So close yet so far

[Helpabrotherout]

Alright guys I'm no good with girls. I'll admit it. I'm the guy that's nice, push over and thinks no I won't ignore her when things are good to get her mind racing. I just keep things going and screw myself. Trying to find the girl that isn't into games and I'm wasting my time. I get the game...somewhat.. Just screw myself and never play it right. Anyways here's my problem.

2 weeks ago I met a girl. We started talking and it was great! Connected great had a lot of attraction for each other. Told me I was a catch and that even though we have talked for a week she's felt like she's known me for years. So I figured great stuff is great asked to talk on the phone after talking for. Week and a half and she agreed but then flaked. Frustrated yes but discouraged not so much. So back at it I went. Stuff was still great and she said well I've rushed into things and they went bad so she wanted to take it slow. Sure I said. I'm willing to put in the time and effort to make something work and she agreed. So we continued talking. Then she started to get weird. I texted her and asked what's going on. Her ex came back around... She said she didn't want anything todo with him but wanted closure so I said do what you gotta do whatever. She talked to him and didn't get what she wanted but said she's over it and is on to bigger and better things. I said well I hope I'm a part of it. She said you definelty are. Great! So we talked more things were great. We were flirting and then we didn't talk for two days. Her phone "broke" whatever. Finally texts me and explains nbd even if that's not what happened. Yeah she really spiked my interests when she didn't text back. Something I should have done to get the chance going but I didn't like I said I just want to skip the games and I thought I could... Wrong! Anyways we talked and I asked well we should talk on the phone tonight she said sure. I'll text you when I'm home from work and we will talk. Great. So here I am waiting around waiting around and nothing. So I'm sick of this shadyness and I said you know if you aren't into me just tell me. She said I don't want to disappoint you. I said by telling me you're not into me? She said it's not that she's not into me so I said well what is it because that's how it's coming across to me. She said it's not that seriously. So I said Well what is it? I mean I felt we connected pretty good. Probably the best I've connected with a girl for awhile then after that stuff with your ex it's just been weird. I just don't get it, if I was such a catch in your eyes then why am I'm getting a feeling that really I'm just a texting buddy to you....nothing... So I said Please don't take this as me coming off upset it's just you're sending me mixed signals and I'm just curious as to what's going on? You've got me confused.
I don't have much people to ask for advice so any would be appreciated guys. I'd just like something to happen with this girl. Like I said we did connect well it's just something is fishy. Thanks

 

[SgtSplacker]

Why is she losing interest?

Because you are worthless.

You meet a girl 2 weeks ago and already are telling her you are in her future?

You must be worthless to be won over so quickly and easily by a girl that has baggage like that.

If you had things going for you, you would not give her attention until she sorted her crap out and came clean with the baggage and offered you something of quality. Maybe bone her while she earns your interest/respect?

Get it?

 

[Helpabrotherout]

I appreciate your reply. This is why I joined because I'm no good at this. I've been going about it all wrong. So what you are saying is just to leave her alone and when or even if she does text me should I text her back? If so should I just be upfront and say whatever you've got going on you need to figure it out. Until then leave me alone? I've never been a ladies man so that's why I am here is to learn and the only way to learn is ask questions and then I'll know what to say/do in situations like this. Thanks

 

[The_411]

Help,

We've all been in your shoes in some fashion of other. The key is not to get overexcited when you connect with someone and start planning ahead. Women have 6th or 7th sense that can sniff out overeagerness right away.

This is why people emphasize seeing many women at the same time so you can get to know them better and see them for they truly are ...

Understand when you first meet a woman you're not going to see their true colors right away and that they are on their best behavior.

It's when you get to know them better you see their flaws, shortcomings, etc.

It's like buying a house. You probably want to look at 10-15 houses to see what's available and compare and conrtast them and make sure you're picking the one you want. The same applies to women.

When you are overeager it makes a woman uncomfortable. She may seem excited but later on she starts to think and she wonders why you are so quick to get involved when you don't even know her that well and that you must be therefore desperate by default.

So overeagerness reeks of desparation and as the old saying goes desparation is a stinky cologne.

 

[lamobatsman]

Have you met her yet? did you meet online? Are you talking via text or fb atm? How come she doesnt want to speak on the fone?

 

[Helpabrotherout]

Yeah I can see when being over eager can be a turn off because it can show that you may be desperate. I guess I did paint a picture as to hopes to what may come out of it and was anxious to get stuff going but I suppose it turned her away.

I met her online also, I don't understand why talking on the phone is such a big deal to her but I guess if being too eager she might have taken me as desperate. I was just hoping to skip games. What do you guys suggest I do. I highly doubt that she will text me anything today. I haven't texted her at all today and I can refrain from that if I need to.

 

[The_411]

Yeah I can see when being over eager can be a turn off because it can show that you may be desperate. I guess I did paint a picture as to hopes to what may come out of it and was anxious to get stuff going but I suppose it turned her away.

I met her online also, I don't understand why talking on the phone is such a big deal to her but I guess if being too eager she might have taken me as desperate. I was just hoping to skip games. What do you guys suggest I do. I highly doubt that she will text me anything today. I haven't texted her at all today and I can refrain from that if I need to.

Given your comfort level online is proably the worst place to be looking because anonymity = no accountability. You'll get extremely frustrated and flaking takes on a whole new meaning online. Best to save that until you are more confident and can approach women successful out in the real world.

Start going out and just talk to people. It doesn't have to be hot women. Just practice socializing. Try to network through your friends or build a bigger friend network. Most people meet up through their friends.

 

[Helpabrotherout]

I turned to online because I'm from a small town so it's hard to go out and talk to new people. I'd like to see something happen with this girl but I really don't know how to play it out to increase my chances if I have any chance at all left with her.

 

[MOTU]

OP, please go to the DJ bible and read Pook's 15 lessons AND Anti-Dumps Machine and come back and tell us what you will do differently with the next one. This is only about an hours worth of reading, even if you are taking notes.
http://www.mts.net/~bpony/djbible/

 

[Helpabrotherout]

So I read all that. Thanks for the link!
So here's what I learnt.
Filter! Dump out any girl that seems like trouble or has baggage. Talk to multiple girls. Simply to filter out the gems. Make her want you, ask her questions get to know her and when she asks you stuff be short with the answers.
Take actions get out of the talking area with a girl. Get her on a date if not that'll get you nowhere.
Become a mystery to her and talk about her. Questions about you are always answered with short answers. Keep her interests levels high if she passes the dump switch.
I liked one quote a lot from being a mystery. The last quote "correct yourself and the world gets corrected"
Then as for approaching new women always be prepared.
As for dates never give her a kiss unless you feel the date went bad. Also never mention another date. If anything would it be right to almost become mia or shady after a date? To keep yourself as a mystery?

 

[MOTU]

You got it. Repped!

 

[Helpabrotherout]

I've been about this all wrong. Thanks for the link. I'm excited to use what I have learnt. Thanks guys! No more texting game for me! Well somewhat haha.

 

[Helpabrotherout]

Alright guys so here's the deal. I read what was stated above but I'm still holding on to hope with this one girl. Honestly I should really just hit the dump switch but here's what she texted me tonight.
Can I ask you something.
What's up?
Still wanna talk?
What do you mean?
As friends..for now?
I reply with that's fine but just know that I'm not going to wait around.
She said I wouldn't expect you to.
I probably won't say much if anything at all for the rest of the night. Any recommendations as to what I should do for a tactic? Should I become a mystery. Act as if I have no interest in this girl and let that do the work?

 

[nismo-4]

You care too much. Beta tactic 1.

You called her out. number 2.

you're too available. number 3.

You're in the friendzone. Eject now, she's likely with her ex who treats her like dirt.

 

[Helpabrotherout]

Well time to go cold. Time to look for a new one and use what I have learnt. Wish I have known this before hand. This one girl stood out to me a lot.

 

[AttackFormation]

This one girl stood out to me a lot.

That's just in your brain. When the chemicals and neural memories die down, another girl will start "standing out" if you have girls in your life.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Never put a woman on the spot with a demand to tell you how she feels about you. It never works. Look at her actions for the answer. Words are always meaningless, whether they are good or bad.

And stop blurting out everything you're thinking when you talk to her. She wants to wonder a little exactly how you feel about her. Don't be so obvious.

 

[Helpabrotherout]

I agree. Stuff will die down. We all know how it is when you mess up. Time to brush it off and get some numbers!! Thanks for the help everyone!