Slick101 Easy To Move On?

[Slick101]

Well for those of you who know me here and my EX Problems 3 months ago I have to say thank you for those who have helped me .. I was in over a 2 year LTR and it ended December of last year (3 months ago)

NOW>> Im on a diff path..

Last month I was meeting alot of woman and pretty much my EX was off my mind and I thought I was over her..

The past 2 weeks I have been down, Upset, sad, and I really missed my EX no matter how much of a B!TCH She was!

I even cried at times to release my feelings to be honest...And then I got angry at why I feel like this.

Yesterday was my Birthday and I wasnt in the mood at all... My energy was down I didnt feel like doing anything My EX was on my mind all day, I was wondering weather she would contact me or not... (like she did after we broke up and a month ago again twice)

Yesterday She never called me or messaged me or anything... But now Im more worried about myself..

She is still on my mind and I feel hurt thinking about her... I thought I was over her I guess I was not.. I need advice again of how get her out of my mind and out of my emotions... It affects my mood and e.t.c

I dont want to contact her Im not that weak I havent contacted her since the break up and I never broke when she contacted me I didnt reply

This is why Im writing this up right now

I dont like the feeling....

 

[46and2aheadofme]

happy birthday,
she didnt call u becuz she doesnt like u,
get over it. the only way u can win is if u call her and tell her
why didnt u call me it was my bday and tell her it is unacceptable
that she didnt call

That is awful advice.....I really hope that is a joke.

 

[Igetit!]

Last month I was meeting alot of woman and pretty much my EX was off my mind and I thought I was over her..

The past 2 weeks I have been down, Upset, sad, and I really missed my EX no matter how much of a B!TCH She was!

I even cried at times to release my feelings to be honest...And then I got angry at why I feel like this.

Well Slick,you were with the girl for over 2 years. You're not going through anything any other person (male or female) hasn't gone through when being in a long term relationship with someone for a long period of time.



In your other thread,you said that you "officially" broke up with your girlfriend on December 6,2009.



7 DAYS LATER on Dec. 13,you started an approach journal.

Although there's no set time to get over breakups,apparently it takes you longer than one week to do it.


One piece of advice that's often given on the forum is in order to get over one girl,just go meet another one,or to go and sleep with 10 other girls.



I COMPLETELY disagree with that.


You were in a relationship for over 2 years. For TWO YEARS,you were devoted to ONE person and she was devoted to you.


You two went places together,talked with each other,spent certain holidays together,were sexually intimate,shared each other's good times,supported each other during bad times,etc.

For TWO YEARS,it was just you and her.


So tell me,how can ALL THAT togetherness and being inter-twined just disappear because you "had sex" with some stranger?


Pain is like a tunnel. The ONLY WAY to get over it is just to go through it.


Going out and sleeping with some chick you just met won't get you over all the emotions you had that took TWO YEARS to build.

All sleeping with some girl does is distract you from those feelings.


It's kind of like having some type of emotional pain and instead of dealing with it,you go out and get drunk. The alcohol may numb the pain,it may distract you from what the real deal is,but as soon as you sober up,it's right back there in your face again.


That's all your journal did. You ran out and apporached a few girls,and it might have been fun while it was going on,but as soon as you were alone,or a certain time of year rolled around that for the past two years were spent with your girlfriend,the pain was right there waiting for you.


You just need to do what you need to do to get over her.


If you have to cry,cry.
If you need to go talk to someone,then go talk to someone.
If you have to meditate,then meditate.


You'll NEVER get over it by distracting yourself.



I understand that 2 years is a long time to date someone,but it's been 3 months. If you haven't started to heal by now,something's wrong.

Yesterday was my Birthday and I wasnt in the mood at all... My energy was down I didnt feel like doing anything My EX was on my mind all day, I was wondering weather she would contact me or not... (like she did after we broke up and a month ago again twice)

Yesterday She never called me or messaged me or anything... But now Im more worried about myself..

Ok,she didn't contact you.

I think that's a good thing. If you're still sore over her,then you don't need to be contacted by her just yet.

Her calling you would just further delay your recovery.

She is still on my mind and I feel hurt thinking about her... I thought I was over her I guess I was not.. I need advice again of how get her out of my mind and out of my emotions... It affects my mood and e.t.c

This is why Im writing this up right now

I dont like the feeling....

The only way to get over this is to go THROUGH it. That's the ONLY WAY.

If you don't go through it,you'll still be stuck in the same place three more months from now.



Oh,one more thing....You need to clear some space out of your private message inbox. I couldn't return your PM because the box was full.

 

[drak_ool]

All sleeping with some girl does is distract you from those feelings.

I agree with some of your observations, but not with your conclusions.

It's true, all sleeping with some girl does is distract you from your feelings for your old girl. But that's exactly what you want! And if you are distracted for long enough, eventual those feelings will go away. Time heals. Now you don't feel about your ex the same way you did 3 months ago. In a year from now you will feel even less strong about here. It's just human nature.

Pple constantly deal with the loss of loved ones. If you can do that, you can def cope with losing a girlfriend.

Slick, when I advised you to do the approach journal it wasn't just to get laid. It was also to get your mind away from your ex. You admitted it yourself: when you were out there chasing tail, you didn't care about her. You got girl X to txt, girl Y to meet for dinner and are planning to hit up the club on sat night. You don't have time to think about your ex!

I might have said this to you in the past, but while breaking up with my last gf (she pushed me to do it) I was devastated. However, the day it was over I had a 3-some. I hooked up with 7 girls that month. Then started casually seeing one girl while dating others on the side. Do you think I had time to think of my ex? Once in a while I still missed the good moments we had together, but I never missed her.

When you were with your girl, your emotional life was fulfilled. She provided you with drama, love, happiness, affection. Now your emotional life is a vacuum. Trust me, rotating a few plates will fulfill that vacuum, at least partially, making it easier to get over your ex.

 

[Slick101]

I would say I was distracted I was much happier than when I was with her... Now I stopped spinning plates and I feel alone and empty again and I start to remember all the good times with her and I start to feel pain in my chest...

I thought this was supposed to happen RIGHT AFTER THE BREAK UP... BUT.. I didnt have this kind of pain when I broke up with her..

Only NOW 3 months later Im feeling pain in my heart... WTF is that about?

 

[Igetit!]

I would say I was distracted I was much happier than when I was with her... Now I stopped spinning plates and I feel alone and empty again and I start to remember all the good times with her and I start to feel pain in my chest...

This was my point:by running out an spinning plates,you didn't heal from the emotional wounds,you just distracted yourself from them.


I suppose everyone is different. For me,I DON'T WANT to be dependant on other people.


You were hurting from the breakup. So by going out and "spinning plates",you tried to use other women to take away the pain.


To me,that's not getting over the pain,it's running from it. And the problem with that is this....

You can't run forever.

Eventually,you go home from the clubs.
Eventually the sex ends,the girl goes back to her world,and there you are alone again.



The "distractions" are only temporary. Once they fade,the reality of the breakup is right there waiting to be faced.



Hey,believe me,what I'm suggesting for you to do SUCKS. It does. And personally,I HATE it,but it's the ONLY WAY to truely get over this thing to the other side.



It's just like fear...you have to face it to get over it,to make it lose it's grip on you.



You still feel pain from the relationship ending. Well I'm sorry,but you just got to feel it. If you're hurt,then you just got to be hurt. It won't last forever.



The last time I went through a really bad breakup,I think it took me about a week and a half before I finally said,"Ok,that's enough. It's time to start going out and doing things again".



I'm NOT SAYING not to go out and meet girls/spin plates,I'm saying to take a little time to yourself to feel the pain first. YES,it sucks,I know,but you will start to feel better.


You just need to BEGIN the journey.


Take a week or two. It's not a big deal,it's not like all the women are going to be gone if you take 2 weeks to get yourself feeling better.

I thought this was supposed to happen RIGHT AFTER THE BREAK UP... BUT.. I didnt have this kind of pain when I broke up with her..

Well sorry dude,it's not like "pain" has some type of schedule to keep.


I think that DURING THE BREAKUP,there were emotions of nervousness,anger,and uncertainty/anticipation going on.not the feeling of LOSS you have right now.


You had all those feelings running through you,then when they died down you ran straight into your approach journal.

Then all the feelings that come along with approaching and dating girls showed up because you were doing approaches.



Then once you settled down,the loss of the relationship started to hit you.


Remember man,reguardless of her behavior,she was still with you for 2 years. YOU still invested 2 years of yourself into the "b!tch".

And honestly,she wasn't a "b!tch" for the entire 2 year period,was she?


If she was,and you stayed with her for all that time,then YOU'RE the sick one,lol.

Only NOW 3 months later Im feeling pain in my heart... WTF is that about?

Like I said,you didn't go through it,you distracted yourself from it.


Go through it. And YES,YES,it WILL suck,but at least it'll be done and over with instead of sitting on the sidelines waiting for whatever "distraction" you got going on to go away.


The distractions AREN'T bad,it's just that you need to use them AFTER you've gone through some of the pain.