I quit respecting my dad's opinions years ago because they made no sense.

I can honestly say I am happier now than at any point in my life prior.

When you reach this point, you need to start eliminating the negative influences in your life. Unfortunately, your parents are related by blood, so you can't eliminate them. You can, however, stand up for yourself. If that doesn't work, pull back on the attention you give them.

I want to live my life my way, but my parents are telling me that’s a selfish attitude.

That's not logic talking, that's religion. There's nothing wrong with being genuinely happy. That's something only you can provide, but others can subtract from it.

What it boils down to is people in general hate change, including your parents. They want you to remain a child who obeys what they say. You're growing into your adult skin which is requiring change, and they don't like it. That's their problem to deal with, not yours.

Here's a question.... A friend of yours is asking for $20 every week, and you give it to him. He spends it on alcohol and weed. Now, if you quit giving him that $20 a week and he calls you selfish, is he right?

 

[Skel]

My personal opinion is to respect your parents. You dont have to agree with them but atleast pretend you do and nod and say your sorry then go on living your life.

 

[brosnake]

I live on my own.

 

[italostud]

Who gives a shyt what they think? Sounds like you've got things going well for yourself. Perhaps your father is secretly jealous of you, or perhaps he just has a very narrow-minded view of how a person should act in this day and age.

Whatever it is, it's your life and you have to live it, so make your own decisions. Genuinely listen and pay attention to the advice of others, some advice is good, some bad, but the most important part is that everyone else THINKS you care what they're saying. Don't burn bridges by being an arrogant ass, just listen when they speak, pretend to be contemplating what they said, then say "Hmmm, that's very interesting, you make some good points". Then go on doing whatever you were doing before. The advice giver, in this case your father, won't feel snubbed, and you'll avoid a bunch of drama.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Just withdraw your attention, and your Dad will probably apologize. They are lucky that they get to see you at all. Your life is none of their business if they are not supporting you financially.

 

[Desdinova]

Don't burn bridges by being an arrogant ass, just listen when they speak, pretend to be contemplating what they said, then say "Hmmm, that's very interesting, you make some good points". Then go on doing whatever you were doing before.

This is golden I do this all the time with my parents. I just go along with whatever they're saying, and then discard it when they're done. It can get irritating sometimes though.

 

[Holland]

Dude. You're 22, you're responsible for your own actions. Tell him that.

I don't see why you are being selfish. You are living life on your terms and enjoying it. You are rarely a burden to anyone by being sad, annoying or irritating towards someone else because you know how to enjoy life. That's the least selfish thing you can do. YOUR DAD on the other hand IS a burden towards you. By throwing all his AFC, religious BS your way and saying that you should be a emotional wussbag.

Come on, you know better than that. A MAN isn't someone who gets emotional, kisses ass and lets people control him.

If he really makes a big deal about it I would tell him that why you do these things and if he don't wanna listen then you are done talking.


BTW:
I feel sorry for your mom.

 

[flippinfreak]

From experience, I can sy both everybody who's responded to this thread is correct. So is your father though. You may have a mind like Desdinova where you stare and nod than throw everything out the window... or you can respect them like Skel said.

I only see the two points though, unemotional pr!ck and a spendthrift punk. Don't see how your dad would have ANY knowledge of the two, but hey, it's only you who really knows. I have both problems, and my dad has never said anything to me.

So, how does your dad know about these things?

Are you making payments with your car and NOT being what your father accused you of concerning money?

Why would your dad feel as though you are an "unemotional" monster, instead of simply a hardened criminal type monster?

btw, that book you mentioned, "The way of the superior man" What are some tips in the chapter you mentioned?

 

[oakraiderz2]

My personal opinion is to respect your parents. You dont have to agree with them but atleast pretend you do and nod and say your sorry then go on living your life.

So he should apologize even though he did nothing wrong? Jealousy is a b!tch.

 

[Nighthawk]

Tell the cops he fiddled with your diddly, see how he likes them apples.

 

[Skilla_Staz]

Lmao.

 

[OfficeSpace]

My dad is kinda the same way bro. I'm just waiting till go to college so I can be on my own. Anything I do; hobbies, interests, they're just stupid or a waste of time according to him. After hopefully finishing pre-med/Registered Nursing (not sure what I'm going to take yet), I will be on my own and will be responsible for my self morally and financially.

I have been told by him, "I consider you as my failure." Harsh words for any son to hear. I just hope that when I become a parent that I will try to be supportive of my kids.

Like you I enjoy my life and I am happy with who I am and what I have done in my life. I do not drink, smoke, or do any drugs. I try to be respectful to people around me, yet it does not seem good enough for my dad.

You are in your 20's bro, you are responsible for yourself now. Just respect what they say, you don't have to obey them since you're not living with them, and you're on your own now. But at least give them the respect they need as parents.

 

[ShizamDaMan]

Thing is, if a dad thinks his son isn't following in his exact footsteps, he'll sort of consider it a failure.

Take my dad. I was always on honor role, had a 4.0+ GPA, was inducted into National Honors Society without applying, got a scholarship for full instate tuition, and he still thinks I slack off real bad. We have never really seen eye to eye, and I've heard I'm a failure a lot.

Does it bother me? Yeah, some. But I mean it drives me to really kick ass. Someday when I'm rich and famous and making millions with minimal effort, maybe he'll see how awesome I've become.

My mom has kind of told me to be more of a gentleman, but then again she knows nothing of the girls I rolled with in high school and my first year of college. It's probably best that way. I've just seen too many of my friends burned by girls because they gave into AFCness and let their guard down, so to speak. I may not have had many LTR's or girlfriends, but I have never let myself be hurt and never let anyone else control my happiness.

It's lonely at the top bro. Once you realize that, things will be better. I promise.

 

[flippinfreak]

Does it bother me? Yeah, some. But I mean it drives me to really kick ass. Someday when I'm rich and famous and making millions with minimal effort, maybe he'll see how awesome I've become.

Think your dad abuses the awareness radius thing and your just playing into his hands?

Another way to say that... think you dad planned it that way?

He calls you a failure, so you can prove him wrong?

 

[Holland]

Tell the cops he fiddled with your diddly, see how he likes them apples.

:crackup: :crackup:

 

[ShizamDaMan]

Think your dad abuses the awareness radius thing and your just playing into his hands?

Another way to say that... think you dad planned it that way?

He calls you a failure, so you can prove him wrong?

Of course he wants me to succeed. However, I don't think berating my hobbies and personality traits, never once providing support or encouragement, and failing to recognize any of my accomplishments was planned. If anything, it perpetuates a self-fulfilling prophecy (being told you suck, thinking you suck, actually sucking).

It was never about proving to anyone what I can and can't do, I've always wanted to do things for myself cause I know I'm capable. I would have done just as good with a bit of positive reinforcement, or perhaps even better. Even if my pop pulls a 180 and says "Great job son I always knew you could do it!" I'm still going to be like "Thanks *sshole," and tell him to f*ck off.

 

[Chillisauce]

Its threads like these which make me realise how well off i am. More supportive parents i couldnt ask for. They paid for my private school education when they couldnt afford it, let me make my own mistakes but were always there to help me pick up the peices. They kick arse.

 

[( . )( . )]

My dad told me he doesn’t agree with the way I treat women. He thinks its wrong I don’t pay for the first date (I do pay for the first date but only if the girl offers to split the bill). He told me I was an arrogant a$$hole and I think I’m better than everybody.

EXCELLENT. This is GOOD news.

Unfortunately you becoming aware of and breaking through the society matrix, doesnt sit well with friends, co-workers and family.
Alot of them probably mean well but dont know any better.

Keep it up bro, I personally would love to have a chat like that with my dad but hes fvcked more chicks than me so I probably wouldnt have a leg to stand on, but back in his day there were alot more "ladies" I guess and some possibly deserved "chivalry" and all that old school bollocks.

edit: 22 is a bit old to be having those "parental talks" I think though mate.