deuce42 said:
Howdy
I find that PUA techiques work on the zero to seven's quite well and my success rate with these ladies is quite high, even with little effort. But above this is a disaster!!!
So how do I enter into this territory?
Let me paint scenarios to illustrate my point:
1) In the rehearsal studio where my band practices, works a hb9. She has a huge b%tch shield which is understandable as every single wannabe rock dude tries to put a move on her. She always has that look that says "dont even try". My ego wouldn't let me just be another guy and join the list with those other guys whom are trying to get her attention and chat her up. Accordingly I was always really indifferent towards her and sometimes a bit arrogant when I saw her. Over time she would start talking to me once she realised I wasn't just another one of those guys in the studio trying to hit on her and I seemed like I didn't give a crap about who she was. We gradually got a bit closer, and then when I made a move she freaked out and her face looked like I had betrayed her!! We barely speak much at all now.
Now in this scneario I felt my only other option was to join the line of other losers tyring to impress her. What does a guy do in these cases??? Your wisdom would be appreciated.
2) Similarly in the cold apprach when you see a HB8 or above, there is always a look that says "I am super hot and I have learnt that guys wont leave me alone and are never really just being friendly". Now my natural instinct is to pretend that I dont care and am not blown away by her, but yet I never seem to get anything from these chicks either when I try on them.
Please offer your advice guys.
Girl #1 warmed up to you AS A FRIEND because you did a good job of showing DISinterest. The reason she acted as though you "betrayed her trust" when you came on to her is because that's EXACTLY what you did...you sold her on an image that's not you.
You're attracted to her and you hid that from her and got into an intimate position as a "friend". You tried to CON your way into her panties. When you got "found out", she treated you like she would if she found out a confidence-man had infiltrated her life. Now, suddenly, she realizes that you're not a FRIEND, but a SUITOR posing as a friend...one who has already acquired some compromising authority and is trying to pull an "inside job".
So what do you do differently? Well, you're half-right. You have to not care who she is or what her status is as an eligible female. The ****iness is on the right track.
But you need to be able to SHOW your romantic interest, not HIDE it. You have to be able to show that you're interested in her romantically while at the same time not being intimidated or manipulated by her beauty.
Do you think that just because a woman is attractive that she dislikes being around men? Doubtful. In fact, the whole reason that attractive women develop these "elaborate defenses" is because they know that if they DON'T, they WILL succumb to all the random pick-up attempts that are thrown at them. You'll find that if you know how to OPEN an attractive girl, they're generally not the "b!tches" you think they are.
I can almost guarantee that when you "made your move" on this girl, it probably felt awkward and uncertain to you. Imagine how it must've felt to HER. Add to that the fact that she was sold on your disinterest, and BAM, instant creep-out.
You have to make NO secret of the fact that you're interested in her, but you have to also not be tied to the results of your so-called "approach". I've always hated the term, "approach", on this forum because it implies that the act of "approaching" is a distinct event done in a vacuum, rather than part of a natural socialization/seduction flow. Guys get DEEP into relating with a girl and think because they haven't "approached" yet, they haven't "blown it" yet, but the whole time this girl is formulating an opinion of you as a potential mate, and you're not measuring up...the fact that you haven't TRIED yet isn't buying you anything.
I know what you're feeling as far as, "I don't want to be another rejected douchebag on her list". Every guy feels that...it's an ego-thing. But the only sure-fire way of not being rejected is not to give it a shot at all. So you kinda HAVE to take the "douchebag shot".
So how to be DIFFERENT from "those guys"?
First of all, get it out of your head that you're in COMPETITION with these guys. You're not.
Guys around a pretty girl will ALL try to upstage each other, try to impress each other and prove that they're more masculine than the next in an attempt to impress the girl. That sh*t just doesn't work... a girl that good-looking has seen it all and if YOU are trying that hard to upstage your buddies in front of her, she KNOWS she can get a guy BETTER than you at whatever it is you're trying to do.
The first rule is to relate, not compete. Eyes on the prize...focus on the girl, rather than who you have to "compete with" to get her.
Behave as if you HAVE no competition...as if it's just you and this girl and a room full of married guys or old dudes. When you're trying to relate with her, focus on RELATING WITH HER, not on impressing her more than the next guy. Let the aspects of you that you express well and that you enjoy expressing be the things that she sees. (If you don't have any of those aspects, maybe you should start developing them)
Understand that with an attractive girl, most of you guys are interchangeable. You may think upstaging your "douchebag competitors" will make you the king and she will want to be your queen...in reality, you'll just be king of of the douchebags. That's why hot girls roll their eyes...because they've seen it all before, and when you're competing, you're making it all about YOU, not HER. Remember the Disney movie, "Aladdin"? Don't make her into a prize to be won.
That means you have to be looking at this interaction not from the perspective of, "How do I get her?", but from the perspective of, "What can she offer me if I spend time with her?".
The reason you do so well with the 7s is because you aren't interested in 'getting them', you're interested in finding out more about them, whether they can/want to give you pleasure, interesting conversation, or companionship, and what the value of that is. You go on FEEL with them, challenging THEM to show you a good time while also showing THEM a good time.
With the 9s, you give them too much credit for just looking good. There's no interaction, there's no desire from YOU to know more about her. She looks good and "that's enough for you". You've decided that you want this, without knowing a damned thing about her.
I mean, how would you feel if every girl you met wanted to f**k you, but because you're another hot d*ck? It'd be fun at first, but after a while, you wouldn't derive much of a sense of accomplishment or special-ness from it. It wouldn't be a unique part of your experience...it'd become more of a hassle because girls were using you like a piece of meat. They don't like you because you're special, different, unique...they don't care about YOU as long as you look good and stay hard. I don't care how macho you want to be, that'd get old after a while.
If you want to get the 9s, you have to be able to do with THEM what you do with the 6s and 7s. And that includes truly being able to let them go when you're not having a good time with them, instead of hanging around like a lost puppy looking for affection. I've seen even the meanest dogs follow their master around, trying to impress them and looking for a nugget of approval. Women don't want dogs. They want men.
