So I have been doing alot of thinking,as I always do...

[ItsOnNow]

And have realized,if I don't make changes now,I think I am going to go insane. My problems come from this flow of inner negative thoughts that have taken over me since I was 16. It all came from feelings of worthlessness,like I am a loser,I am not good enough,etc. Typical bad stuff. But I have not been able to fully let go of these thoughts,only done what I can to take my mind off of them. Alot of it stems from feelings of either inexpericence or inferiority. I.E not having been with many women,or being able to attract in the right ways,and here's all these guys of varying ages with more experience. I know,as they have said,a man is not how many women he has slept with. Yet I am a bit bothered by this. I also have add/learning disabiltiy,which may be the explanation for alot of my problems over the years. But the main thing is trying to change thought patterns,feeling good,and having that strong presence. I also don't go out much. That certainly doesn't help either. One thing that bugs me is this constant feeling of time having gone bye. Plus,some social problems. Also,possible psd,and some sort of lack of sex drive. I am wondering if it may be some sort of severe anxiety issues as well.

 

[ezily]

You basically just diagnosed yourself with about 10 different psychological disorders. I doubt that's the case. So my advice is just to start getting active again. Go out and get a job. That'll boost your confidence. Go to the gym. That'll never hurt your self esteem. Basically you just need to get active.

Also, you need to work on the inner game. It'll take time but you need to start thinking differently about yourself. Negative thoughts = bad.

 

[frusciante1234]

start doing alot of drugs, im serious

 

[SinJester]

Don't listen to the above guy, drugs is the last thing you need.

Go see a professional, that way you will find out if you have any real problems or if it's all just your thinking.

A lot of people overexagerate these things when if fact they are just normal and there are heaps of other people going through very similar things. However if you have an actual problem you need real help.

Sounds like you already know a lot of what you need to do. So whata re you waiting for?

 

[Rebound Material]

start doing alot of drugs, im serious

fcukin idiot.

I hope the mods realize that youre a troll.

 

[ItsOnNow]

That's the thing,I have gone to a professional,whether it actually helped,I am not sure. I am also starting to wonder if I am too inhibited,or perhaps even a bit of a prude,yet I go no problem looking at porn. Is that cause for concern? I mean,It seems like it may be some sort of skills deficiet,I just can't talk to people or make freinds,or I don't fully understand some of the concepts and values even.

 

[wolf116]

edit

 

[KontrollerX]

"Step 1.
Get you ass in top shape and many of your problems will disappear."

This is true.

A lot of mental problems anyone might have can be reduced in severity if not outright eliminated through cardio and weight lifting.

 

[WC2]

If I had to bet, all these things you are diagnosing yourself with are mentally locked up inside you.

Be honest with yourself. Are you in good shape? Are you doing something every day to improve your life style?

First thing is first, hit the gym. Sounds cliche, but I've seen some of the lowest guys rise up after they shaped up their physique a bit. That's just a stepping stone to more positive things.

 

[ItsOnNow]

No. That's it. I am not in the best shape,I feel both physically and mentally and it has been this way along time,and it feels like I either can't do it,or time keeps on going bye,and I look at everyone else and feel behind. Chicks never approached me,yet I approach them every day cause I work a retail job. Yes I have heard about avg looking/fat/ugly guys pulling the hottest chicks cause they are on top and have tight game,two areas I feel I have been lacking in. As for improving myself,that's something I should have started along time ago. I don't even put in effort to meet chicks online. I used to do that alot as well. I am also wondering if it is a stubborness,like I often times don't ask for help,I try to do it my own way,as opposed to recomended/known way,which is a factor of add i read.

 

[wolf116]

don't worry

 

[SinJester]

While I agree with these guys that hitting the gym is a good idea, it is not neccesary for confidence. Have any of you ever known a really short guy or a really fat guy with a lot of confidence? Some who just didn't give a fck. These guys are some of the coolest guys you can meet, they 'make up' for the physical 'lack' by being cool, funny and just so badass. Do you think people give them sh!t about how they look? Nope.

I don't meet to offend anyone but don't you think it's sad if your whole confidence only comes from your body? I mean you are so much more, thinking like that is just vanity. Sure maybe if you are fat/skinny you might not be able to overcome these metal probelms easily, and it is great to work towards a goal, but are you saying you can't be confident or succesfull unless you are ripped?

I'm thinking of Maxwell Maltz- Psycho-Cybernetics here.

From wikipedia:

Maltz found that his plastic surgery patients often had expectations that were not satisfied by the surgery, so he pursued a means of helping them set the goal of a positive outcome through visualization of that positive outcome.[3] Maltz became interested in why setting goals works. He learned that the power of of self-affirmation and mental visualisation techniques used the connection between the mind and the body. He specified techniques to develop a positive inner goal as a means of developing a positive outer goal. This concentration on inner attitudes is essential to his approach, as a person's outer success can never rise above the one visualized internally

Basically a lot of people who had plastic surgery came out looking physically beatifull, they look in the mirror and said "I'm still ugly!" This shows that inner beliefs are more important than external factors, and what led to the book.

If you start working out don't you wont get results for a long time, it also wont directly affect your success with women and people in general. I learnt that lesson myself. You should try to improve both both, in my opinion.

 

[wolf116]

don't worry

 

[slaog]

While I agree with these guys that hitting the gym is a good idea, it is not neccesary for confidence. Have any of you ever known a really short guy or a really fat guy with a lot of confidence? Some who just didn't give a fck. These guys are some of the coolest guys you can meet, they 'make up' for the physical 'lack' by being cool, funny and just so badass. Do you think people give them sh!t about how they look? Nope.

I don't meet to offend anyone but don't you think it's sad if your whole confidence only comes from your body? I mean you are so much more, thinking like that is just vanity. Sure maybe if you are fat/skinny you might not be able to overcome these metal probelms easily, and it is great to work towards a goal, but are you saying you can't be confident or succesfull unless you are ripped?

I'm thinking of Maxwell Maltz- Psycho-Cybernetics here.

From wikipedia:

Maltz found that his plastic surgery patients often had expectations that were not satisfied by the surgery, so he pursued a means of helping them set the goal of a positive outcome through visualization of that positive outcome.[3] Maltz became interested in why setting goals works. He learned that the power of of self-affirmation and mental visualisation techniques used the connection between the mind and the body. He specified techniques to develop a positive inner goal as a means of developing a positive outer goal. This concentration on inner attitudes is essential to his approach, as a person's outer success can never rise above the one visualized internally

Basically a lot of people who had plastic surgery came out looking physically beatifull, they look in the mirror and said "I'm still ugly!" This shows that inner beliefs are more important than external factors, and what led to the book.

If you start working out don't you wont get results for a long time, it also wont directly affect your success with women and people in general. I learnt that lesson myself. You should try to improve both both, in my opinion.

Good post SJ.

ItsOnNow, you have to start changing the way you think. Start by writing down simple goals etc. It's not easy changing the way you think but it's can be done by anybody and it's the only way to go.

 

[AlanB]

You need to get yourself busy. If you are out there doing stuff most of the time, you don't get a chance to dwell on what you perceive as problems.

In terms of negative thoughts, you just have to learn to counter them mentally and starve them of attention. It isn't a quick fix, it takes time but if you keep in the habit of doing it then things will get better. There is no miracle cure though.

e.g.

Negative thought: That girl is staring at me.
Counter: She might be looking at me or maybe something past me. If she is looking at me it may be because she thinks that I am attractive. Either way, her opinion is of little consequence to me.

Negative thought: I'm shy, I don't know what to say, people think that I am an idiot.
Counter: I feel a bit anxious but I am going to have a good time.I will smile, crack a few jokes and have some fun. If people think I am a little goofy, I can deal with that, I am just being a fun guy.

etc.

 

[frusciante1234]

hey rebound material why am i a ****ing idiot? im not forcing the guy its a suggestion. some people here just dont know how to think outside the box, all the suggestions are just gym, clothes, hobby, etc. Guess what, women find men that think outside the box and are different to be very attractive. why are drugs bad? cause thats what u learned in health class? By doing what everyone else does u are just making urself into one of the heard, a tool. Very unattractive. Now my drugs comment was not completely serious. However, I do believe that certain drugs, such as mushrooms can really help a person let go and live their life on their terms. So, maybe you should try it, why not? Chicken! lol peer pressure! drugs! bad! evil! aaaaaaaah!

 

[wolf116]

I do believe that certain drugs, such as mushrooms can really help a person let go and live their life on their terms.

Can you please explain this more? Are you talking long term results?
I think drugs should be explored if you don't have an addictive personality.

It's not easy to get a hold of them tho. You need to be in the scene. I want to try shrooms, but can't find anyone that can help me out.

 

[BlakeW5]

Like others have said, go out and get busy, do anything. I'd say your root problem is one common to everyone.... you're your own worst enemy. I know that holds for me, and it does for most. Your harshest critic is yourself. I'm the same way when I'm left to my thoughts. People need challenges to overcome to feel good in life. I remember when I hit twenty. A buddy of mine called me up and asked if I was thinking what he too would soon think (we're very similar). I said yep "A quarter of my life's gone by and I haven't accomplished anything worthwhile." He said "Yep that's it." I still get that feeling from time to time (that I'm wasting time). Fix that problem. Get out and force yourself to be happy. People have a basic need to interact with other humans. Smile. It's proven to make you feel better. Lift weights, it WILL make you feel better. You'll not only look better but that inner confidence will shine through. I'm not saying that you're doing this, but people tend to create problems they don't have when they get bored.

Fact of the matter is, you're only a loser if you think you are. You're on here trying to solve your problems and improve, so you're clearly not a loser. Losers give up, you haven't. When it comes right down to it, we can encourage you and try to help until we're blue in the face, but you've got to be the one that changes things.

Never wait man, who only live once and after that you're dead for a long time. Take advantage of what you've been given.

 

[Sir I]

a persons mind is the most destructive weapon around in the world when there is too much time on hand to think. you are dealing with uncertain thoughts where there is no clear answer to, you can analyse re-analyse and over analyse as much as you want the answers will become more confusing the more you think.

All of the good advise above points towards having less time to think and working your mind and body into better shape. the first step in learning and becomming a better person is by being active sitting around drives most people insane. Get active

after that we'll get down to the DJ bussiness

 

[Mavrick]

Lose the loser attitude. When you walk into a room full of people, you are probably horrified. You probably view everyone as someone out to judge you. When I walk in to a room full of people, I see an opportunity to mingle.

You need to stop your negative thought pattern now! Do it now! Don't complain about it ever again. It's all in your head.

Always focus on the does and not the don'ts. Reward when people are doing good by you, and never reinforce bad behavior. Not even your own. Rise above this. I've been there for most of my life, but that has changed. I'm the life of the party now, and I get invited to do things constantly because now...I just enjoy the moment. I love life more now than ever.

I want you to be positive.

I want you to overcome.

I want you to succeed socially.

The next post you make better be a positive or I'm going to tear you to pieces.