Situation(need advice)

[disgustipated]

This revolves around my youngest nephew, he's about 4. He's the youngest of 5 of my sister's children. A few years ago he had what was close to a fractured skull, it was first noticed after my sis left him for the day at her oldest 3 children's dad for the latter part of that day. He had spent the first part of the previous night(I believe) with his paternal father. After she picked him up the injury was more prevalent I guess and she took him to the hospital where x rays were done. I believe CPS did a preliminary investigation and they allowed him back into her custody. We advised her to keep that particular child out of both men's households until they figured out who did it or how it happened. The CPS investigation came back inconclusive though. She allowed the child back with both men. Later, through talking with my mother, my sis confided in her that in the middle of the night she went to pass the child off to the paternal father(lets call him ASS), and he pinched what he thought was his child's leg extremely hard...but it was my sisters arms instead. She did nothing. The last thing to happen was he showed up at daycare with bite marks on his groin area. CPS swooped in and removed him and his slightly older brother from my sis's home in the middle of the night. They went to a temporary foster home. The bite marks were consistent with an adult males...not positive if they matched it up to him or not but it was definitely him.

Me, my older brother, and one of my sis's childhood friend all tried to get the two children placed with us and out of the system until the courts decided what to do. I was basically last resort because of being single, no children ever, and not the greatest job. That really left my brother and his wife but for some reason my sis was not aprreciative of this fact. Whatever right? The father, ASS, showed up the day of one of the hearings and it took everything I had not to maul the guy...but at that point things were very undecided so I didn't want to ruin anything regarding the kid's future. Well, they made my sis run through a ton of classes and temp visitations and to her credit she did great. My brother and his wife got divorced over the whole taking on 2 new children situation and he was out of the mix. By that time my sister was just about to get her children back anyway. Pretty soon she did.

Well, word got back to me that she had been seeing ASS again and my jaw hit the floor. Then I began to hear word that this particular nephew would ask random "trusty" adult males he came across(a former bf of sis) if he would beat up his dad(ASS) because he was mean to him. This from a 4 year old!!! Breaks my ****ing heart. I wasn't so convinced this was exactly true because of the messenger, I thought she was exxagerrating.

During all this, my mother became ill. Since my job was a deadend I moved out of state back in her home to assume medical costs for her, and simaueltaneously lower my overhead. It sucks but I am able to help my mother for once in my life. So, during all this...all my brothers, sister, and nephews/nieces come down for one of my mother's operations. The nephew in question too. One day I'm playing with him outside and he's really starting to warm up to me again and he asks me, will you beat up my dad? Unsolicited. I ask him why. He says, he does bad things to me and beats me up. Crushing. To know I'm one of many adults that are failing this kid. Great ****ing kid. I can see where he is already affected by this abuse, he's showing signs already.

Here's my quandry...kinda. When I first got here I had no job, no money...I had to lean hard on my sis for monies to help with my mother. I now have a job, rolling pretty well and very shortly will assume all finanicial obligations here. This same sis that is excellent in regards to handling issues concerning my mother is failing so miserably at protecting her own child. All or most of my attention in the near future has to go to my mother and getting her through chemo......but I still know I'm failing this child every day that goes by. I know by her seeing him again(ASS) after CPS initally removed them, has leveraged my sis into a position of silence because all he has to do is tell them(CPS) she let him back into her home and CPS will remove them for good. By the way, I hadn't mentioned she is allowing him to see this child unsupervised. I'm NOT entirely clear if this is mandated by courts or not...either way she put herself into a position if she says anything they are removed.

To make matters worse, I've heard he has a very real well established imaginary friend with a name. I've heard and read that severe abuse can lead to kids coming up with imaginary friends to get them through things. I really want to just end this guy...but I'm doing my mother no good in prison. I'm really really angry at my sis for continuously making bad decisions that require extreme measures to fix or stop. Like me or one of my brother's sacrificing our freedom to save this child, a situation she created with no regard for such a sacrifice. Literally, I doubt she would see her accountability if one of us were to go to prison.

What to do? If CPS takes them, not sure if I could handle or they would even consider me. I've never had a relationship longer than 3 years...no kids, ever. Job history is sporadic, but I do pay my own way in life. If CPS is notified they will take him and his slightly older brother who is also an amazingly awesome child! I would be crushed, everyone would be if they were removed from the family. And no doubt, my sis would never talk to me or anyone again. That part I could live with. What part that would be hard for me is not having these kids in my life or our familie's life. I don't know if my brother would try for them again considering the beating he took last time around.

I think I know the right thing to do here. But the right thing to do is gut wrenchingly hard to do when you know it will rip your heart out, your family's heart out, and everyone around. I could be potentially losing 2 nephews, a sister all in one shot here. I love my sis immensely, but something's really wrong with her.

I'm trying to avoid something like this. This child growing up(assuming he survives this abuse), being really really messed up....looking at me or any adult that is around now, crying saying why didn't you help me??? What would I say!?

I remember having a huge thing against a high school mentor/coach. My older brother was a great runner and this guy pulled my bro aside and took him in and gave him personal training advice. When it was my turn, he never did anything with me and I was the type of kid that would've done anything a coach told me. It was the difference between me being mediocre and great, and I never forgave this guy for that until recently. Something so small compared to what my nephew is going through, how will my nephew look at me when the time comes...

Anyone got any real world advice here?

 

[jawill588]

You need to help this child immediately. If your worried about your sis finding out then place the call anonymously. The main thing is to get this child out of the house asap before its too late. Where ever the child is placed will be a better situation than the one he is in now.

 

[AAAgent]

Real world advice....tell CPS.

I was in your nephews shoes before. Belts, feather dusters, shoes, choking, smacking, being dragged out of bed, you name it, i've had it happen to me. Instead of being afraid of my punishment that awaited me, i was afraid to come home each day. Until one day DFYS showed up asking about child abuse, then teachers and guidance counselors pulled me in for 1 on 1 talks...about abuse...i always kept my mouth shut....my brother however didn't and he was the one that told his teacher.

My family was forced into counseling, my dad in one, myself alone and also a separate one with my brother since we fought all the time.

It happened all throughout my childhood until i turned 12. my dad then got locked up for 3 years and when he came out i was a full grown person and he never tried it again. Your nephew seems to have it a bit worse than me, as my dad was actually human and only beat me for beating up my brother and getting in trouble.....how do you beat a 4 year old.

Tell CPS anonymously or not but tell them. Record the kid telling you this, video tape him, setup for CPS to swing by during a time where they can see the kid say it or overhear it.

Your sister is making a huge mistake but putting her child through this, don't follow in her foot steps.

After all the abuse i've been through i have major anger issues which i work very hard to control. I've kicked down atleast 3 doors to beat up my brother.....as a teenager, i've sent people to the hospital during fights, my brother has sold drugs and bullied kids by shoving them in lockers since he couldn't beat me up he beat up smaller kids, etc.

If you love the kid, help him or atleast try. Foster care or not, someone that doesn't hurt you is always better than someone that does.