small talk

[RawkinKaoticStyle]

this is basicaly a rant but an interesting i think.

ive been getting really social lately, and what im observing is this buffer conversation that i really dont like for some reasion. An im a culprit of doing this also.

For example i will be walking down the sidewalk and you know when you see that other person walking up the same sidewalk towards you . You both are alone. You have 2 choices you can turn your head phones volume up and totally ignore the person, or you can acknowledge that person. Since im working on my social skills i do the later.

Now usually what happens is there is this stupied one sec bull shyt that doesent seem understandable to do, on the outside.

heres how the conversation goes

* make eye contact *
~ hi
hi there how are you doing
~hi there how are you
*break eye contact *

almost all the time the questions arnt answered, its weird.

i mean honestly... i dont really care how a stranger is doing.. i really dont .

i guess its the inner meaning rather than the outer that makes sense. The stranger and I dont know eachother but were comming close and we feel as if we have to talk so we say how are you to make it seem like we are really interested. Maybe?

its funny sometimes when im in big citys like Ny i would feel that feeling when a person is comming close to me, i would say HI and they would really ignore it. Then i did get a feel of rejection, but at the same time i under stand it because its more blatent " they dont really care " maybe we make the small talk to avoid that rejection feeling.

i just dont think it goes anywhere. When i meet somebody in school and then later on i see them in the hall i just dont like saying whats up and thats it . How about real conversations , that actually gets somewhere . You can go around and say " hey " " whats up" to everybody but would it get you as far as actually having conversation , having fun talking about things rather than saying how are you just because we want to make it seem like we care.. just to seem non threatening?

im thinking of just going up to people and really starting conversations, and at thoes dumb moments where i feel as if i have to say how are you when im encountering another person, im just going to do something really weird or stupied shyt, like say " hey billy where ya been all my life " that will adleast get them to stop and talk so we can go into conversation

or something ?

 

[Microphone Fiend]

Hey, Rawkin, I think I know where you are coming from. The thing I noticed in society is that there are a few phrases which are so generic, that people don't think about them, they just give the normal response and contiue on as if it never happened. For example when people say "thank you", you don't think about what to say next, you automatically say "your welcome" (If you have manners ) The same is applicable in greetings, if I have a stranger come up to me and ask me "How's your day", unless I won the lottery or I just had a death in the family, I will reply "Fine" I don't think about the answer, I just throw back a generic answer to a generic question

I think this is because most people think that you are talking just to be polite and not because you really care, so my theory is that if you sounds like you care, you will get a more heartfelt response. Instead of "How are you doing" assume a little rapport and ask things such as "Why are you so happy today?" Then the person feels obliged to talk about all the good things that happened ti him/her and they link those feelings to you because they feel those feelings around you.

Since you are in a large city, you might want to smile on your approach opener to seem less-threatening and try and stay upbeat and disarming.

 

[gav]

spot on microfone! "how r u" and "hows it goin" are very generic and have lost all meaning. u do need something different in your approaches.

one of my social rolemodels goes up to everybody every night and just says simply "hey, r u havin a good nite?" in a polite and interested tone and always gets him a minimum 1 -2 min convo.

someone mentioned just opening with clauses, like just stating something about their appearance, including what they're wearing, carrying, how they're looking. then say "how come ure so energetic", "whered u get those fishnets?" etc

 

[Supero Masculus]

All of this has been quite interesting thus far. I would also like to add that i've noticed that most relationships are made or broken by the initial small chat. If i really think hard about it, almost all of my freinds i've made all share one thing in common, i actually talked to them in an engaging conversation right from the start and they ended up as a good freind in the end. Normally when i talk to them there is a purpose to it like for example, there was this guy i'll call "dude" so i overheard dude talking to dude2 about an xbox game so i decided to get in that coversation and we ended up great freinds within a few days.

So i would be willing to bet that if you start a good meaningful conversation with someone then you will at least get a basic foundation of a freindship or rapport.

 

[seveneleven]

Yeah, I'm not a fan of "whats up" or "hey" and they kind of make me not want to talk to the person if they say something along those lines. But, I also do this, mainly because I've been very shy until recently, and I like to start conversations with something strange or just different.

The only problem is you can't always have a meaningful conversation the hall, for example. I'm trying to get to class on time and I'm sure he/she is too.

 

[RawkinKaoticStyle]

yeah now that i think about it, it seems as if were just so used to going by the book sort a speak, or were used to just doing things in a certain order so much, like " wake up , take shower , brush teeth , put cloths, get food, walk out, get buss, hahah we do things in certain orders soo much it probley leaks into our socal activity and we want to do things generically there also.

its kind of like, we know its going to happen so why think about it.

like if your boring with a chick... your most likely going to be boring because she has spotted you and know what your going to act like and knows what your going to do. so whats the point in thinking about you.

im going to take a walk tonight and im going to be very spontanious when somebody crosses my path, im going to make them remember the day the crossed the path of " rawkinkaoticstyle" muahh muahh haa

ill be back to report