backbreaker
Master Don Juan
So I’m in my office working. The way my house is setup it’s 1 floor but 4 bedrooms. One room is the office, one room is our bed room, one room is joe’s room and one room is a guest room. Our bedroom is on one side of the house and the other 3 rooms are on the other side of the house.
So I’m in my office working doing my thing and I can hear my son running around the house all the way from the back office room. So I walk out the office and I’m like dude wtf lol? What’s going on? Why are you running around the house you are freaking 5 years old you know better than to run around the house. We got fish tanks and **** you might run into something. He’s like “I playing chase”. I’m like okay whatever dude just stop before you break something. So I go back in my room and like 10 minutes later ghostzapper my dog starts just barking and **** and now I hear my son running so I walk out and I’m like okay seriously guys WTF. Come on man lol. My dog has went absolutely ape ****. He’s barked like 5 times in the last 5 years. He’s ready to pounce on some **** and him and my son are in the kitchen. I’m like oh ****. T hey done found something.
So I ask my son what are they chasing and he’s like “it’s a cat”. My son thinks everything is a cat so I don’t know what he **** is behind the refrigerator. So I say **** it let’s end this **** and move the refrigerator and I see the biggest black rat I have ever seen in my life.
Now if you know anything about me you know 2 things. I don’t like birds and I am petrified of rats/mice. The birds is very irrational I just have these recurring dreams where I’m tied to a cross and birds are pecking under my arms. I always keep my arms closed when I’m around birds. I don’t know where that came from. However, I got bit by a mouse/rat ne at a very early age while staying with my grandmother and have been terrified since. Don’t do them. I've moved out of apartments at the mention of rodents. Partly why I’m such a neat freak. I don’t even know how we got a rat this is defiantly a rat. This is not a field mouse. This isn’t some cute little oh look at the cute little mouse. Not even like a baby rat. This is a thug alpha rat lol. Motherfvcker didn't even move. Like “dude what the **** do you want” rat. Like I thought rats and **** were supposed o try to hide and **** when they see humans dude just kinda look at me and was like **** I guess I will go somewhere else hold on dude lol.
So I’m screaming like a little ***** and I wake my wife up who was sleep. only to find out all it is is a rat.
Now, I’ve mentioned this before but my wife grew up on a farm. I’ a city boy. My wife as pretty and classy as she is, is the countrist motherfvcker I ever met in my life. She’s the European equivalent to a redneck lol. This girl had pet rats and **** growing up. I’m going to tell you how gansta my wife is lol. She’s barefoot and **** and like ‘oh babe it’s just a rat hold on’ so she goes to get a shoebox, starts banging on the wall and like 5 minutes later sure enough the rat tries to creep from out of the kitchen against the floorboard and she just throws the box over him. he didn't even kill the mother****er. She put it in the box she was going to let joe keep it for a pet but I had to put my foot down because 1. There will be no rats in the backbreaker household pet or not and 2. I don’t’ want my son playing with the rat and get bit he’s not that old yet to understand that rats have diseases and **** so she takes the rat down the street to one of our friends whose son has a python snake pet. IT’s funny because I’m the more conservative parent of the 2 of us. She wanted him to sign up for horse riding lessons I think it’s too early. She wanted to let him to karate I think it’s too early. **** he’s 5 and like 2 foot tall lol. She’s like I did all this **** when I was his age and I’m like well tough ****.
. And she’s laughing at me for being scared of a rat and I’m like woman fvck you lol you country hillbilly motherfvcker. That **** is not normal.
I'm always telling my son "joe you got to be a big boy and do this" or "joe you got to be a big boy and do that" and my son was like "daddy be big boy" i couldn't help but laugh.
I’ve always wanted a pet snake. But she was like how are you going to have a pet snake if you are afraid of rats how is the snake going to eat lol? I was like you got a good point there. Give the snake some biscuits or something we can figure something out. But there will be no rats in the backbreaker house hold. I don’t care if they are dead, alive, pictures, screen savers, I don’t care. I won’t even watch TV shows that have rats in them.
So I’m in my office working doing my thing and I can hear my son running around the house all the way from the back office room. So I walk out the office and I’m like dude wtf lol? What’s going on? Why are you running around the house you are freaking 5 years old you know better than to run around the house. We got fish tanks and **** you might run into something. He’s like “I playing chase”. I’m like okay whatever dude just stop before you break something. So I go back in my room and like 10 minutes later ghostzapper my dog starts just barking and **** and now I hear my son running so I walk out and I’m like okay seriously guys WTF. Come on man lol. My dog has went absolutely ape ****. He’s barked like 5 times in the last 5 years. He’s ready to pounce on some **** and him and my son are in the kitchen. I’m like oh ****. T hey done found something.
So I ask my son what are they chasing and he’s like “it’s a cat”. My son thinks everything is a cat so I don’t know what he **** is behind the refrigerator. So I say **** it let’s end this **** and move the refrigerator and I see the biggest black rat I have ever seen in my life.
Now if you know anything about me you know 2 things. I don’t like birds and I am petrified of rats/mice. The birds is very irrational I just have these recurring dreams where I’m tied to a cross and birds are pecking under my arms. I always keep my arms closed when I’m around birds. I don’t know where that came from. However, I got bit by a mouse/rat ne at a very early age while staying with my grandmother and have been terrified since. Don’t do them. I've moved out of apartments at the mention of rodents. Partly why I’m such a neat freak. I don’t even know how we got a rat this is defiantly a rat. This is not a field mouse. This isn’t some cute little oh look at the cute little mouse. Not even like a baby rat. This is a thug alpha rat lol. Motherfvcker didn't even move. Like “dude what the **** do you want” rat. Like I thought rats and **** were supposed o try to hide and **** when they see humans dude just kinda look at me and was like **** I guess I will go somewhere else hold on dude lol.
So I’m screaming like a little ***** and I wake my wife up who was sleep. only to find out all it is is a rat.
Now, I’ve mentioned this before but my wife grew up on a farm. I’ a city boy. My wife as pretty and classy as she is, is the countrist motherfvcker I ever met in my life. She’s the European equivalent to a redneck lol. This girl had pet rats and **** growing up. I’m going to tell you how gansta my wife is lol. She’s barefoot and **** and like ‘oh babe it’s just a rat hold on’ so she goes to get a shoebox, starts banging on the wall and like 5 minutes later sure enough the rat tries to creep from out of the kitchen against the floorboard and she just throws the box over him. he didn't even kill the mother****er. She put it in the box she was going to let joe keep it for a pet but I had to put my foot down because 1. There will be no rats in the backbreaker household pet or not and 2. I don’t’ want my son playing with the rat and get bit he’s not that old yet to understand that rats have diseases and **** so she takes the rat down the street to one of our friends whose son has a python snake pet. IT’s funny because I’m the more conservative parent of the 2 of us. She wanted him to sign up for horse riding lessons I think it’s too early. She wanted to let him to karate I think it’s too early. **** he’s 5 and like 2 foot tall lol. She’s like I did all this **** when I was his age and I’m like well tough ****.
. And she’s laughing at me for being scared of a rat and I’m like woman fvck you lol you country hillbilly motherfvcker. That **** is not normal.
I'm always telling my son "joe you got to be a big boy and do this" or "joe you got to be a big boy and do that" and my son was like "daddy be big boy" i couldn't help but laugh.
I’ve always wanted a pet snake. But she was like how are you going to have a pet snake if you are afraid of rats how is the snake going to eat lol? I was like you got a good point there. Give the snake some biscuits or something we can figure something out. But there will be no rats in the backbreaker house hold. I don’t care if they are dead, alive, pictures, screen savers, I don’t care. I won’t even watch TV shows that have rats in them.
