"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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So.. Got FB Message From The EX GF.. What Should I do?

drak_ool

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 14, 2007
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Hey Slick how you been? Doesn't sound like you're spinning too many plates as you are still thinking about your ex and willing to start a thread about her every whim...

As far as straight up advice: don't respond. As you said it yourself, what matters here is the consequences of your actions for YOU, not her. Who cares iif she is mad, happy, sad if you respond/dont respond? What matters is that if you do respond, you will then wait for her next response, wonder if it will come, etc... and the mind games start all over!

I think a lot of the pple that responded are trying to push their own agendas of how to deal with EXs w/out looking at your specific facts. But the facts are that you still have mixed feelings about this girl (at one point you say you wanna be friends with her, later you say you don't want her in your life anymore) so you should stay as far as possible from her until you get your emotions sorted out.

Just a few words about the email itself: it s a blatant attempt at clawing her way back into your mind and life. Think about this: if she didn't know you, would she be able to get this help from anybody else? Of course... Notice how she only spends 3-4 lines asking for advice and then jumps right to the point, rehashing stuff from your relationship.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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