So I found out that my gf still talks to her abusive ex

[AFC_Schism]

Here's the convo:

Me: Random question, but does your crazy ex boyfriend still text you every and now and then?

Her: He's not crazy. But yeah we like randomly talk, not much. Im not trying to get back into that or anything or mess with someone that manipulative.

Me: Wait... you guys still randomly talk?

Her: Like really random. Like I havent talked ot hi mat all in a few weeks and if we do its about how we dont like certain people cuz we used to be in the same group and stuff.

Me: I see. So after he manipualted you, after what he did to you, you still talk to him?

Her: It's not any sort of big deal at all... like i said its literally random texts like he'll say something (name) or one of hte guys and ill agree. Not like hes really back into my life.


This is the same boyfriend that she went out with for 6 months, would ignore her when they were out in public together, would flirt with other girls in front of her, and even after he broke up with her he kept her around for 3 months just for sex and she kept going back to him. I remember asking her about him and why she did it and she told me "its like an abused puppy always going back to their owner" and I just ignored it. He is the very definition of manipulative and she's told me so many horror stories about him. And now I find out that they're still talking. And worse yet, she DEFENDS him and says "oh he's not crazy".

Is this a major red flag?

 

[jophil28]

Here's the convo:

Me: Random question, but does your crazy ex boyfriend still text you every and now and then?

Her: He's not crazy. But yeah we like randomly talk, not much. Im not trying to get back into that or anything or mess with someone that manipulative.

Me: Wait... you guys still randomly talk?

Her: Like really random. Like I havent talked ot hi mat all in a few weeks and if we do its about how we dont like certain people cuz we used to be in the same group and stuff.

Me: I see. So after he manipualted you, after what he did to you, you still talk to him?

Her: It's not any sort of big deal at all... like i said its literally random texts like he'll say something (name) or one of hte guys and ill agree. Not like hes really back into my life.


This is the same boyfriend that she went out with for 6 months, would ignore her when they were out in public together, would flirt with other girls in front of her, and even after he broke up with her he kept her around for 3 months just for sex and she kept going back to him. I remember asking her about him and why she did it and she told me "its like an abused puppy always going back to their owner" and I just ignored it. He is the very definition of manipulative and she's told me so many horror stories about him. And now I find out that they're still talking. And worse yet, she DEFENDS him and says "oh he's not crazy".

Is this a major red flag?

Red flag ?

Do you have to ask ?

 

[Commandante]

This is the same boyfriend that she went out with for 6 months, would ignore her when they were out in public together, would flirt with other girls in front of her, and even after he broke up with her he kept her around for 3 months just for sex

That guy is cool, you should learn from him.

 

[BananaSmile]

this guy sounds like a pimp
he kept her around for 3 month just for sex, just from that you know she has too much attachment to him

btw he's not crazy she is (assuming what you told us about him is true)

 

[SBW]

this guy sounds like a pimp
he kept her around for 3 month just for sex, just from that you know she has too much attachment to him

btw he's not crazy she is (assuming what you told us about him is true)

This - If she's not wised-up by now, you need to be getting yourself ready to bail-out.

 

[CaptainJ]

Every time you call him manipulative to her, you push her away from you, into his arms.

These "Horror" stories she told you are probably exaggerations or lies in order to make herself seem as the victim and innocent girl. She yearns for his d1ck, but she can't have it as he doesn't really care much for her, so you're the filler boyfriend who she can pass the time with until she can get back with her old ex.

Yes it's a big red flag, and you handled it terribly.

 

[fatdog]

When you said "abusive" I expected to read about how this guy would berate her, or beat the sh1t out of her. All he was doing was demonstrating his value, and she loved him for it.

Was he being a d1ck? Maybe. But remember that women seem to be attracted to what other women want. If girls are being responsive to his flirting, then your GF knew he was a good catch.

Something tells me that you haven't read the DJ Bible all the way through, because from the little I know about him, he has a better handle on this than you do. Of the two, it seems like he's the alpha male and you resent him.

 

[Chromeo]

go on about your business, if she stops licking your balls, or you find her giving you less attention or you begin to have less fun with her, giver her "the talk"

"hey babe, I feel like your not puting effort forth in this relationship anymore, shape up or im outa here"

edit** what bukowski says below. 8-1. like i said let it go, but you probably wont so you will be having less fun with her/holding a grudge, and then you will get some huge oneitis going on cuz you will be feeling like you dont have her (you want what you cant have, even tho you already have her and should just let it go or give her the talk)

 

[bukowski_merit]

I swear i've seen this thread title at least 200 times over the years!

A woman still communicating with a guy who treated her badly? A man who probably broke her precious little heart??? [sarcasm]I'm Shocked!!![/sarcasm]

My magic eightball says: You're going to keep making this an issue now and it's only going to make her want the ex more.....

odds: 8-1

anyone want to bet?

 

[NO MA'AM]

AFC_Schism,

Your actions here prove you are a tool when it comes to relationships I would not accept nor condone for ONE SECOND any circumstances in which a present girlfriend of mine was communicating on a regular or semi-regular basis with her ex-BF :box:

In addition, the fact she DEFENDS HIM should raise more than red flags that she is likely carrying on some kind of relationship with him.

This is unacceptable. SHE IS PLAYING YOU, AND YOU ARE ALLOWING IT. The only way for you to redeem yourself is to DUMP HER.

 

[backbreaker]

ytou know how some women keep boyfriends just to go out and do **** with, they date guys they dont' like, and are easy pickins as soon as someone else comes along?

right now you are that guy.

 

[MyTeamSupreme]

this guy sounds like a pimp
he kept her around for 3 month just for sex, just from that you know she has too much attachment to him

btw he's not crazy she is (assuming what you told us about him is true)

^This.

That guy is cool, you should learn from him.

^This.

When you said "abusive" I expected to read about how this guy would berate her, or beat the sh1t out of her. All he was doing was demonstrating his value, and she loved him for it.

Was he being a d1ck? Maybe. But remember that women seem to be attracted to what other women want. If girls are being responsive to his flirting, then your GF knew he was a good catch.

Something tells me that you haven't read the DJ Bible all the way through, because from the little I know about him, he has a better handle on this than you do. Of the two, it seems like he's the alpha male and you resent him.

Also, this^​

 

[Rescue Mission]

This is the same boyfriend that she went out with for 6 months, would ignore her when they were out in public together, would flirt with other girls in front of her, and even after he broke up with her he kept her around for 3 months just for sex and she kept going back to him. I remember asking her about him and why she did it and she told me "its like an abused puppy always going back to their owner" and I just ignored it. He is the very definition of manipulative and she's told me so many horror stories about him. And now I find out that they're still talking. And worse yet, she DEFENDS him and says "oh he's not crazy".

He's just a player that was using her for what she's good for - her pvssy.

The sooner you STOP shaming a guy like that and calling him "crazy and abusive", and the sooner that you start LEARNING from him, the better off you'll be with women.

Nobody cares about her "stories", and nobody cares how "manipulative" SHE SAYS that he is..........she is just another bytch who has no respect for nice guy gentlemen, and loves the azzholes who treat her like shyt and fvck her well, and she's just afraid to admit it, because she is too stupid to even be honest to herself!

Stop being the goddamn nice guy AFC who thinks of every bad-boy-loving piece of azz as a female victim..........they AREN'T VICTIMS, THEM LOVE HOW HORNY BAD BOYS MAKE THEM - don't be a pvssy guy, please oh please!

 

[Nygard]

This is the same boyfriend that she went out with for 6 months, would ignore her when they were out in public together, would flirt with other girls in front of her, and even after he broke up with her he kept her around for 3 months just for sex and she kept going back to him. I remember asking her about him and why she did it and she told me "its like an abused puppy always going back to their owner" and I just ignored it. He is the very definition of manipulative and she's told me so many horror stories about him. And now I find out that they're still talking. And worse yet, she DEFENDS him and says "oh he's not crazy".

Please, tell me more about him. I want to know everything. This is what should be done. How does he meet the girls? How does he act and think?

 

[Warrior74]

One guy uses a girl for sex, refuses to commit and goes on with life while occasionally checking in to see if he can still F his ex.

Another guy worries about his girlfriend talking to her ex who used and "abused" her.

Which guy would you consider a DJ (since everyone has been on a 'who is a dj' kick) and which guy would you consider an AFC?

All jokes aside, I would take notes from this guy. I also would ask myself, why am I so worried about this to even ask her in the first place? What made me so insecure as to ask her about it? What signs am I seeing that are making me think about this? How does it seem to her that I am bringing up her ex at random? Is any of this helping? Work on those questions.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Remember how women exaggerate things for attention? This is probably one of those times.

And how exactly is this guy abusive? Did he hit her? Sounds to me like he's more of a player and you're a sucker. Quit believing the lies.

 

[f283000]

I remember posting in a similar thread with this same situation like a week or 2 ago! And people get mad at me when I say that women love guys that treat them like sh*t......

 

[runner83]

Original thread title:

"So I found out that my gf still talks to her abusive ex"


Suggested new thread title:

"AFC seeks advice on how to keep gf that is still yearning for her DJ ex's c*ck"

 

[backbreaker]

if you want the truth, you've lost. already. and quite frnakely there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. you have ran into a DJ. a real one. and you aren't anything close.

retreat. don't make it worse on yourself. she is going to **** him at the first opportunity nd get back with him as soon as she can. it's him that she wants, not you.

learn when you have been beaten, retreat, start working on yourself. become more like him. because for the rest of your life as it is you will always lose girls to guys like him if you don't grow some.


there is not an answer for everything. sometimes you need to just relize you've been beat. you've been beat. there is nothing an AFC can do to stop a woman from being attracted to a more quality man.


3 years ago i was dating 4-5 women at the time, all of them new i was not committed to them. they didn't like it, but they accepted it as those were my terms utnil someone proved to me that i needed to stop seeing other women. i met what would be come my fiancee and i liked her, alot, but still, not enough at that time to just drop all my other plates.

she did not take that very well at first, in fact she left after a month or so. in an effort to prove that she could date other guys to she started seing this guy she had known and made it known to me that she was seeing him (even after telling me did not want to talk to me, wow, she was still talking to me)

well, i didn't know the guy but i knew i was more of a catch just by simple logic.. she had known him if he was that much of a catch she would have dated him in the first place.

i would not budge. one inch. I was willing for her to walk for good if that is what it was going to take, but i refuse to let a woman dictate to me how i am going to run my life.. and i'm quite sure she told him how i treated her like ****, how i did not care about women. and he told her how he would cherish her and all that bull****.

in retrospect,t here was absolutely nothing this guy could do to keep her away from me. nothing. he was a placeholder. The second I gave her a little love she dropped him like a bad habit. and hell i did not even stop seing other women, i simply made it clear that she was making a very good impression on me and that if she kept it up she would get her wish, and she did keep it up, and she did get her wish. but at the time, there were no tricks, no tactics that this guy could have done, to stop her from wanting to get back with me.

 

[drak_ool]

+ 1 BackBreaker.

You ve lost man! Move on and learn from your mistakes so that hopefully you can be that guy tht keeps a girl around for 3 months after breaking up with her just for sex.