so I went on my first date today...

[Shivastorm_88]

well it was my first date ever since I started my quest to self-improvement

It was quite good, but unfortunately I had too much of a mindset that I have to please the girl and not "please myself", or basically just have a nice time. I still have a lot of work to do on that part.

Other parts went well though, I did a lot of kino, but didn't escalate much (didn't want too since I'm not looking for lays, but a LTR) so I'm taking things slow (also because I'm not experienced at all). However, next time I see her I will escalate the kino more.

All in all, it was a good experience, I think I missed a few opportunities to escalate kino more, and I was probably at times trying to please her too much, but yea it was good for a first time. I doubt anything will happen with this girl since I used to be overly AFC on her (then I ganji'ed her and she recently started talking to me again) but yea it's good practice

Just wanted to share this with you guys

 

[sexybeast]

well done on ya first date.

Other parts went well though, I did a lot of kino, but didn't escalate much (didn't want too since I'm not looking for lays, but a LTR) so I'm taking things slow

Firstly, you should always be escalating dont worrie or even try to take things slow unless the escalation is not going well i.e calibration.

I think "looking" for a LTR is the wrong frame to be coming from and most probably why you want to take things slow. Girls dont actually want it slow. If you aint looking to lay the girl how can you make them horny and lead the interaction in that direction? you cant! so if i was you, I would get out of that LTR frame of mind.

I used to be looking for LTR's and didnt get very far until i was going for lays only... then strangly enough girls wanted LTR's with me.

Keep reading up and learning youl be alright

 

[Serialized3]

I think "looking" for a LTR is the wrong frame to be coming from and most probably why you want to take things slow. Girls dont actually want it slow. If you aint looking to lay the girl how can you make them horny and lead the interaction in that direction? you cant! so if i was you, I would get out of that LTR frame of mind.

I used to be looking for LTR's and didnt get very far until i was going for lays only... then strangly enough girls wanted LTR's with me.

I agree with everything you wrote (esp the last line), with the exception of what I highlighted in red. While many girls (I don't have any statistics or anything, but I'd estimate ~60%) want it fast, the other girls still want to feel trust, emotional connection, all that good stuff. We just really have to be aware about the girl. (fwiw I usually game women 20-25)

The way I frame my interactions with girls is that I escalate things sexually at the rate I feel like progressing. I try not to get too sexual too fast, but also not too slow. There's an art of balance about it.

To the OP: Now, I think the reason that it's not a good idea to have the mindset that you're "looking" for an LTR, esp on a first date, is that it gives you the mindset that you need something from her. I think you're already aware of this, as you feel the need to please her rather than you pleasing one another.

A much better mindset would be much more casual, where you're both enjoying other's company, trying to find out if you would be good together, with no expectations of future outcomes.

 

[StoneColdFox]

Great to hear.

Your pleasing her and not yourself comment was funny because I had a girl tell me I was trying to hard the other day.

lol

The girls just as much of a player as I am and it was her way of calling out my game.

It's very interesting man, she like..tries to compete with me. She busted out her phone and we compared how many diff. guys she was texting and how many diff. girls were texting me.

But anyways, back to what was being discussed.

I whole heartedly agree with the poster above me talking about the casual mindset.

It's allll about creating a comfort level.

If it's quiet, sometimes, its a comfortable silence.

yep.

Thats all I got.

-SCF

 

[Obsidian]

She busted out her phone and we compared how many diff. guys she was texting...

Say no to h0rz.

and btw, texting is stupid.

Shiva: Nj on setting up the date. Serialized is right that you shouldn't be looking for an LTR, necessarily. Rather, if you find a girl worth having an LTR with, then you'll consider dating her.