So apparently being well-read and a good listener decreases your attractiveness ...

[Firefly]

I posted before about how I was confused why even though I had increased my external attractiveness (improving my physique, education and career) and women seemed happy to go out with me for a first date, they never lead to anything apart from being friendzoned and the occasional one night stand.

This week, I may have discovered the problem (or at least, one of them). All my life, I was told I was a good listener. I cultivated this talent, and even ended up going to grad school to work in a field where this would be useful. I also always believed you had to be a good conversationalist to impress women, so I did a lot of reading and tried to discuss topics women were interested in.

This week, after being blown off by a woman I really wanted (to the point where I took her to movie premieres, and read up on obscure movie directors because she was a film buff) I tried different tactics. I went out with one girl on Tuesday, and also went out with a bunch of girls yesterday. This time, all I did was constantly mock the women with jokes, and bring the topic of conversation back to sex. I used a lot of Kino - holding hands, hugging, gentle pushing etc. I also called out any bullsh*t I heard - When one girl last night said she really wanted to date nice guys, I laughed at her and asked her to think about how many nice guys she actually dated recently.

The difference was like night and day. Both the date on Tuesday and the girls on Thursday seemed to warm to me like never before. The girl on Tuesday seemed to become really into me like never before, even feeling comfortable about snuggling in my arms even though her boyfriend had only left the country a week ago. On Thursday, the girls spent the whole time giggling, and having a good time. There was one HB9 there who had always been snobbish and aloof to me before, so I decided to give her the hardest time. I mocked her constantly - for example, when I noticed her checking out some guys on the street, I said "you should go talk to them; come find us later!" pushed her towards them, and then kept walking with the rest of the group which just made her chase after us. I also kino'ed her constantly, including holding her hand for the "purpose" of telling a story to the rest of the group. By the end of the evening, she was telling me "we should go out together some time".

So it seems that while getting fit and doing well materially might convince a woman to go out with you, you also have to keep her entertained and aroused when you do. Being a good conversationalist only seems to be good for making friends; so much so that women will get p*ssed off after sleeping with you because they had pidgeonholed you as the guy they can talk to about films or the guy who treats them like sh*t after banging them, not the guy they want to bang themselves.

 

[AAAgent]

you're scaring the girls off man. Maybe if you started doing these things after a month or two or dating them it'd be different but your doing them way too early.

Stop trying so hard, its unnatural. Just let it flow. If you're interested in the chick and want to know more about her, why don't you ask and listen genuinely. Don't research her like some test. Until you guys start to date/she becomes a gf or something that requires an investment of time, you shouldn't be spending time on her except during the actual date. Until you deem her worthy/she proves herself worthy and you make the decision to bring her to the next level she shouldn't be taking you any extra time.

Don't just try to listen and analyze. Try to listen and genuinely respond.

One girl asked me if i liked history so much, why didn't i major in it.

I told her I wanted to be an archaeologist, but they don't make any money. Also probably at this point in time, there probably isn't much left to find.

I gave my real genuine response to her question. She responded back the same in which i greatly appreciated.

She explained to me that there's new things being discovered everyday. And though they may not be all pyramids or million year old mummy's, those things weren't discovered on a daily basis either. something about how the earth grows older each day, and with each day there are more things to discover.

She won me over with that statement, right then and there. I've always won over people with statements as well. There's a difference between rehearsed answers and natural ones.

 

[HeyPachuco!]

Stop trying to connect.

I know how you feel. I also used to feel the urge to have great conversations when approaching. Unfortunately, you cannot sway them with your great proverbial swagger and social commentary. I think Scars said it best here,

"the most dangerous people are the ones with extreme knowledge, but act completely aloof and never let anybody on to what they know. They could even be considered "idiots" by society, but little do we know that they are actually brilliant. Things tend to work in their favor, and it's not because of luck".

Save your conversationalist skills for when you have her in the bed, untill then. Keep it short and sweet like you're talking to your buddies. Surprisingly, chicks hate it when you connect with them on everything. Theres no fuel to fire. You have to ring a bell in their heads, you don't want "Firefly is such a good listener, he's a really nice dude". You want "Firefly is hot, he's so unpredictable though"

Start breaking rapport with these chicks. Make them look pathetic when you talk. Challenge her. It's all counter-intuition.