Smoking, Drinking, fighting = character??

[LonesomeLoser]

I was in an AOL chatroom this week and I was talking about how I'm 35 and never tried drugs, cigarettes or even alcohol. To me that's a good thing because I've avoided the problems that can come with those things. But someone in the chatroom was saying you have to be able to say you've done SOME of those things...SOMETHING that exhibits some sort of character. Well drugs and fighting are things you get arrested for, so they're things you're not supposed to do. Doing things you can get arrested for doesn't seem very responsible, so I don't see how those things suggest character. And smoking and drinking are legal, but they're not GOOD for you...they're things that people KNOW aren't good for them but I guess they find it fun so they do it anyway and hope there won't be any consequences (cancer, alcoholism, etc) down the line.

When I was growing up I was told by my parents and teachers that you're not supposed to do those things, so I didn't do them. There are a lot of guys who are a lot worse off today than I am. They:

have kids they didn't plan on but have to support anyway (whether or not they're still with the mother). And I don't like kids so that would be doubly depressing to me. Yeah I'm a virgin and that's looked down on, but I'd never trade places with some poor bastard who has to support kids he didn't want.

Have an ex-wife (or more than one) they have to pay alimony to.

Have addictions, or have lost their drivers license because of a DUI.

Are in prison now, or have a criminal record that they take with them when they try to find a job.

I wonder if a lot of those guys would trade places with me if they could, because my life is a lot simpler. Yeah I wonder what it would be like to have some of those kinds of stories to tell. But I bet a lot of those things weren't very pleasant when they were going through them, even if they laugh about them now with their buddies. And I'm a person who will give up all the good times just to avoid the bad times. It's not worth it to me.

And before anyone gives me this: "if you haven't done any of those things, women won't think you're very much fun". I'm 35 like I said, a woman in her mid-30s shouldn't be thinking about fun anymore. Mid-30s is when you've gotten the "fun" out of your system and just get down to real life: go to work, come home and watch tv. Worry about safety over fun and excitement. In other words, maybe women by the time they hit my age start to be more like the way I've always been.

And as far as being a virgin goes, the reason I'm a virgin is probably about the same reason why I don't have any friends other than people I shoot the bull with at work: I just don't have much interest in other people. They will all eventually do something I don't like or I'll do something they don't like and that will be unpleasant for me, so again I give up the good times to avoid the bad. I've had VERY bad cases of oneitis in my life, more than I can remember. But I know that if I ever was in a relationship with a oneitis of mine, reality would set in that she's not always going to be perfect like in my daydreams about her, and I'd be miserable. If I can ever afford it, I'll get my sex from a prostitute and then I'll be a "real man" because I got laid.

 

[randalll]

why dont you just find people who you do like and hang around with them.. no one's perfect, so just accept that theyre going to do things you don't like

 

[Warrior74]

Stop thinking you have to be a bad ass to have character. That's being a caricature, not a character.

I drink, I smoke, I've done drugs, I've had pre marital sex. I've almost went to jail for doing things I should not have been doing. I'm not proud of it. It is what it is. But do I think that it made me a better man? No. Does it make me better than you? No.

I'm also a star trek/star wars fan, I read sci-fi, I draw comics. I geekout on wired.com does that make me less than you or more than you? nope.

It's not what you do. It's who you are.

Character is doing what you believe and being cool with who you are and being cool with who others are.


As for those 30 year old women....you need to find women who are like yourself. You need to probably go after church going women of strong faith. Although they will be trying to pull you into marriage.

Look. Point blank. being a DJ, or a PUA or a Player is a dirty game. Life is a dirty game. You have to look at what risk you are willing to take and what risk you know you will not take. You can't play life safe from the sidelines....

Your character is defined by what risks in life you are willing to take. But they have to be for your own reasons...if you do things because other people think you should then you have no character at all, if you do them to impress a woman, no character.

You would give up all the good times to avoid the bad times. You are saying you would rather live a safe and boring life than a life of excellence and abundance. You need to go read the biographies of major people that you admire. Most of them had really bad times before they had success. It's almost a requirement. You have to go low sometimes before you can go really high. You gotta pull the arrow back before it can sail far. If you risk nothing, you gain nothing.

This is why you are a lonesome looser. You risk nothing. Hell if you always had a fear of skydiving and conquered it by actually doing it...thats a great story to tell, and it will make you feel alive. What is it you really want to do in life? Just be safe and die?

The type of woman who wants only the boring safe life..probably has been out living a full rich one. by the time the want to settle down with some safe boring guy they won't be looking at you for nothing more as a rest haven. You run the risk being the lame AFC husband who gets cheated on.

What exactly is it you want to gain? And what risk are you willing to take to get it?

 

[backbreaker]

I"m an ex crackhead. trust me, that's a route you want to definatly avoid if you can.. **** character.. i'd rather be the biggest square on earth then to go down that road again.


what does that tell you about that person if they think fights and drugs are character? that's a personal perference.

I don't drink...and i'm not an alcholoic..driniking just isn't my thing. never has been, never will be. I might have a glass of wine on new years or if i am sittin gon the beach at night with the waves blowing, and the moood is JUST right, a glass of something to go with that to make it JUST right.. but I"m not looking forward to friday night to get loaded or antyhing. and that doesn't mean i have less charcter than anyone else, that's personal perference

 

[backbreaker]

Stop thinking you have to be a bad ass to have character. That's being a caricature, not a character.

I drink, I smoke, I've done drugs, I've had pre marital sex. I've almost went to jail for doing things I should not have been doing. I'm not proud of it. It is what it is. But do I think that it made me a better man? No. Does it make me better than you? No.

I'm also a star trek/star wars fan, I read sci-fi, I draw comics. I geekout on wired.com does that make me less than you or more than you? nope.

It's not what you do. It's who you are.

Character is doing what you believe and being cool with who you are and being cool with who others are.


As for those 30 year old women....you need to find women who are like yourself. You need to probably go after church going women of strong faith. Although they will be trying to pull you into marriage.

Look. Point blank. being a DJ, or a PUA or a Player is a dirty game. Life is a dirty game. You have to look at what risk you are willing to take and what risk you know you will not take. You can't play life safe from the sidelines....

Your character is defined by what risks in life you are willing to take. But they have to be for your own reasons...if you do things because other people think you should then you have no character at all, if you do them to impress a woman, no character.

You would give up all the good times to avoid the bad times. You are saying you would rather live a safe and boring life than a life of excellence and abundance. You need to go read the biographies of major people that you admire. Most of them had really bad times before they had success. It's almost a requirement. You have to go low sometimes before you can go really high. You gotta pull the arrow back before it can sail far. If you risk nothing, you gain nothing.

This is why you are a lonesome looser. You risk nothing. Hell if you always had a fear of skydiving and conquered it by actually doing it...thats a great story to tell, and it will make you feel alive. What is it you really want to do in life? Just be safe and die?

The type of woman who wants only the boring safe life..probably has been out living a full rich one. by the time the want to settle down with some safe boring guy they won't be looking at you for nothing more as a rest haven. You run the risk being the lame AFC husband who gets cheated on.

What exactly is it you want to gain? And what risk are you willing to take to get it?

I think what you are trying to say, and it's very true, is that the amount of happiness you have in life is in direction correlaiton with the amount of risk you can handle. the more you can sucessfuly take on risk, the happier you will be

 

[traffic]

When you are on your deathbed, looking back at your life, will you say, "Thank God I never tried drugs or drinking?"

Will you be happy that you never stepped out of you comfort zone to have a good time?

If you are satisfied with that, then by all means, keep going the direction you;re going.

But then why are you here?

 

[everywomanshero]

To OP,

You sound like one borring ass mutha ****a to me dude. I can imagine that you'd be highly attractive to people who enjoy parcheesi and ginger ale for a wild friday night. Do you have a collector's set of action heros too? I'm not trying to knock you dude, but when are you ever going to step outside of your comfort zone?

You can have fun without being some trailor-park living, mullet sporting, fool with a criminal record. Those guys are about as interesting as a day ol turd anyway. They are predictably dumb and usually very unclean and have the sophistication of a mentally retarded child. I am sure if you start to let loose a little and be yourself without so many restrictions, you'll find that you have a good time and don't end up in prison or with 20 kids... wear a raincoat if you are so worried about child support.

 

[The Decay of Meaning]

There's nothing wrong with trying new things. We only life once, so why not make the most of it?

I'm a relatively careful guy, but I've tried many things in life. If you're going to try some drugs, research them. You can have fun with weed with no problems (at least I haven't had any, only benefits).

Again, I'm a careful guy, so I've maybe gambled 100 dollars in my whole life in total, but I have as a 20 year old several thousand of dollars invested. Investing is a good and safe way to earn money if you know what you're doing, but you've got to decide whether you are going to do it or not, and to what degree (amount of cash plus if you are a defensive or enterprising investor).

I don't like to fight so I make sure I've taken up martial arts, gotten the right mindset, and can incapacitate an aggressor if needed be.

See? There's a way you can be careful and still try new things in life. Your biggest risk is probably taking no risk at al

When I was growing up I was told by my parents and teachers that you're not supposed to do those things, so I didn't do them. There are a lot of guys who are a lot worse off today than I am. They:

There are also a lot of guys who are a lot better than you are today. You could turn this around say that, people who have tried new things in life may have:

Better personal economy (if they have invested their money wisely)
A job they like more than you (if they've followed their dreams)
Better sex life (dared to improve on himself and make a move)
Better looks (dared to improve himself)
Have much more experience and a larger perspective on life (dared to try new things)

You can live life to the fullest, or you can be a imprisoned by mediocrity.

 

[Black suit]

Pretty much, yeah.