Just want to rant. Not sure where to start.. Probably the usual story as other guys, got dumped by the first gf, went into depression, grew a ***** and put her on a pedestal... Now trying to re-grow my ****.
I am from a small city in a South Asian country now residing in a western country... I have been living away from my parents from 16. My parent's marriage was never smooth. My city was really small, traditional with no night clubs/life.. I was never interested in dancing/clubbing.. I was quite interested in sports, and did well in my studies as well.
After my schooling, I got a scholarship to study in a western country and I moved there. I used to work on fridays and all weekends to supplement my income so never went out with my friends.. I had friends with similar south asian origin who also worked with me. I had a gf so life was great. I was the topper in my batch and got a great job in a small consultancy company with a really good salary.
I then had the breakup on Sep 7th 2007. She said she wanted to leave. I was devastated. I also started a new job and performed well. Then came the financial crisis. My company didn't survive and I lost my job. I wasn't experienced enough to get a job during those times, but wasn't considered young enough to apply for graduate roles. Thanks to my ex colleague I got another job. There weren't that many girls of south asian origin in my city. My language skills and culture are not that developed to attract a local girl.
But I feel like I am capable of much more that I currently am. I studied and passed a few certifications. I worked out and have become quite toned. I applied for other jobs and have enrolled as an Officer in the military. I joined salsa classes and made some friends there.
But every weekend, I feel lonely. I check my phone, check my email every half an hour even though I know that no one is going to respond. I lose my motivation to do anything, I get really depressed. All my other friends are married, and my house mate works at nights and weekends. I feel miserable. This happens only on weekends. And then I do something which completely wrecks what I am trying to build in the week. I go to a brothel, eat junk food and just lie down in my bed alone. Is this because I am staying alone?
My Officers Training is going to start in another 2 months and I am looking forward to it. I really want to train myself as a leader, a person who is a winner. But I am afraid whether I can change myself to that person. Every weekend in the last one year is the same story.. I feel depressed.
How can I get out of this? Will this continue even after I join the military?
I am from a small city in a South Asian country now residing in a western country... I have been living away from my parents from 16. My parent's marriage was never smooth. My city was really small, traditional with no night clubs/life.. I was never interested in dancing/clubbing.. I was quite interested in sports, and did well in my studies as well.
After my schooling, I got a scholarship to study in a western country and I moved there. I used to work on fridays and all weekends to supplement my income so never went out with my friends.. I had friends with similar south asian origin who also worked with me. I had a gf so life was great. I was the topper in my batch and got a great job in a small consultancy company with a really good salary.
I then had the breakup on Sep 7th 2007. She said she wanted to leave. I was devastated. I also started a new job and performed well. Then came the financial crisis. My company didn't survive and I lost my job. I wasn't experienced enough to get a job during those times, but wasn't considered young enough to apply for graduate roles. Thanks to my ex colleague I got another job. There weren't that many girls of south asian origin in my city. My language skills and culture are not that developed to attract a local girl.
But I feel like I am capable of much more that I currently am. I studied and passed a few certifications. I worked out and have become quite toned. I applied for other jobs and have enrolled as an Officer in the military. I joined salsa classes and made some friends there.
But every weekend, I feel lonely. I check my phone, check my email every half an hour even though I know that no one is going to respond. I lose my motivation to do anything, I get really depressed. All my other friends are married, and my house mate works at nights and weekends. I feel miserable. This happens only on weekends. And then I do something which completely wrecks what I am trying to build in the week. I go to a brothel, eat junk food and just lie down in my bed alone. Is this because I am staying alone?
My Officers Training is going to start in another 2 months and I am looking forward to it. I really want to train myself as a leader, a person who is a winner. But I am afraid whether I can change myself to that person. Every weekend in the last one year is the same story.. I feel depressed.
How can I get out of this? Will this continue even after I join the military?