So how do you keep from becoming emotionally attached? (sorry it's long)

[ArrogantBastard]

Hey guys,

Long time lurker first time poster, etc. I came here to try to get a better understanding of women maybe a year ago. I had a hard time believing a lot of what was suggested when I read through the bible and various threads. But I tried it anyway and it's amazing how well it works, especially valuing yourself and not relying on others to make you feel important.

I've gotten pretty good at setting the pace with a chick, doing what I want, not being wishy-washy and the like.. however I'm still having a problem that I can't seem to find a solution for: occasionally I get emotionally attached way too easily. Maybe one in fifteen or twenty seems "special." I end up liking her too fast and it seems like I arbitrarily choose... like my emotions are fvcking with me for fun.

For example, til yesterday I was spinning five plates. All five originally had moderate-high IL after spending a little time with them. However, I really got attached to one in particular no reason other than that I really started to "like" her (sorry, I don't understand why so it's hard to explain.. this just a biological thing?)... she is good looking but so are the others and I admit she's not my perfect chick as I've described based on the exercises in the bible. Anyway, things are fine with the other four.. they respond fast always try to be free when I want to do stuff... you know. And I think it's because they know I don't need them, just like the wisdom here suggests.

The other one, of course, is the one I "liked" too fast and screwed up with... I met her occasionally around the school and we hit it off.. high IL, gives me her number right away, and takes my first date offer. When she came to the first date really, really down because of some **** that happened (I was surprised she didn't flake), I wasted the night trying to make her feel better. I hadn't really had this happen before but maybe I should have called the date off? I was so worried about cheering her up that my game was terrible and looking back I imagine it wasn't a good date. Waited two weeks and asked her out last night and she gave me some mediocre excuse. She's still nice etc, but I assume mixed messages re just her way of rejecting without having to say anything.. so I put her on the back burner and don't really expect it to get better.

So here I am trying to learn from this so maybe I can prevent it from happening again.. the ones I really end up liking emotionally are the ones I screw up with. Anyway, what I want to know is how do you guys keep yourself from really "falling" for a girl that seems great. Is there some trick or is it something you have to teach yourself to handle over time? It's so frustrating because I see myself getting attached but don't know how to manage it and I think it undermines me.

Sorry for the book my friends. I appreciate your advice.

AB

 

[jay_mo]

This post really reminds me of what happened to me. I had 3 plates spinning and then I met one hot girl that just made the other totally uninteresting for me and I kind of just got rid of them because I realized they were not good enough.

The other ones kept chasing me but my dating scenario with this new girl looked alot like the one you described.

One thing you should notice though, this girl also gave me a lame excuse when I asked to meet up again. But I took another shot at it later and she accepted and now we are dating regularly.

I don't have the answer to your question about how to not get too attached, I would like to know it just as much as you to not blow this... we are dating but since I know I'm falling for her, and not sure if she is falling for me, the situation is really tough. Very enjoyable since I'm banging a hot girl... but very tough because I have to constantly make sure we stay on the level emotionally... which sometimes is not working that well.

I think you should try to find other girls that make you feel like her - if you do that's great. But don't give up on her because she flaked once, some girls need some chase. Always run the train or you might miss out on something.

Also, another thing that I realize is that with girls I don't care about, I just do what I feel like with. If I want to have sex I just do her. But with girls I care about, I tend to get careful, and then the girl starts thinking I'm fragile and gets scared about hurting my feelings. Thus not letting herself getting emotional. This is an evil loop. When you meet a chick you really like you have to go for it 100%, just run her over, not giving her a chance to think, make her think that she can't do anything to hurt your feelings and that's when she will start evolving feelings for you.

Staying completely emotionally unattached is not the solution. Why? Because that would be boring. The ultimate goal is to be able to handle a woman even when you like her alot.

 

[floydb25]

I find it interesting how the one you like the most has the least amount of interest. Challenge can do wonders in the dating game, eh?

I don't think there is a way to block your emotions. Why do you think its so hard for some people to get over their crushes? Or having their heart-broken? There is no on or off switch. You can learn to control them, and not fear them. Just don't let them get the best of you - to where you start doing stupid things. Having emotions is what makes you human.

I wouldn't worry about it. It's perfectly normal. Even to focus on one person you really like. These feelings will pass. Just keep looking for other women, and don't hold out for her. Realize that she's not the only "perfect" girl for you. It just seems that way because you're not into the other ones. There are still a lot more women out there. Keep it movin'.

 

[DonGorgon]

you cant... you just need to keep having as many other options as you can

 

[ArrogantBastard]

Well if it's normal then I think you guys are right about learning to control your actions instead of just giving in to your emotions. It's just so frustrating when I see that I'm becoming smitten too fast, especially since I think I show it too much and that's the bad path.

I will admit I was hoping to learn a secret DJ meditation skill that would just keep me from "falling" so quickly sometimes.

 

[Zarky]

So you drop all your other girls for one "special" girl and then watch as she dumps you. Do that a few times and you'll learn some discipline

Even if you're seeing 3 girls and the third one is kind of lame.... keep seeing her.

It doesn't matter how you feel.. you will have your favorite, your second-favorite, etc. It matters what you do. Keep AT LEAST two and preferably 3-4 chicks going at all times. Even if #s 3 and 4 aren't very interesting.