Smooth one moment - freaks out the next.

[Nameless]

Long time no post, I was beginning to miss these forums....


Question:
What would you guys make of this?

Background:
Been working on a REALLY shy, religious sheltered girl for a while now and Im looking for a LTR.

Setting:
This is our 4th time going out (read not officially a 'date') where we meet up for lunch somewhere from our respective campus' which are fairly close.

Gotten to the stage where I was kino'ing her heavily, but not to the point (at least I think) where it was crossing the line or innapropriate. She was going bright red and giggling the whole time (not like a little girl though... you get the idea). She was resisting but not in a negative, but 'hard to get' way.

Situation:
All seems well until later on tonight when I get messages in response to a conversation earlier on today.

It went along the lines of:
i didn't realise having lunch with someone meant getting pawed at... (trust me I was doing nothing of the sort).
&
well i'm glad i didn't give it because i didnt want to, and i won't, and just because we have lunch doesn't mean we're getting married.

i'd just feel more comfortable that whenever we meet again its normal?

She was referring to the physical contact and her not returning it in the same way.

What the?.... married? I never even implied anything of the sort!

I consider myself fairly experienced in the art of DJ'ing (not a master though) and I read all the signs right, I dont think I overstepped the line even for a super shy girl.

I replied with the following:

'I think a little time-out to cool down & get a perspective on what happened is in order hhmmm? Night.

I think I will give her the gift of missing me for a while.

Question:
I still want to see this through as despite her sounding like a nutcase from the above, she is a very worthy girl who I wouldnt mind a LTR.
What do you think would be the best steps to take from here? And I wont accept 'friend zone', its either steps forward or nothing.

Shoot!

 

[jago25_98]

Might not be able to help you but i want to try,

She's different.

Empathy.

What happened there was too much, too strong. She didn't have the confidence to express herself. The important thing to remember is that circumstance got in the way of you both and that it wasn't her or your fault. - you've never been in that situation and neither had she.

She may feel that any physical touch is only for after marriage. She may feel you led her into temptation or led her astray. Combined with fear in a foriegn situation.

You did not mess up. You are not a mind reader. It's a situation you haven't been in before. Just a little problem now to fix with patience.

I'd be quiet and start again slowly, slowly and with the patience of a saint. If you're sure you know what you're getting....

She doesn't relise what you're willing to give up for her, and damn, you sound like you're willing to go to some lengths.



Personally as soon as I heard the word religion I would have run a mile (I feel to not think for yourself is somewhat... immoral).
Religous girl can really hurt guys. I know a few who promise they're not geting married for sex....

 

[Nameless]

Thanks for the reply, it's good to hear other people's perspectives.

The whole religion thing is cool with me - I say religion as thats what most people would label the type of faith she has. I'm also a Christian but dont have a lot of the negative stereotypes that come with it.

I've had oppurtunities and been in a lot of situations with much easier girls in the past, I just feel that I want to move on to a LTR this time around and I think I've found someone who may be able to fill that role.

She may feel that any physical touch is only for after marriage. She may feel you led her into temptation or led her astray. Combined with fear in a foriegn situation.

I understand no sex before marriage, but no physical contact? I dont think so... No I don't think she's that extreme.

I'd be quiet and start again slowly, slowly and with the patience of a saint. If you're sure you know what you're getting....

Yeah, your advice goes along the lines of what I've been thinking of doing as well.

I guess what I really want to hear from you guys is if I should:

just go on like nothing happened and slowly build it up again from there

or

Talk to her beforehand and get some things straight, set some standards and boundaries on expectations etc. (in the proper way ofcourse).

What are opinions on this?

 

[xiola]

if I got that from a girl, I would go off on her, but thats me

"sorry you took it that way but I was flirting with you and you looked like you enjoyed it. Next time someone makes you uncomfortable, dont smile and laugh and be sure to tell the guy to stop"

I hate it when *****es do **** like that. Put that girl in her place

b

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Hey bud

This really worries me:

"'I think a little time-out to cool down & get a perspective on what happened is in order hhmmm? Night."

Man, life is too short for these types of over-sensitive, "religious" girls. She's acting like you raped her or something. She's in the wrong here. She's right about one thing though. You two need "a little time out." How about, FOREVER. I don't say this often, but, NEXT!

Stop wasting your time with her. Any girl giving you problems and attitude like that is not worth it. So again, NEXT!

 

[Nameless]

She's in the wrong here. She's right about one thing though. You two need "a little time out." How about, FOREVER. I don't say this often, but, NEXT!

lol, no I replied with that last message of a little 'time-out' to her - she didnt write that.

Yeah I am thinking of giving her a big 'next' salute, but I'll give her one more chance.
I know that she isnt the 'one' but it is hard to find girls who are both attractive, very intellegent and have a great personality like hers. She's usually really great and giving in many ways, she just threw this curve ball at me now.

So one more chance and if she doesnt step in line I wont waste any more of my precious time.

Considering the above
what do you think I should say to her next time we speak?

Thanks once again.

 

[xiola]

Originally posted by Nameless


Considering the above
what do you think I should say to her next time we speak?

Thanks once again.

"sorry you took it that way but I was flirting with you and you looked like you enjoyed it. Next time someone makes you uncomfortable, dont smile and laugh and be sure to tell the guy to stop"

b

 

[Nameless]

Thanks for your input xiola.

She got into contact with me not too long ago and we had a little conversation.

Summing up I basically told her that I dont see us or cant see us as being friends, only if something more were to happen.

If that isnt to be than I thanked her for all the good times we spent together but told her there will be no more.

She asked "what if Im not sure and we were to be friends now but in the future it could turn into something more?"

I replied that thats just using logic and you cant use your head to decide what your heart feels.

It ended when I said that I wont initiate any conversation or contact with her again and that if she wants to contact me, knowing the conditions I have, then its up to her and we'll see from there although I cant guaruntee anything.

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This is more than a 'next' for me as I know she is a great girl and that she is still young (18) and unsure of what she wants in life at this stage. This way Im not wasting my time, I dont hurt her unecessarilly and I still leave the door open.

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I guess you think you know a lot until you experience something new and learn from it.

Thank you to all who read and contributed.