Slowing things down. How do I do this the right way?

[The_Reaper]

What's the most tactful way of telling a girl - who is head-over heels, crazy about a LTR and even marriage - that you want things to progress at a less serious rate?

I want my gf to be happy, I don't want to mess her up in any way (an ex of mine who i dropped pretty hard still writes journals and includes a lot of sht about me in them - this material is THAT powerful) but she wants us to have a future, and I feel too young and inexperienced, as the cliche goes, it's not her, it's me. But I care about her very, very much.

What's the best solution, so she does not have this idea in her head that I will propose to her and we'll live happy ever after.

 

[So pimp its scary]

HAHA... last time I was in that situation the girl did NOT GET IT... to the point that after we broke up (which took SEVERAL times for her to accept) she was enganged within 3 months of meeting the next guy.

Hope yours goes better.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Do you want to ease her pain, or yours (guilt perhaps)?

BTW, why'd you start another thread on the same subject?

 

[The_Reaper]

Do you want to ease her pain, or yours (guilt perhaps)?

BTW, why'd you start another thread on the same subject?

Hey. I went back to edit/delete the other post and put it here instead - but strangely I couldn't.

Then I figured out I could not delete any old posts. Why is that??

And yes, honestly it has a lot to do with easing my guilt. It kills me to think of hurting her. I think i really need to grow a pair, sit down and have a talk with her. But I'm not fully sure what to say

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...And yes, honestly it has a lot to do with easing my guilt. It kills me to think of hurting her. I think i really need to grow a pair, sit down and have a talk with her. But I'm not fully sure what to say

It's hard to rip on a guy who comes clean and fesses up to the real issue so I'll say 'congratulations' instead.

Personally, I've heard and seen that women who are into you (dating) don't take rejection well no whether how you deliver the message. The one thing they really don't enjoy is being strung along in hopes to let them down slowly. Guys usually try to drift away eventually disappearing altogether.

Personally, I'd tell her where I was at. What's easiest for me is to "see" several women at once until I figure which one I'd like to date. During that time I can easily tell a woman that "I'm not feeling the chemistry" (I love using woman-speak on women).

In your case I'm guessing you got to your place with no intention of going long-term with this woman and you knew this from the get-go (thus your guilt). Consider telling her that even though you enjoy hanging out with her (i.e. fvcking her brains out), you don't think that you're in a place to think about anything long-term. Notice you haven't said anything about her specifically.

You may luck out and she enjoys hanging out with you and would still be your FB as long as you don't bring up any other women (yes, this can happen). If not, you guys can part ways with a mutual understanding instead of completely having broken hearts.

In the future, consider not letting women get that into you if you don't plan of having a LTR. Keeping an active rotation of women in your roster is the best way to combat inadvertently doing things consistently that would imply "relationship."