Situation

[Modro]

Hi Guys,

I have a situation and just wanted a few opinions.

I split up with my ex (of 13months) just over a month ago we didnt speak for 2 weeks, then started talking again, slept together a few times for about 1 1/2 weeks. then didnt speak for about 10 days.

We have had a conversation about whats going on what was wrong and should we try again, gave each other a few days to think about things and plan on speaking to her in the next day or 2 to see if we should give it another go.

The thing is I got with someone who lives near me the other day, i don't rate her highly but will see her every now and again. I dont really want to get involved with her and dont want to lead her on as she is local.

So now i feel guilty about it, technically i'm single but i feel like a bastard. I haven't told anyone about it but i'm feeling bad if i get back with my ex, do i tell her? what to do about the other girl? I was leaning on trying one more time, we get on well but needed to talk things through and have a break.

what do you guys think?

 

[samspade]

I think you need some time to yourself. Don't tell your ex about the other girl - what good does that do? Stop feeling badly for yourself.

I know this sounds cynical, but your ex might be trying to rope you in so she can dump you and have hand. She might not even realize she's doing it - who knows - but I'd be wary of this if I were you.

Keep in mind you don't have to be with anyone - there is nothing wrong with being alone. Don't be afraid of that.

 

[The_411]

Hi Guys,

I have a situation and just wanted a few opinions.

I split up with my ex (of 13months) just over a month ago we didnt speak for 2 weeks, then started talking again, slept together a few times for about 1 1/2 weeks. then didnt speak for about 10 days.

We have had a conversation about whats going on what was wrong and should we try again, gave each other a few days to think about things and plan on speaking to her in the next day or 2 to see if we should give it another go.

The thing is I got with someone who lives near me the other day, i don't rate her highly but will see her every now and again. I dont really want to get involved with her and dont want to lead her on as she is local.

So now i feel guilty about it, technically i'm single but i feel like a bastard. I haven't told anyone about it but i'm feeling bad if i get back with my ex, do i tell her? what to do about the other girl? I was leaning on trying one more time, we get on well but needed to talk things through and have a break.

what do you guys think?

Well why did things end with your ex and of course be honest ...

When you are broken up and you have sex you're not exclusive until that discussion comes up.

You may feel like a bastard but that's societal conditioning for you. Don't ever assume that your ex was sitting around pining for you after a break-up even if you were the person to end it. She could just as easily be out doing the tubesteak boogie.

With that being said you do have to ask why are you going after strange that you don't even seem to like. (Mind you there's nothing wrong with that) What's your motivation? You just needed someone to lay? You were upset. Trying to get over the break-up? You see what I'm getting at?

If you're not committed then you have obligation to tell her what you are doing. If you do tell her 9 out of 10 times things aren't going to go well.

 

[Modro]

We broke up mainly she didnt like how i treated her like i would my friends (still ALOT of C+F) . She then stopped trying as hard in my eyes. I let her know and said i'd rather be single...

I think that is one of my weak spots trying to be funny all the time and not as serious in certain situations. But i also told her that's who i am and i don't think i should have to change. (I partially agree with her though)

I know it's a bit of social conditioning kicking in, that's what i was unsure of ... being a bit of a rat or just been conditioned to think that, I wasn't planning on saying anything about it.

But im not even sure I want to get back with her still. I am not upset about it or trying to get over her just a bit confused I thought here is a place where I can normally get some clued up outsiders opinion to help me make my decision.

Thanks so far guys.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Modro,
Just accept that its over....your guilt problems are the residue of outmoded values bashed into you by Family and friends...Spin Plates enjoy your life...25 is too young to settle down..Why bother repairing an old car with serious problems,just grow and move on.

 

[betheman]

Why the guilt? you think she didnt sleep with someone? maybe she did, maybe she didnt, point is, if she had of, there isnt a cat in hells chance she would feel guilty!
you have done nothing wrong, understand that, if your ex finds out, the drama will kick in and you will be MADE TO FEEL LIKE A RAT, but you arent, in fact, if she does find out, so what? she knows you have options and perversley you may well become more attractive to her!