So I was a Verbally abusive, controlling, D!CK.

[pvf94]

And she brokeup with me 2 nights ago.

I haven't heard from her since, I tried calling her the day after later in the evening. No answer.

Didn't try to talk to her at all yesterday, just stuck it out.

She broke up with me because she said she couldn't forgive me, that she was trying and couldn't do it. I treated her like crap a lot of the time, but she did love me it was obvious, even up to the last few days of being with each other. I just pushed her to the limit one last time and she cracked apparently.

I have a serious issue with jealously and insecurity, because she is hot and I always saw guys trying to get at her. The more comfortable I got with her, the more possessive I got. We dated very seriously for 1 year and 7 months. 12 of those months were just me and her always bickering about guys and girls hitting on either of us, it was mutual until recently, I could tell she was starting to lose it but damn...didnt think she would cold turkey leave me one night.


Anyhow, I've heard that if I am willing to change that there is always a possibility to be back together? I know it sounds stupid but I am hurt so bad right now, cant eat, barely sleep, think only of her. I have hung out with old friends and the whole gambit, but I just am not feeling better. She said she loved me before I left her room that night she broke up with me. She was rolled up in a ball on her bed crying her brains out. Saying that I hurt her, and that she doesn't think she could forgive me, I told her to try and find it in her heart to forgive me and that I would change.



She didn't answer my phone call or return it, I texted her once before that. I did a little online reading and I should of just left her alone.

Here is what I was thinking about doing....


I know I can change, and that I was being a complete idiot when I was with her. I know she still has feelings for me, theres no way she doesn't. After a year and a half of seeing somebody everyday and fvcking them a thousand times you gotta have some emotion towards um.

I have her bike here, that I know she would want back, a pillow, some sunglasses, pictures, and a ring.

I have school tonight from 5 to 8, I was thinking about just taking all of her stuff and going over her place (she lives with her parents, they dont hate me) knocking on the door and asking her to come out, that I had her stuff.

From there, I could tell her I want to give her space and show her that I will be different and that time heals all wounds, and eventually she will forgive me if she just gives me the opportunity to show her change.

Keep in mind, she has not tried to contact me once since that night. I asked her if she would call and she said yea.

PS: she also said she didnt want to be with anybody right now, and that she needed to be alone to get her energy level back to normal, that her parents even noticed she had been miserable lately. She repeated over and over that she is trying to forgive me but couldn't.

Give her more space? Or go over and try my last ditch effort?

I love her, I really do...and it's totally me to blame for being such a pr!ck. I can change it, she just needs to give me the chance.

Input? Try not to rub it in that i'm a prick...I am having a hard enough time knowing it, and I vow not to do it again.

 

[evoken]

I think you may have already screwed up by calling her the day after she broke up with you, what the hell were you thinking?

You probably still have a chance if you go no contact for a while though.

She said she loved me before I left her room that night she broke up with me.

Yeah she loves you so much that she broke up with you right?

 

[pvf94]

I think you may have already screwed up by calling her the day after she broke up with you, what the hell were you thinking?

You probably still have a chance if you go no contact for a while though.



Yeah she loves you so much that she broke up with you right?

I was thinking, what if she doesnt hear from me, she will probably think I didnt care.


Then I read into it, and well yea...realized it was a mistake.

 

[Energizer]

Call me a cynic here, but the way to show someone you love someone is to treat them with unkindness and treat them like dirt?

You had your chance and like a true AFC you completely messed it up. If I was you, I would leave her well be, stay single, work on the insecurity and jealousy and fine tune yourself.

You do not have the maturity to be in a serious relationship and if you being verbally abusive, I'd say you have anger management issues that also need seeing too.

Self improvement would be the best avenue for you mate.

As for your recently lost girlfriend, forget it. There is a reason she isn't contacting you, she doesn't like you. In fact she probably hates you and wishes you were dead.

 

[pvf94]

Call me a cynic here, but the way to show someone you love someone is to treat them with unkindness and treat them like dirt?

You had your chance and like a true AFC you completely messed it up. If I was you, I would leave her well be, stay single, work on the insecurity and jealousy and fine tune yourself.

You do not have the maturity to be in a serious relationship and if you being verbally abusive, I'd say you have anger management issues that also need seeing too.

Self improvement would be the best avenue for you mate.

As for your recently lost girlfriend, forget it. There is a reason she isn't contacting you, she doesn't like you. In fact she probably hates you and wishes you were dead.

Yea, she sure did bring out the parts of me I never knew I had. Took 21 years to see my true colors. Hell of a way to learn my lesson. G0ddamn.

 

[Jakes21]

When me and gf broke up i gave her a month before calling and telling her that we need to talk and i want to get my stuff from her.there we talked and sorted our shyt out.were back with eachoter and happily sofar

 

[starplayer]

Don't beg and apologize and start telling her that you'll change whatever you do. I'd say don't contact her for a while and see what she does, but usually when a girl suddenly breaks up like this, she's already planned it for weeks/months beforehand.

Remember she may just be using that as an excuse to break up with you, when the real reason was that her attraction to you had faded over time. Unless you cheated on her or beat her I don't see why you should promise to change for her.

 

[pvf94]

Don't beg and apologize and start telling her that you'll change whatever you do. I'd say don't contact her for a while and see what she does, but usually when a girl suddenly breaks up like this, she's already planned it for weeks/months beforehand.

Remember she may just be using that as an excuse to break up with you, when the real reason was that her attraction to you had faded over time. Unless you cheated on her or beat her I don't see why you should promise to change for her.

Because I was verbally abusive, I called her a wh0re, slvt, cvnt, b!tch, everything all the time...just because she went to the store with her mother or something, I didnt trust her for no good reason. I was awful thats why, and now I finally see it, but its probably too late. I think I was so verbally abusive that it was just as damaging as physically abusive. Either way it was abuse, and I think this is the only thing that I would consider getting back with her....it was simply MY FAULT. If I can change it might work? I dunno...I just need to know how to get to her face to face and talk it out, maybe go on a walk or go get a coffee and have a mature conversation. THough she hasnt called me or contacted me, I think it can still be saved....if not I gotta just get over it, but i would like to try.

 

[Energizer]

Erase her from your life mate, what's done is done, except she is gone and let her go, that would be best thing you can do for her and more importantly yourself. Stay single, indulge in self improvement and then climb back on the saddle.

Nothing good will come of you trying to persuade her to give you a second chance.

 

[fertileTurtle]

This sounds a lot like one of mine.

Just try to be a nicer person. Don't really let her go all the way though. She's going to forget about you if you do. Just email her and keep up with what she's doing. Redate her so to speak. Start over as in don't call her or talk to her anymore for a while. Just email her.

 

[pvf94]

This sounds a lot like one of mine.

Just try to be a nicer person. Don't really let her go all the way though. She's going to forget about you if you do. Just email her and keep up with what she's doing. Redate her so to speak. Start over as in don't call her or talk to her anymore for a while. Just email her.

She doesnt check her email...or myspace. Or any other online forms of contact...just text sometimes and the phone. Only other form of communication would be in person....what now?

SHe doesnt email and all that simply because she just doesn't...has nothing to do with me being ignored, she just doesnt email or IM.

 

[romangod]

Anyhow, I've heard that if I am willing to change that there is always a possibility to be back together? I know it sounds stupid but I am hurt so bad right now, cant eat, barely sleep, think only of her. I have hung out with old friends and the whole gambit, but I just am not feeling better.

You heard wrong. Your changing will not win her back. If anything, it'll drive her further away when she realizes how weak and AFC you are.

This is your wake-up call to work on yourself and build some character and strength. You lived by your ego and now your ego has deserted you. It's time to put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

The pain will go away eventually. With time and reflection you'll start rising from the ashes. Take this opportunity to work on yourself. It sounds like you need it.


Cheers!

 

[DJDanny]

Yea, she sure did bring out the parts of me I never knew I had. Took 21 years to see my true colors. Hell of a way to learn my lesson. G0ddamn.

Consider yourself lucky that you found out so early in life,

 

[pvf94]

Consider yourself lucky that you found out so early in life,

TOuche

I'm not doing too bad today...I would like to see her face to face though for some closure or so she can see that it doesnt have me that rattled up.

 

[DJDanny]

Took me 26 years, a 3 year relationship culminating in marriage last year to finally get it. The only thing worse then making these mistakes, is making the mistake of not learning from them, if you grow from the experience and learn about yourself then rather then a failure you'll look back on the relationship as a learning experience,

 

[Warrior74]

TOuche

I'm not doing too bad today...I would like to see her face to face though for some closure or so she can see that it doesnt have me that rattled up.

There is no such thing as closure. Loose that PC thinking. Closure is only something you can give yourself by deciding that you have done all that you can, you have learned your lesson, you have forgiven yourself for your actions and you are looking forward to life as a smarter and better person. Nobody else can give you that but you.

At the end of the day you will never be able to make that person see what you were saying. They will be blinded by hurt and anger, they are not able to give you forgiveness for your wrongs nor see their own hand in it. These things take time, patience is what is called for. Patience with yourself and other people.

It looks desperate and weak to desire closure from people. Things happen and mistakes get made, you have to live with it. It's called being a man. It took me two years to understand what I did wrong with my ex, and to understand what she did wrong as well, and to stop blaming her for my problems and to stop blaming myself for hers. I had it all twisted up. Once I sorted it out I could start to learn from my mistakes. But it took time. It took resisting the urge to call her, or to talk about what happened, or to try and "be friends". That may work for some people, but I don't know any who have done it that way. Once you open yourself up to someone and they hurt you, its hard to get back to a place where you want to be on any sort of friendship or have contact with them.

Leave her alone, lick your wounds, learn your lessons, work to get better and enjoy this life while you have it. Forward is the way forward. Good luck.

 

[Ease]

Dude shes sucking someones **** right now.

Its a harsh truth but never listen to what she says, its her actions. She will tell you she loves you till a few hours before she breaks up with you, but shes been thnking about doing it for weeks. And she's already got someone else lined up for when shes going to do it finally.

And secondly insecurity and jealousy is absolutely no excuse, you should not have these problems in the first place. You need to take blame here, it was your inner game problems that was at fault here, not that you treated her like ****. She lost interest because you werent an alpha male that was confident in his ability to keep the interest of a woman.

When you show jealousy you completely kill the mystery and attraction.

do NOT 'show her you care', you need to realize that she dumped you because she lost interest. NOT because 'u treated her badly'. Women dont leave when they are treated badly, they leave when they lose attraction. Huge difference.

Go no contact and follow the break up routine word for word, this is a very common case. Sort out your own problems, this is an experience necesery for you to improve yourself. Life is continuous improvement, you were born alone and you will end that way and yourself is the only thing that really matters in this world so dont forget.

good luck !

 

[starplayer]

You need to take blame here, it was your inner game problems that was at fault here, not that you treated her like ****. She lost interest because you werent an alpha male that was confident in his ability to keep the interest of a woman.

When you show jealousy you completely kill the mystery and attraction.

do NOT 'show her you care', you need to realize that she dumped you because she lost interest. NOT because 'u treated her badly'. Women dont leave when they are treated badly, they leave when they lose attraction. Huge difference

i totally agree with this. it wasn't because of treating her badly - it was because she lost interest.

 

[pvf94]

You are all going to call me a chump but, I went over before class today and brought her a few things that belonged to her.

Her dad said she was sleeping when I knocked on the door, excuse...whatever he was in there for a while she finally answered the door came outside and sat on the porch with me...I talked to her she seemed pretty lifeless and depressed. Told her a good chunk of stuff that I did wrong in our relationship, how I was wrong for a lot of things...and I was wrong for a lot...no way about it I treated her horribly.

She said to come inside that she had some stuff to give me. Went inside, went to her bedroom and sat on her bed with her. She asked what I brought of hers, I told her "Pillow, pictures, stuffed toy rabbit, ring.

She was like...I got some of your stuff in boxes in the garage...(They just moved to this house....thats why it was out there). And she had some shorts of mine that she wore, and other stuff...but she soon enough didn't bother to mention any of it after that. I mostly talked while she listened, she looked at me with a cold stare most of the time. I noticed she had a few clothes laying around, and some panties laying around (something she never really wore, you could tell she wore um cuz they had that usual discharge crusted up on um...haha or some guys cvm....whatever possible but probably not judging by the fact that she looked like she hadn't showered in 2 days.

I told her a few things and she showed absolutely no affection, but she cried multiple times...I could see it in the corner of her eyes...tears and they would fall after I said something. I choked up a few times when I spoke to her, I genuinely hurt telling her sorry for some of the things.

She asked me to get her stuff from my car...so I went and got it. Brought it in gave her the pillow, took out the rabbit, pictures, ring, and a little love note from my wallet. She didn't want the rabbit, said it was a gift to me I slept with it haha, that made her cry playing around with it. I gave her the pictures, she laminated them for me almost a year ago she saw the ones of me and her smiling and kissing and cried a tid bit again...just tears no sobbing stuff.

She didnt want the ring, as it was a gift from her to me. She insisted that I keep the pictures but if I didnt want them that she would take um, she looked at um more then once. I wrote her a little note that I was going to put in her car door if she didnt answer the door, it was touching straight from my heart. I read it outloud to her through choking up a little, she let tears fall again. I told her I miss her more then anything, she said she missed me too but is upset and mad still.

She went and got something to eat, said her mom and dad bought her chinese last night because she was upset or whatever. She said she wanted her bike back multiple times ( I didnt bring it, lol). I told her I'd bring it back to her.

She didn't offer to take any of my stuff and give it back. She reached over and grabbed the pillow that I gave her which she obviously slept with last night! Wtf?! took the pillow case off, and said here. We gave each other our favorite pillow to sleep with and slept with each others favorite pillow for like over a year.

I was there about an hour, I asked her "Do you think there will be any possibility that we get back together?" She replied " If I can forgive you for what you have done, but I cant do it when I am bitter and angry"

I asked her if she wanted to talk to me or not after I left, she said not right now im still upset.

I asked her to spare me time and tell me if she was seeing somebody else, she teared up after saying she does not want to be with anybody at all....tears followed from her some more.

I asked her if she wanted the little note that I wrote and read outloud to her, she said you can leave it if you want. So I left it on her bed. I asked her if she wanted me to take the pillow that was mine that she just removed the pillow case off of, she said I dont care I said thats fine keep it. She tossed it back where she sleeps kind of in an angry way it seemed.

She said she was going to take a shower, that was my queue to leave, I asked her if she wanted me to leave before this and she said I dont care stay or leave if you want. She kept her distance from me, we really didn't touch at all. She just looked dead to me in a way, but she kept letting these tears through, like she hurt seeing me there telling her how I felt.

So in short I only left her pillow, and took nothing but what I brought.

Laugh it up, I kinda feel better in a way though. I'll bring her the bike sometime this week.

PS she asked if my family was mad at her, I told her no...they are actually mad at me for treating her like ****.

I asked "are we seeing other people" she said " "we broke up, you can if you want I'm not, I don't want to, I just want to be alone and work on me", she cried saying that...just tears.

ANyhow fellas slam me, I know im a sucker.

 

[starplayer]

dude... the funny thing is you even seem to know this was a bad idea.

if there was the slightest chance of you 2 getting back together, you've totally blown it now.

look at this objectively. imagine you were giving advice to someone else in this situation and your emotions weren't involved. what would you tell them? - leave her alone. let it go and move on.

this was an incredibly weak move. but i think you already know that.